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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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You give no information but a title in the form of a question, and no info whatsoever in your profile, so we have nothing to go by in terms of giving you solid advice about your situation.
If you are leaving your mother alone when you walk out the front door, and she has dementia, then that's an issue; elders with dementia should not be left alone. Look into getting caregivers to be with her while you're gone.
If you are not leaving your elderly mother alone when you walk out the front door, then you have no reason TO feel guilty. Having an expectation to be with the woman 24/7 and no life of your own is unrealistic. Not knowing WHAT your situation is, however, again leaves us too little info to comment on.
If you are working a full time job, you have no other choice BUT to leave and go to work every day, that's how life works. If mom is left with qualified caregivers or other family members to look after her, then just leave when you have to, kiss her on the cheek, and let her know you love her but need to leave to go to work and will see her when you get back, assuming you live in the same house.
Dementia patients only think in the moment; they are incapable of thinking about the future or what YOU may need to get done in your life. They can only focus on themselves and the moment they're living in, which is why they act as they do. Consider the fact there is brain damage going on and they're incapable of acting with reason and logic. That makes life easier for you b/c you can understand their point of view a bit better.
I so agree with AnnReid. No one makes us feel guilty. And is guilt REALLY what you feel? Or ALL you feel? Or do you also feel just a teeny bit "unappreciated", because I sure would. Try switching out your G-words because words matter. The G work you should use is "GRIEF". Grief that you are human and not an omnipotent God. Grief that your Mom is suffering, whatever her reasons are. Grief that Mom isn't perfect so she can't say "Go now, hon, and HAVE FUN". Grief that Mom can't understand how good she has it, and won't tell you so. Grief that everything isn't perfect and some things can't be fixed. Grief that life isn't a movie, a fairy tale, a magical carpet with only good endings. You aren't a felon. You are a human being trying to do the best you can in anything but perfect conditions. Felons, who SHOULD feel grief, simply never do at all. So on you go. Mom isn't always happy. There you are. Bet she never WAS always happy. Bet she wasn't always happy when she was 5 or 10 or 20 or 40 or 50. And she isn't always happy now. That's called life, and you are living your one and only. Life that is. Truly, my best out to you, but happy-all-the-time is an illusion best not pursued. Now, go and have a GOOD TIME, and bring her back a little bouquet of flowers and tell her she's the prettiest thing you ever saw!
No one can make YOU feel guilty but YOU, and anyone living with dementia is even less responsible for casting guilt.
Your mother is living with an ongoing and constantly increasing cognitive deficit, which can reduce her ability to determine what it is logical and reasonable and appropriate for her to say.
Since the filters are failing, the first thing you can do is remind yourself constantly that what she says is not real or true or factual.
The second thing you can do is to begin thinking of her as someone whose illness causes her to behave in all of her dealings as unpredictable- she may seem fine some days or at different times of the day, and then, at the flip of a switch, seem terrible.
You are her diligent and thoughtful care giver, and you are doing the best for her that you can come up with. She doesn’t comprehend what you’re doing or why you’re doing it.
Be at peace, and forgive her for her behavior, and forgive yourself for being troubled by it.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If you are leaving your mother alone when you walk out the front door, and she has dementia, then that's an issue; elders with dementia should not be left alone. Look into getting caregivers to be with her while you're gone.
If you are not leaving your elderly mother alone when you walk out the front door, then you have no reason TO feel guilty. Having an expectation to be with the woman 24/7 and no life of your own is unrealistic. Not knowing WHAT your situation is, however, again leaves us too little info to comment on.
If you are working a full time job, you have no other choice BUT to leave and go to work every day, that's how life works. If mom is left with qualified caregivers or other family members to look after her, then just leave when you have to, kiss her on the cheek, and let her know you love her but need to leave to go to work and will see her when you get back, assuming you live in the same house.
Dementia patients only think in the moment; they are incapable of thinking about the future or what YOU may need to get done in your life. They can only focus on themselves and the moment they're living in, which is why they act as they do. Consider the fact there is brain damage going on and they're incapable of acting with reason and logic. That makes life easier for you b/c you can understand their point of view a bit better.
Good luck!
And is guilt REALLY what you feel? Or ALL you feel? Or do you also feel just a teeny bit "unappreciated", because I sure would.
Try switching out your G-words because words matter. The G work you should use is "GRIEF". Grief that you are human and not an omnipotent God. Grief that your Mom is suffering, whatever her reasons are. Grief that Mom isn't perfect so she can't say "Go now, hon, and HAVE FUN". Grief that Mom can't understand how good she has it, and won't tell you so. Grief that everything isn't perfect and some things can't be fixed. Grief that life isn't a movie, a fairy tale, a magical carpet with only good endings.
You aren't a felon. You are a human being trying to do the best you can in anything but perfect conditions. Felons, who SHOULD feel grief, simply never do at all.
So on you go. Mom isn't always happy. There you are. Bet she never WAS always happy. Bet she wasn't always happy when she was 5 or 10 or 20 or 40 or 50. And she isn't always happy now.
That's called life, and you are living your one and only. Life that is.
Truly, my best out to you, but happy-all-the-time is an illusion best not pursued.
Now, go and have a GOOD TIME, and bring her back a little bouquet of flowers and tell her she's the prettiest thing you ever saw!
Your mother is living with an ongoing and constantly increasing cognitive deficit, which can reduce her ability to determine what it is logical and reasonable and appropriate for her to say.
Since the filters are failing, the first thing you can do is remind yourself constantly that what she says is not real or true or factual.
The second thing you can do is to begin thinking of her as someone whose illness causes her to behave in all of her dealings as unpredictable- she may seem fine some days or at different times of the day, and then, at the flip of a switch, seem terrible.
You are her diligent and thoughtful care giver, and you are doing the best for her that you can come up with. She doesn’t comprehend what you’re doing or why you’re doing it.
Be at peace, and forgive her for her behavior, and forgive yourself for being troubled by it.
She’s lucky to have you.