He always wants to run off to "his wife" at every hour and I'm burned out. He doesn't believe we are married even if I show him pictures. I even told him that his wife is on a trip with her family, but he says I am lying. What should I do? We live together and are not rich, his body is in perfect health. I am trying to postpone AL or dementia care as much as possible.
The time before that, he took an early morning walk before I was awake and tried to climb over a tall rock wall. He evidently slipped and slid down it because his face was torn up with bits of stone in the sores. He couldn't tell me what happened but when I looked up his trail on his phone, he'd walked about a mile (very fit runner) and tried to get over the wall to a major highway.
Don't ever think you can keep them safe when this behavior starts. He's past AL status now. Start looking for a memory care facility, and good luck.
I'm so sorry this is your husband who lives with you. You do not need to convince him that you are his wife. Just take on the roll of caregiver, mother, friend, whatever he sees you as. It must be frustrating that he keeps asking to go to his wife.
Surely, he's not able to leave the house, is he? You need to make sure he does not attempt to drive. For that matter, even walking away from home and wandering, he could get lost and get into trouble.
Try talking with his doctor about an anti-anxiety medication. Your husband is very anxious and upset, and he's looking for some comfort that he can not find.
Try and provide that soothing comfort to him, without correcting him.
You may need to place him in Memory Care sooner than you think.
Tell him you are Sue, the new caregiver and companion the DOCTOR prescribed for him to have 24/7. That his wife is in Europe on an extended trip and won't be back for many months. Don't tell him you are his wife, it's not working. Call the doctor for meds to calm him down.
Seriously consider placing him in Memory Care Assisted Living now because the quality of your life is being compromised now. But get him to a calm state with meds first, because Memory Care wants relaxed residents.
Best of luck to you and I'm very sorry youre going thru such a nightmare. Dementia is a lose-lose situation for ALL concerned.
And this can be very sad for you. But him looking for you should make you realize that he does value you, in whatever version of you his brain is holding onto.
Is there any danger that he might try to hurt you, thinking that you are a stranger or that you are in some way keeping his wife from him or harming "her"? Do you sleep in the same room? Be realistic if there is any threat and be prepared. Locked bedroom door, phone always with you, ability to leave despite the door locks. And look into memory care, for both of your safety.
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/capgras-syndrome
I doubt there is any way you can convince him. I have no doubt this is very upsetting. I am sorry. It may be impossible to care for him at home. Meds might be helpful in any case to diminish his symptoms.
You stated you are burned out already. I am sorry it will not get better.
It is hard deciding about facility. I know as my husband just went to AL.
He has Parkinson’s, no dementia and improved physically in past few months.
But I realize it is not going to last and actually being in fairly good shape I think it is better to go to facility before it will get worse as adjustment is easier.
Another writer, lealonnie1, had an good idea of you pretending to be a hired caregiver, doctor's orders. I would suggest purchasing some scrub tops so this idea would be more understandable for your hubby. But I wouldn't share the same bedroom.
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