My mother and father in law are both in an Assisted Living Facility. My husband has both Medical and Durable POA. My MIL has Alzheimer's and FIL has FTD. No other sibilings. In laws were just moved to the AL facility last October. It has been a CONSTANT struggle to keep the mailing address of their investments and what few bills they have to our address. MIL keeps changing the addresses from our address to theirs, there at the facility. Is there anyway to stop this once and for all?
Also second question, is there any way to stop MIL from changing passwords to accounts (that are in her name)? Everytime we change them she goes back in and changes it again. It is exhausting and we cannot monitor their expenses. She forgets her passwords even though she writes it down. She forgets she writes it down, then resets the passwords. It is a vicious cycle.
Any suggestions.
Can they send her a paper statement and you an electronic one?
I think that I would speak with a manager on a conference call with the attorney and let them know that their actions are putting her at financial risk. Consult with the attorney about verbiage to use that gets their attention. It's not like you are doing this without POAs in place. I would also contact the banking commission and SEC to find out if they can help you protect them.
There has to be a way. I am sure this is not the 1st time this has come up.
I always worry when an individual has the presence of mind to do those things how far do you take control. I know it is a fine line and it's already a pain to be running 2 more lives.
Let us know how it works out and how you got the brokerage company to step up and protect them.
I would take her credit card away and do a prepaid card so she doesn't have access to money to keep ordering unneeded items. Do an allowance and find out how to return extras. Amazon is usually really great about returns and now you can take items to local drop off locations, it is a hassle but easier than packing items up and shipping them. Unfortunately taking care of elderly parents is a big job.
To others yes she and dad spoke directly to the eldercare attorney about my husband handling finances. But how soon mom and dad forget that conversation. Fortunately the attorney has it documented and witnessed.
We tried to go paperless and when she didn't get a statement she called the various institutions to find they had been changed and she changed it back to theirs. We've done that several times. Just tired. Most of the ones we've dealt with want them on the phone with us.
We've not tried parental blocks. We will try that! We do have list of the passwords but they change almost daily. I'm not joking.
She only uses the computer to shop and check on assets. No social networking. She really doesn't "need" one but the idea of taking it away...I get it she feels like it's one more thing that's being taken away. So we don't want to do that. If we could just get her to understand that WE'VE GOT IT. To let it go. To enjoy the activities at the community. It is a fantastic community. It's a CCRC. They do so much plus we are there for them. We want them to understand that we're going to take care of them - fully. It's our time. That we're going to do our best to see that their assets are protected. And that they receive the best possible care medicine can provide for the rest of their lives. But she doesn't understand any of that. The disease has left her angry and mean and unpleasant to be around. Which makes us frustrated and sad.
If MIL is using the facility's computer(s) to make the address changes and password changes, your husband needs to talk to the Director of Nursing and/or the Social Services Director about the problems that you are having with your MIL changing passwords and mailing addresses. You will not be able to use parental controls on the facility’s computers since they are for ALL residents to use. If the computers are in a room, I doubt that the facility staff will allow the computer room to be locked when not in use, as that could be considered a violation of the residents' rights.
Your husband, as DPOA, might have to talk to the financial companies about his parents’ situation and see if the financial companies can limit his parents' access to their accounts. (It depends on what the Durable Power of Attorney document list as the responsibilities of the DPOA.)
I agree with Sendhelp that your husband needs to make sure that his Mom and Dad agree to allow him to act as DPOA and if his Mom does not, then your husband will have to prove that his Mom is incompetent in order to handle their finances. Your husband might have to petition for guardianship or conservatorship of his parents if his Mom is incompetent, and she still wants to have control of the finances.
I would speak with the financial institutions and find out how they recommend stopping this push and pull. Most can set up alerts on accounts that prompt contact to you for any requests to change anything.
Because this is exactly what an identity thief would do to a vulnerable adult.
Can you find an ID Alert company and sign them both up using your address?
Can you obtain Mil' s login passwords to her computer so you can see what she sees?
Can you install child blocks on her computer so she cannot access her accounts?
Are you sure she agrees to the POA being activated and you taking over finances?
Just some ideas.
That is what I meant when I said child blocks.
For the mail how does she change the address? By computer or hard copy notification. If by computer the fix above should work. If she sends a global change of address you should get a notice from the post office asking you to confirm change and you can just report it as an error. If she sends a change of address with the bill payment you should take over bill paying and don't let her get her hands on the paper copies.
I can imagine you frustration at this.