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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Can’t walk at all. All day with no help. Both siblings feel this is ok. There are resources for a caretaker however they don’t feel it’s necessary. What can I do at this point?
Several years ago, I had surgery that left me helpless and in bed for two days. I had to have help to reach a tray for meals. If the tray table was more than a couple of inches away from the bedside, I could not even get a drink of water. I was terrified when I was left alone in the hospital room when the nurse left the "nurse call" handset hanging on the wall behind my bed. I cannot imagine the fear and anxiety that would be caused by being left alone in a house while bedridden, even for a few minutes. I agree with the others that this is at least neglect. Maybe it's mental abuse as well.
Start with trying to convince the sisters, perhaps involving her doctor or a social worker or someone the sisters would respect.
If persuasion doesn't work, I think I would report this to Adult Protective Services. Mother is a vulnerable adult and she needs protection from neglect.
Bronco15, does your Mom refuse to move to a continuous care facility? If that is the case, could be that your sisters have decided to limit her amount of care by both of them so that Mom would finally decide to move. Or is it a case where your Mom refuses caregivers? My own Mom wouldn't allow strangers in the house :(
Maybe it is time for a family meeting, and for Mom's primary doctor to give his/her option on if he/she thinks Mom can be left to care for herself during the day.
Oh yes, of course! Put emergency responders at risk having to break into a burning house to rescue the person who can't get out. That makes total sense. (not).
Why is it that when we get old, we don’t have a say in our life. I for one would be like your Mom. I would rather die in my home than go to a Care facility...at all costs! That is my choice.
From the information you shared, I'd say this sounds dangerous. A fall or other accident while no one else is home could be fatal.
Also, if your mother is basically bedridden, there's a danger of her developing pressure ulcers (bedsores) if she isn't repositioned regularly / doesn't have a mattress that helps relieve pressure. It sounds like it would be a great idea to get some expert advice and explore having someone come in for a few hours a day at least.
Yes, my knee jerk response to this was Adult Protective Services. And perhaps a second medical opinion. Your Mother's choices are not safe or rational. At least those would give you peace of mind. Again, think bedsores, nutrition and toileting. Basic needs.
Read On Being Mortal by Atual Gawande. A doctor may say she is 24/7 care because he doesn't want a law suit. And APS too has to worry about lawsuits. You have not provided a clear picture to say she is unsafe, and she is considered competent. Has she had skin breakdown? Is she losing weight? Does she voice feeling afraid or feeling hopelessness? Does she lay in dirty diapers or linens? Does she have access to fluids and food? Would her being forced by an outside agency to go to a LTC facility be detrimental to here mental health? If mother is definitely competent, isn't it up to her to whether she accepts the risks?, as Countrymouse asked. There are many people (not just elderly) who live in what we may consider less than ideal situations, and are permitted to because they are considered competent. From what I gathered the optimal would be have a home companion. That being said, your mom's total well-being should be the deciding factor, not your fears, nor what you see as your sister's neglect. From personal experience you can use the agencies to force a decision to move her to a facility, or have you as the caregiver, but then you have to share in your mom's misery and anger toward you, even though you thought you were doing best by her. Clear honest communication between all of you is the first step.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
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This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
How does mom feel about being left alone?
This could certainly be construed as neglect.
Start with trying to convince the sisters, perhaps involving her doctor or a social worker or someone the sisters would respect.
If persuasion doesn't work, I think I would report this to Adult Protective Services. Mother is a vulnerable adult and she needs protection from neglect.
Maybe it is time for a family meeting, and for Mom's primary doctor to give his/her option on if he/she thinks Mom can be left to care for herself during the day.
Also, if your mother is basically bedridden, there's a danger of her developing pressure ulcers (bedsores) if she isn't repositioned regularly / doesn't have a mattress that helps relieve pressure. It sounds like it would be a great idea to get some expert advice and explore having someone come in for a few hours a day at least.
And perhaps a second medical opinion. Your Mother's choices are not safe or rational. At least those would give you peace of mind.
Again, think bedsores, nutrition and toileting. Basic needs.
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