My mother is 92 and home from rehab. She has had a hearing problem for many years but will not wear a hearing aid. Everything I say to her she misinterprets and accuses me of trying to fight with her, which I am not. Having a conversation with her is very difficult. This is not a new issue but it is wearing me down to have to explain and rephrase and still be misunderstood. I am in my 60s and she talks to me like I am stupid. She lives in my house.
Her particular tic was to ask me to repeat what I'd just said and then start answering as soon as I was embarked on the repetition. "So you DID hear me?" "No, no." "?!?"
Hearing is quite a complex brain process. I suppose her habit was like re-reading a sentence, just confirming what she thought it was in the first place? Something like that.
But in any case understanding what goes on only partly helps in not finding it a trial. Just wanting to send hugs and sympathy to go with the good advice above. And do try not to throttle her, I know it's tempting.
The other things I discovered was I had...to...speak...much...more...slowly, so her brain could process my words. I spoke LOUDLY and cut down on the words I used. The shorter the sentences, the better she could hear and understand me. When I used those tricks, we'd do OK. But the minute I'd start talking without her looking at me or I went to fast or didn't go LOUD enough or used too many words, "HUH" is what I'd get. ARRRRGH!!!!! It can be frustrating as all get out.
That would be a deal breaker for me.
Use a notebook and write in it what is important for her to hear. Or write routine messages on cards. Dinner is ready. Time for your meds. I'm going out. Whatever you routinely have to tell her. If she misunderstand your words, just write it down. No fuss needed.
Ignore her when she is ugly or misinterprets. I bet if you get on the phone and start calling around for ALFs she will pick up on that.
My husband and I both have poor hearing and need to get hearing aids. Sometimes I tease him and act like I'm talking when I am only moving my mouth without actually speaking. It's usually after he has gone off on a tangent thinking he heard one thing when another was said. He knows what I'm doing but we get a laugh out of it.
My parents were the best at that. My dad would misunderstand what my mom had just said and he would answer her about something they both found more interesting and my mom would go with his topic. Those standing nearby didn't have a clue what was going on. They (parents) knew they had misunderstood but were good natured about it. That's hard to do when you already are having a hard time with the person you are trying to communicate with.
You might consider alternatives the next time she goes to rehab. You don't have to bring her home. You are doing so because you want to. Remind yourself of that.
You have to lie down before someone can use you as a door mat. Any time you are making all the concessions yet the other person is not happy, an adjustment is needed in their expectations. For you to go through all that and they still complain, well, maybe you aren't the right person for the job.