My Mom started to decline after my sister was killed in November 2017 in the Mass shooting in The little church in Sutherland Springs Texas. My grand nephew was also shot 6 times, and is still recovering after 13 surgeries. The neurologist called it a pseudo-dementia from grief. She does not ever cry. She rarely says Peggy Lynn’s name. She has massively declined every day. I brought her to live with us for her safety. She is 78, and has a short term memory of about 30mim. She has had brief episodes of throwing things, and yelling and cursing at us. She won’t bathe and smells offensive. We had to lock the kitchen because she digs in the trash and puts her fingers in our food in the fridge. My children are adults, and my husband has been above and beyond helpful. I have some side hours (24 weekly) but she won’t bathe for her either. She is medicated with Repirdol and Trazadone but still stays up til almost dawn. Today we found her outside picking up dog poop with her hands. I have tried to care for her, but I just can’t take it any more. I lost my only sister 2 years ago, but in a sense I also lost our mother that day. I feel guilty to place her somewhere after the worst thing possible for any mother had happened to her, losing her child to a violent murder. I just don’t think I can do it any more. I am an RN, how can I be compassionate with my patient’s and not be compassionate with my own mother. This is all just too much to bear.
Feeling guilt about placing her, though.
I don't think you would be "placing" her. I think, on the contrary, you would be finding for her the therapeutic environment and trained, professional support that really can help her - not recover, I don't see how anyone could - but learn to live alongside the damage that has been done to her and hers.
So, going back a moment: when the neurologist suggested this is pseudo-dementia (which makes sense to me, because how can you function normally when something like this has happened?) did the neurologist also recommend any possible courses of action?
I'm sure you can't see this at the moment, but there is another thing I want to say. You too NEED to grieve, and you can't do that freely and openly while you are preoccupied with your mother's care.
Get in touch with your mother's health care team and ask for help with exploring options. That advice won't commit you to anything but it will give you alternatives to consider, and then you can begin to move forward.
i will pray for you right now!
Debbie
I can't imagine how hard this has been for you. You have done the best you can and you are right, mom needs more care then you can give her. She needs a current needs assessment and then you can find a place that can meet her many needs.
Take care of you and thank you for your service.