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Your mother is 57 years old?

Have you lent/given her money in the past?

When you say she is a compulsive gambler - in what sort of way does she gamble? Online? Visits casinos? Are we literally talking about classic gambling? There are support organisations for addicts and their families if this is what you mean.

I'm very sorry to hear that your father took his own life. This is such a big issue in its own right. How did you and your mother deal with that when it happened? Are there other family members also involved?

Then you say that your mother has your own business; which could be anything from a nominal company that's losing money but that she uses as an excuse for not getting a job, to a successful enterprise that pays a decent salary and she has run for many years. Could you narrow it down for us a bit?

When we look at the blackmail threat, it comes down to this: "pay me, or your mother will die and it will be all your fault." And the blackmailer has resources of her own, and the threat is a very cruel one. Don't you feel mad right back at her?
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Jenn2720 May 2019
Yes I have lent her money in the past. Thousand and thousands of dollars for her addictions. She runs a very successful business an enterprise that makes close to $35,000 a month or more. The reason she will never be able to retire is because she has a gambling problem and has not saved anything she has earned.
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Don't give your mother any money. So what if she gets mad. The world will not stop turning because she is mad at you. I know it may hurt your feelings, but it is better to have hurt feeling than end up living on the street or not having any money to do what you want or be able to get what you need.

Your mother knows that your dad killed himself and she is using it to guilt and manipulate you...that my friend is the worst kind of "emotional blackmail." To use your dad's death to get what she wants...are you kidding me...that is wrong on so many levels! You deserve so much better.

Just my 2 cents!
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Jenn2720 May 2019
I agree, she was not the beneficiary of his life insurance as they were divorced. My brother and I ended up with his insurance and it's been a bad omen. My brother has blown thru it in three months and it was left for him to purchase a home. I have my own home which I have worked hard for. She then asked me to buy him a home with my share after he blew his inheritance. I refused and she took out a personal loan for him which he hasn't paid a dime on. He has a bad drinking and drug problem. We didn't speak for 4 months because I refused to pay for his home. I am forever grateful I refused! My brother and her enable each others bad behaviors but neither one have pennies to rub together because they are both addicts. I have started a new healthy relationship with a new partner and I am finally happy. I refuse to allow them to come too much into my personal life because of their bad behaviors. I am embarrassed of the way they act and this is very hard to explain to my partner. I feel as though I just need to put space between us and boundaries or this will never get better. Am I wrong for feeling this way? My mother is capable of taking care of herself she is just not mentally capable I feel. I feel so torn but I have to live my own life away from the abuse also. My brother threatens me with pyshical harm when he is drinking and I don't want to put myself in those situations anymore.
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Suggest she sell the house and move into a facility... ARe you partners on the house? Get her a deck of cards, teach he how to play solitaire on it. with a jar of pennies. Start playing with her. Whoever ends up with the jar o f pennnies, gets to hopst next week.
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Jenn2720 May 2019
She is not old enough for a facility. She is fine living on her own still. My father and her were divorced. She didn't get a dime of his money and said we wouldn't have without her. Me and my brother..psssshh
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Stay out of the way of her financial demands. Why is it she keeps coming back if you are denying her? Her business is likely in trouble. Are you in any way financially involved in the business? Don't keep her afloat. Gambling problems can be helped. Tell her doctor and her lawyer. Then step back.
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Jenn2720 May 2019
Her business is in trouble because of her gambling addiction. I cannot tell her doctor because of the guidelines they now have. Her doctor wanted to put her on meds and she refused. I feel if I would speak to her doctor or even try or to her lawyer she would never speak to me again. I just don't think it's worth that. Maybe an anonymous letter?
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Yes, it's emotional blackmail.

Your mom is mentally ill. That's NOT YOUR FAULT.

Don't lend her money.

If you become impoverished, who is going to support you?
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Jenn2720 May 2019
Sometimes you just need to hear what your thinking in your own head. Thank you! It's just so hard since loosing my dad, he was my best friend and I didn't see it coming. I think she takes advantage of the situation and thrives off of it. Also, I think she is envious of me and my father's relationship as well. She has made comments about how he wasn't a great dad etc. You don't say those kind of things about your kids father especially someone who is no longer here. We are all adults, but it is heartless. I think she holds a lot of animosity towards my father. All I can do is Pray for her.
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