The doctor has made the recommendation to hubby that he needs full time care, hubby was and is very resistant. I am to the point I can not handle him, I can not keep up with his care. Have located a very nice facility 2 blocks from the apartment with a certified Alz. unit. The kids agree it is for the best for everyone, problem is how to tell hubby and get him moved. And how do you get past the guilt....
You have to keep yourself safe and it doesn't sound like that was happening when he was home. I'd discuss options for his long term care. I might discuss medications with his doctor as they may help with is anxiety and distress.
It must be a very difficult thing to go through. Do you have family or friends that you can talk to and get support? You can always come to this site. There are many other good people, who have been through similar experiences. Good luck.
It's heartbreaking for you, i know. Hopefully, they will find the right combination of meds to ease his agitation and combativeness.
It's such a difficult thing to do and my heart goes out to you and your hubby both. Find out where your nearest Alzheimer;s Association is. They have wonderful resources and support groups for the patient and/or the family. You can read their info, go to support meetings, or just talk to them on the phone. Our experience with them when my mother in law was going through this and living with us was great. We eventually set her up in an assisted living facility, then their Alzheimer facility, locked wing because she was a wanderer, and eventually into a full care nursing home. It was hard to "make" her take each step, but was the b best thing for ALL of us! She made many new friends, even if she didn't all ways remember them..., and had activities and care we could no longer provide at the level she needed and deserved.
Change is all ways difficult. Life is full of them. We can only ask of ours self's and others that we do the best we can. When loved ones need more then we can provide, it's time to ask for and accept help. In this case, a nursing home for your husband sounds like the most loving decision you can make for him and yourself.
When God closes a door, he opens a window. I hope this window gives you and your husband a better live. Less worry, more care, more energy to give him when you are together, a safer environment, the list of positives to moving him goes on and on.
Prayers for you both,
Mary
I keep searching for help and contacting agencies, it is a very slow process
They order physical therapy to come out, for blood test the lab comes out, occupational therapy to help with how he gets around in the home, the nurses are great! Your doctor can order one to come out. They will send the reports back to the doctor. Also, If you have lost allmanyMedicaid will cover the nursing home rent and care. He has to be qualified, so contact these agencies, there is lots of help out there. Medicaid will not take away needed assets from the spouse.
Thinking of you
Nita
Friends? we dont have any, we have been over the road truckdrivers for all the years we have been together until he was forced off the road by the diabetes and doctor. The last 5 years I have worked in house and cared for him, my job was 50 miles away so the previous lifestyle and job location were not conducive to making friends. I recently moved him into the city for closer medical help and because we lost the house, the last 8 months have been a living nightmare.The company I worked for shut the doors bouncing paychecks 3 days before christmas, Jim had been hospitalized in Nov, Dec, again in Jan 10 for halucinations, I have been hospitalized 3 times since Nov for pnuemonia and stress.
We live on his tiny social security check, I am trying to work from home for another trucking company but it is commission only and not going well.
Most of the great suggestions will require funds, I am struggling to just put food on the table and pay for his medications. The kids do what they can but they are not much better off, our son is in college and working full time, our daughter has a 1 1/2 year old and another on the way, her hubby is working his tail off and trying to get into the military.
When I was working outside the home, I did everything in my power to keep home and work seperated, I did not discuss my personal issues at work, not the place for it.
We were told in 1990 he probably had 5 years to live, he was off work for 3 years from a trucking accident and the doctors had him on 28 different medications, he was a zombie, one day he said "if I'm going to die, I at least want to be awake for part of time" he quit all the meds and was able to return to work within 6 months. Amazing how the doctors had over medicated him to the point they were killing him. He still had some medical issues we dealt with thru new doctors and natural remedies until December 6 years ago when his diabetes and neuropathy sidelined him permanently.
During the last 5-6 years he has developed treamors, had 1 eye removed, lost all sight in the other, developed alzheimers, the neuropathy has taken all feeling from both hands and feet, the fancy medical test gave % of loss at 89% in hands and 97% in feet. He has had the hospitalizations for chasing butterflies and talking to his mom (she passed away when he was 17, he is 65 now) and seeing trucks parking in the bathroom.
I cant leave him alone and it is a huge production to make all the arrangements needed just so I can go to the store.
Our life together has been just that together, 24/7 for over 25 years living in a truck working together.
I really do appreciate the suggestions thank you all for letting me vent
You also can have him stay for a respite, as in staying a month to try it out. That is a daily charge and covers everything. Then you can set up the long term if you wish.
Is it also possible for you to change your mind later...I mean three months from now? six months? How 'bout six weeks? Did you try added help in the house? Fast forward to the day of his death.....how will you handle this decision that you are making now?
So knowing(that)this IS the BEST option for your loved one should ease your guilt some-I wish you the best:)