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Usually they get their loved ones medical team involved as you have suggested here. If your Mom gets pissed, let her be pissed. She needs to be saved from herself as you stated she wouldn't pass the assessment. She can also kill someone behind the wheel due to the fact that a car is a machine capable of inflicting such harm. She needs to know and understand that at this point.
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Piper, this is one of the hardest things you will ever endure. Yes, I am a rabid advocate for getting dementia folks off the road. It took me 5 years, interactions with cops and a pickup driven through a bank window to get this accomplished. We were so blessed that nobody was killed during this time.

My advice is this. Leave the letter in with all the other mail to be given to mother. She will likely throw it away. The beautiful thing is that 45 days will pass. License will be revoked, another letter will appear. By then, she will have no license. You can then have a family intervention and agreement that nobody assists her to "reclaim" the license. You can try to reason with her that she cannot insure vehicles if she has no valid license. By this point, you need to have a family plan on who is going to take her to medical appointments, grocery shopping, church, etc.

Best to you...
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my2cents Jun 2019
She will have no license, true, but she will also assume no one knows the letter came and may just drive without a license. I'm guessing another letter would come in 45 days to notify her it has been suspended. Maybe at that time, take her to the DMV and let them explain how she didn't do the paperwork. At that time she would be aware everyone knows.
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Hi Exhausted: I was the one who notified the DMV about my parents when they started to show signs of bad decision making while driving putting themselves and the public at large at risk. When “ the letter came” my mom decided she wasn’t going to bother with going to the DMV and her frustration and anger were not too difficult to handle. It wasn’t pleasant by any stretch, but she still had my dad and me to drive her places. When the DMV notified my dad, he went ballistic and wanted to kill whoever notified the DMV. He went to DMV and I knew he’d struggle with taking the test on the computer there. To my horror, after failing it on the computer and telling the clerk about getting picked up by the police because he got lost and ended up at some stranger’s house driving to a friend’s home, the DMV clerk let him take the test repeatedly manually until he passed it. I then took away my dad’s keys and told him he couldn’t drive until a neurologist gave him the OK. It was HELL. Neurologist backed me and over rode my dad’s “ passing of DMV” . To this day, my family agrees that by keeping my dad off the road in his demented state, we saved innocent lives. Hopefully, your DMV will be smarter and will do their part. You will still need to remove the car as seeing it everyday will remind your dad of his inability to drive. We also arranged for someone to drive both parents wherever and whenever they wanted to go somewhere. Yes their ability to drive was taken away, but they were not left stranded with no options.
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MountainMoose May 2019
I can't imagine what you endured, Alzh101. Thank you on behalf of a person or persons you may have saved.
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Just read the post where the DMV clerk kept giving the father the test till he passed it. The one Dept you trust to say "NO". It shouldn't have to be the family. Its hard enough dealing with some stubborn LO suffering from a Demenia and then u have to be the Bad one.

A police Officer in my town knew his Mom was not capable of driving. But state law says a Dementia person has to have an accident and it has to show that the Dementia was the cause. Really! So they kill someone in the meantime and that's OK. The States need laws to protect the rest of us. A car is a weapon used in the wrong hands.

Doctors need to step up to the plate and report that a patient should not be driving. As soon as a diagnosis is made of any Dementia, the license needs to be taken away. There were signs way before the diagnosis.
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Is she mentally capable/aware of how to get a car fixed if it is broken? Perhaps, disable the car and put a note under the hood to say she can no longer drive and not to fix the car...just tell her they can't find the problem. Maybe if she gets used to people having to drive her around, she'll give up. She'll still have a car in the driveway, just unable to use it.
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The mother needs to know nothing about the first letter. Really, if she had thrown it away without filling it out, her license would have been revolked for not complying. All she needs to see is the letter asking for her to turn in her licence. In NJ, u don't go to the DMV, but mail it to the DMV in Trenton. The next step is taking the keys and disabling the car. If she won't hand over the keys, call the local police dept and ask if an officer will come out and do it.

The best thing is to get the car off the property where she can't see it.
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Getkicksonrte66 Jul 2019
Where I live in California taking someone’s car keys is THEFT even if they are not allowed to drive.
Now accidentally throwing keys behind refrigerator is another story
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I would send it to her doctor and keep my mouth shut.
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lealonnie1 Jul 2019
MY thoughts exactly
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I went thru same ... Took my sister to her neurologist and he went ahead and told DMV that my sister should not be driving due to her dementia.
I personally took the completed
forms back to DMV, and Less then 8 days later sister received letter stating her license has been suspended.
Fortunately for us my sister just accepted it.... Actually I think she was somewhat relieved.
I do not think your moms Dr will fill final paperwork out without your mom having an appt.,
good luck
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