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She lives in her own home with my dad. She was only diagnosed with dementia six months ago and she’s already hallucinating. She always angry. We don’t know what to do. Is there anything get can do?
My wife is demanding the exact same thing - Everyday! She demands that she has to go home to Mom or her Mother will be mad. Ann has been suffering with Dementia for a little over two years, this "going home" request/demand, has just begun about three weeks to a month ago. What you need to be aware of, is that, as has happened with my wife, your Mother may decide to try going home on her own. You need to insure she is not able to leave the house without supervision. My stock response, whenever the daily request to go home is brought up, is that the house is no longer there - it was torn down to make room for a new highway, which, in my case is not a complete fib, that did happen just two blocks from her childhood home. That tale keeps her satisfied for a time, but then she starts again and will, if possible leave on her own. I've have had to get neighbors and police assistance a couple of times to get her home. Now have new alarms and locks that will hopefully prevent future wandering. Good luck, keep her safe. Prevent wandering!
This question is typical of many, if not most, posted on this forum. I haven't posted recently because my wife passed recently and I no longer have need to seek help. But, I do have experience going back more than 40 years with elderly/dementia care. The short, but unfortunately sad, answer is 'nothing'. Once dementia begins your loved one is no longer the person you have known previously. My wife had similar issues and usually would just respond "we'll see" or change the subject. It seem cruel but there really is nothing you can do to improve the situation.
I found that taking my Mom for a ride "to go home" would help as it distracted her and by the time we arrived back home she somehow realized she was home. Or else forgot why we had even gone for a ride. Patience is key. As my Mom has passed away now I wished I had not have had to work so I could have taken more time to go through old photo albums and possessions with her to distract her.
Old photo albums and possessions sometimes just make them sad or even confused. They don't know who the people are, and no matter how many times you show them the picture and explain it's their mother or son or whatever, it doesn't stick in their brains. So don't have regrets! It might not have turned out as you'd have liked anyway.
When dementia is at play, they regress in time, mentally, back to the place they were living w their parents at that age....the childhood home is the place they're looking to go back to. That's where mom is at now, mentally, thinking her parents are still alive, she's 20, and they're missing her presence at home. There is nothing you can say or do to "correct" this misconception either. It will persist and distracting her is the only solution.
Ativan .5 mg worked well for the Sundowning agitation my mother suffered in late afternoons with dementia. She insisted we were hiding her parents and siblings (All deceased) from her and was quite upset about it. All you can do is treat the agitation since the actual issue is not fixable, obviously.
I suggest you read this 33 of booklet online about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
My mother says this too. She is waiting to go "home", or to her "other" house. She's very violent about it, she's nasty and unreasonable. The house thing just started. Her dementia has got worse over this last year. Her personality traits more awful than ever. She keeps asking who's house is this. Yet some days she's yelling "this is my house!" She was always horrible but now it's ten fold. We just ignore the house thing. So sorry 😞 😢 it's a terrible ending, I thought it would have been gentle and reminiscing, playing cards and sitting by the fire with a cup of tea! This is purgatory for sure. Have patience it can't last forever. ⚘
Get a lot of information on dementia. It helps manage your expectations about what you mom can and can't process. This is not something she's choosing to do. Her brain is literally shrinking away, and answers are not going to register the way you want them to.
If she's thinking about her childhood home, maybe you can ask her to share what that was like, talk about it, tell her how nice it sounds.
I'm not above a white lie when dementia gets bad. "Pretty soon" worked well for my grandfather when he asked when his late wife was going to visit him.
Mira Lax makes dementia worse and can cause delusions and hallucinations. If she takes that, consider switching her to Milk of Magnesia.
That one change completely stopped my mother's sundowning, delusions and hallucinations.
A side note - my mother is not on any mind-bending or anti-anxiety drugs either. All she takes is a thyroid pill and one CBD (no THC) gummy before bedtime.
Life isn't easy but I no longer feel like I'm living in a lunatic asylum.
Your Mom had Dementia before the actual diagnosis. It does not suddenly appear. It starts very subtly. They are good at showdowning. Its usually sundowning that finally makes family aware that something is wrong. It will progress, sometimes slowly, sometimes fast.
I hope Mom is seeing a Neurologist. A PCP/GP knows a lityle about everything and a lot about nothing. There maybe a medication that Mom can take to help when she gets like this.
A couple of things. First make sure she doesn’t have a UTI or something going on, they often cause marked cognitive change. In my mom it is irritability, hallucinations and a real change in personality. She is also affected by dehydration, even when she doesn’t appear dehydrated when she hasn’t had enough water she wakes up from naps or nights sleep talking about swing a strange woman in her room or thinking she has to “go to the other house”. She has sometimes been confused about where she lives, wanting to go home and I tend to play along without feeding the delusion. “Which house do you mean”? Why do you need to go there? I let her talk about it and answer her questions broadly until she typically figures out she was dreaming or something, she slowly comes back to the here and now. I don’t want her frightened by these episodes so I never make a big deal about them I simply let her work her way through it and then laugh with her about it if we can. I often attribute it to her waking up from a very real feeling dream, we have all had that sensation of waking from a dream and having to get your bearings for a few seconds “was that a dream or wasn’t it”…? I know it’s more with her than that and while it can be really frightening and sad for me when this happens because I know it’s her dementia journey not just a vivid dream, I don’t let on to her that it’s sad for me because I don’t want her to feel more depressed or frightened by it than she must already, she can’t do anything about it except talk about it and I want her to feel free and comfortable talking about it, working it through.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Ativan .5 mg worked well for the Sundowning agitation my mother suffered in late afternoons with dementia. She insisted we were hiding her parents and siblings (All deceased) from her and was quite upset about it. All you can do is treat the agitation since the actual issue is not fixable, obviously.
I suggest you read this 33 of booklet online about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
We just ignore the house thing. So sorry 😞 😢 it's a terrible ending, I thought it would have been gentle and reminiscing, playing cards and sitting by the fire with a cup of tea! This is purgatory for sure. Have patience it can't last forever. ⚘
Has your mom needs seen by a geriatric psychiatrist for these symptoms? Sometimes the right meds can make a huge difference.
If she's thinking about her childhood home, maybe you can ask her to share what that was like, talk about it, tell her how nice it sounds.
I'm not above a white lie when dementia gets bad. "Pretty soon" worked well for my grandfather when he asked when his late wife was going to visit him.
That one change completely stopped my mother's sundowning, delusions and hallucinations.
A side note - my mother is not on any mind-bending or anti-anxiety drugs either. All she takes is a thyroid pill and one CBD (no THC) gummy before bedtime.
Life isn't easy but I no longer feel like I'm living in a lunatic asylum.
I hope Mom is seeing a Neurologist. A PCP/GP knows a lityle about everything and a lot about nothing. There maybe a medication that Mom can take to help when she gets like this.
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