She woke up 2 days ago really angry. It took a few hours to figure out what was wrong. She claims a woman was living here that was nice at first then she uncovered a plot that we were going to leave her with the woman and leave. She is now very angry with my wife and I and continues to say she needs to find somewhere else to live. We were all happy and content before this happened. Just the three of us living here. No woman was ever here. She refuses to entertain the idea that this never happened. I was hoping this would pass because her short term memory is really bad but for some reason this dream has sunk in and she is not forgetting it at all.
Oneirophrenia in dementia: when the difference between dream and reality becomes clouded.
https://medcraveonline.com/SMDIJ/oneirophrenia-in-dementia-when-the-difference-between-dream-and-reality-becomes-clouded.html
You're not going to be able to convince your mother that what she had was a dream, so don't bother. You're best off going along with her delusions; that's what I've found. If she'd like to research Memory Care ALFs, have at it mother. Just keep reminding her you love her & are happy to have her living with you. Hopefully, this moment in time will pass and she'll forget all about it, or the memory will be replaced with a different one. If not, call the doctor and ask about a mild relaxant like Ativan or Xanax for her. My mother has advanced dementia and had become quite agitated over EVERYTHING recently. Ativan .25 mgs at 7 pm every evening has helped her (so far, anyway) tremendously. She's become quite pleasant to speak to, even, which is a huge change.
If you've noticed a foul odor with her urine, a frequency in urination, or something along those lines, then she can definitely have a UTI going on. If not, then she's just confusing dreams with reality, which my mother does quite regularly without any organic issues going on.
Wishing you the best of luck with THE worst disorder on earth to deal with.
If no UTI, you need to talk to her doctor about the fact that she's had a change in mental status--that she is having delusions.
Heck last week my husband was on a rant about wanting a divorce and that we needed to see a marriage couseler, and he couldn't go on like this. Yep. I played along a little with it, and then left the room. This week it's the "I don't know what I'd do without you" husband. He is officially in his own world now. A world that I get to visit, listen to and wonder how much he is suffering as dementia's cruel grip strips away the man I once knew. I hate the disease. But am so much better at dealing with the nuttiness, there's really nothing one can do about it, pushing back is like playing with a tar baby, may as well disengage and not stress over this.
When a demented wife calls the police at 3am, who gets told to leave the house? I lived that life.
The short answer for you is this-It Is Time. It is time to get her in a long term care facility. It took me a week and some chicanery to get her to go "voluntarily."
My friend your situation is difficult. The longer you wait, the more difficult it will be until it becomes impossible.
As I tell everyone: Don't kill yourself keeping them alive.
And as others have said, check for UTI.
1. Never argue, instead agree.
2. Never reason, instead divert.
3. Never shame, instead distract.
4. Never lecture, instead reassure.
5. Never say "remember", instead reminisce.
6. Never say "I told you", instead repeat/regroup.
7. Never day "you can't ", instead do what they can.
8. Never command/demand, instead ask/model.
9. Never condescend, instead encourage.
10. Never force, instead reinforce.
I realize this won't fit every occasion that arises but it has helped my husband and me to deal with things on a day to day basis. Just thought I would share.
I will pray that your mom comes to accept things as they are and not as they seem.
Example: Over months, a simple “I was woken by a sound at the door.” grew into how a woman in a brown sweater was trying to break down her door to rob her but then she left and walked past the shed, along the ravine then behind our house towards the woods and looped around the pond then she crossed the bridge, ducked under the fence and finally cut across the corn field where she walked into the house next door. (never mind how she could never see this without binoculars and X-ray vision)
We found it best to shut it down with a solid explanation that removes the scare. “She was very upset after a fight with her husband and came to your house to use your phone. They are now divorced and she lives in a nice house in Any Town with her best friend.” Repeat ad nauseam.
I am like you where I don't want to indulge these fantastical things because it feels wrong. But sometimes being serious about it is enough.
See All Answers