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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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If it is one of the newer cars that has a key with the electronics in it for starting, you might try just removing the battery from the key. It might start but I am pretty sure it will die before he could get out of the driveway. Or as Luz found out when she tried to escape, the key for the ford did not work in the dodge.
Sandrobin, how you deal with driving and dementia can depend on what level of dementia/short term memory you’re dealing with. In many cases people who are still a bit WITH IT will call a tow truck or buy a new car if their car disappears or won’t start.
youre not going to be able to reason with you husband on this. Do what ever you have to do to end the driving.
in my case with my dad, his short term memory was really bad. I disabled the car. When he tried to start it I told him I’d call a tow truck. We repeated this fantasy every day until he moved into assisted living with my mom. It was no picnic but it worked.
To easily disable a car anyone who’s a bit handy can do it. Under the hood of any car is a fuse/relay box. Simply pull out the starter relay, hide it, then put it back in when it’s time to move the car. You don’t have to disconnect the battery, flatten the tires or jerk a bunch of wires loose. My dad would have seen a missing or disconnected battery and maybe have fixed that, but to trouble shoot a missing relay was beyond his abilities.
Good luck with this. It’s one of the hardest phases of caregiving.
“He has Alzheimer’s”. Do you have a specific professional diagnosis, done by someone who is trained in dealing with dementia, IN WRITING? IF NOT, you are not in a position yet to make objective decisions about managing his welfare and conduct. If he is under a doctor’s care, you need to be in touch with that person and discuss dealing with his cognitive status, AND his drinking.
IF he has DIAGNOSED dementia, your attempts to reason with him are wasted effort on your part. His emotional reactions to you are also distorted by dementia. His ability to self assess his capacity for alcohol are distorted by dementia as well.
You need an ally to manage this. Is there a compassionate family member in whom you can confide? A car that is disabled and cannot be started is NOT “safe”. It can roll, or be pushed, into motion and still cause damage.
You must learn to develop a loving hard core, thinking not what you need to do to prevent his hostile outbursts, but what you must do to keep him, YOU, and those who could suffer from his driving SAFE.
Do all that you do ON HIS BEHALF, with love, because the more objective you are about his condition and how it affects your life together, the more peace you will have about the inevitably difficult decisions that will follow.
In my state, if the elder driver is reckless (& you witnessed it), the police can make them appear for a review of driving skills. (But not sure if you think he's that bad yet). Otherwise, when it serious, you should check with a lawyer about taking away the car keys (or put a clubLock on the steering). Cuz it would be awful if he had a crash & hurt somebody. (Saw on the news how often elderly drivers crash into buildings cuz they get confused.)
Explain that if he is ill and that you want to keep HIM safe and keep HIM with you. Just keep repeating it that you want to keep HIM safe that HE is your treasure. Blessings hgnhgn
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Or as Luz found out when she tried to escape, the key for the ford did not work in the dodge.
youre not going to be able to reason with you husband on this. Do what ever you have to do to end the driving.
in my case with my dad, his short term memory was really bad. I disabled the car. When he tried to start it I told him I’d call a tow truck. We repeated this fantasy every day until he moved into assisted living with my mom. It was no picnic but it worked.
To easily disable a car anyone who’s a bit handy can do it. Under the hood of any car is a fuse/relay box. Simply pull out the starter relay, hide it, then put it back in when it’s time to move the car. You don’t have to disconnect the battery, flatten the tires or jerk a bunch of wires loose. My dad would have seen a missing or disconnected battery and maybe have fixed that, but to trouble shoot a missing relay was beyond his abilities.
Good luck with this. It’s one of the hardest phases of caregiving.
IF he has DIAGNOSED dementia, your attempts to reason with him are wasted effort on your part. His emotional reactions to you are also distorted by dementia. His ability to self assess his capacity for alcohol are distorted by dementia as well.
You need an ally to manage this. Is there a compassionate family member in whom you can confide? A car that is disabled and cannot be started is NOT “safe”. It can roll, or be pushed, into motion and still cause damage.
You must learn to develop a loving hard core, thinking not what you need to do to prevent his hostile outbursts, but what you must do to keep him, YOU, and those who could suffer from his driving SAFE.
Do all that you do ON HIS BEHALF, with love, because the more objective you are about his condition and how it affects your life together, the more peace you will have about the inevitably difficult decisions that will follow.
Hugs and hopes.
then..disable the car.
if he calls a tow truck...talk to them and explain you don’t want it fixed....just tow it to a storage place.
Blessings
hgnhgn