My mom, age 98 and with increasing dementia, always begs me to stay when I'm ready to leave her ALF, whether it's been 30 min or 5 hrs. She's more & more like a toddler who doesn't want "mommy" to leave. And her conversations are a jumbled mix of lifetime of memories & people. Not sure how to handle this without leaving her feeling sad and guilty. Both my sisters have died in last couple years; my brothers live far away & are no help at all. Her ALF is wonderful place w/loving & caring staff.
My dad did this when I visited him at the nursing home. He wasn't being manipulative and we had reversed our roles, he was the child and I was the mom. And small children whose mom's are their entire world hate to see their mom leaving. That's how it was with my dad. He told me he wanted me to quit my job so I could spend more time with him (he had hepatic encephalopathy which is swelling of the brain due to advanced liver disease).
It was very difficult to extricate myself from him once I had been there and spent a good amount of time with him. He'd get a hangdog expression on his face and tell me in a pitiful voice that he didn't want me to go. I didn't feel guilty leaving but I hated that it upset him so. But every night I would call the desk and ask how he had been since I left and I was told that he had been fine, social, and out of his room.
I don't think the behavior is always manipulative in nature. If I had to live in a nursing home or ALF and my daughter came to visit with me I'd be sad to see her go too. I like to think I'd have a stiff upper lip about it but if I had dementia or Alzheimer's there's not much likelihood of that.
But you can't stay longer than you do, you're not upsetting her through choice. I expect you do wish your mother could understand her circumstances, could know that you'll be back when you say you will, wasn't afraid to be left; but wishing doesn't change anything. What I'm getting at is that I think what you feel is sympathetic sadness, more than guilt, and your feeling is appropriate: the situation is heart-breaking.
I agree with many people above that reassurance, distraction, handing over to another person may all help your mother, which will help you a little. But it won't change the reality of what you're dealing with, and I'm sorry for it, it's a terrible thing. Don't feel guilty, though; because whatever you'd give to be able to do it, you can't cure her. Her suffering is not your fault.
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