She has dementia and is very negative. She has accused her son-in-law of stealing from her and told the state. What was "lost" was a substantial amount of money. Since someone told the state to check into this, she no longer has medicaid or a food card. She only receives $500. for social security per month. Everything she says is very negative and she is now saying she is waiting to die because no one cares about her. Her daughter and son-in-law are not allowed to speak with her. Her other daughter in town visits on occasion. I am in another state. Previously, I spoke with her often but now her phone says unavailable. She has one person who takes her to doctors and into town (which is 30 min. away). The caretaker has my mothers money and none of us children know anything about her will or anything about my mother. She said she would look into the phone situation for me. How can I help her?
There is something called a spend down of assets to qualify for Medicaid.
Wondering if the receipts that would qualify for spend down can be deducted from the $30K. (If there is any left?). And if this is still a possibility.
There are qualifying items, like burial plot, wheel chair, mobility assists, grab bars and home upgrade for handicapped accessibility that could possibly decrease the amount owed to Medicaid.
Perhaps there was no fraud, unknowing about the reporting rules and asset limits due to dementia? Still, ignorance of the law is not an excuse. An attorney, qualified or certified by NAELA could be a good investment at this time, but do not wait.
Unless your Mom has been a willful criminal her whole life, do not reject her because she has an illness which may be causing the negativity. imo.
Does she have the money to repay the Medicaid that she received? I would encourage her to pay every penny that she has because she is going to need help and I don't see that happening while she has an outstanding debt based on fraud.
You really do need to make the trip and get your eyeballs on the situation. If nothing else just to get an idea of where she is at physically and mentally and what is up with the money. Do you know how much it was?
I honestly don't feel sorry for her that she lost benefits from her actions, she has a substantial amount of cash to buy groceries and pay her bills, one of which is now Medicaid. She obviously doesn't want to do that but does she understand the ramifications of having a criminal charge for fraud against public assistance. It will probably disqualify her from any and all public assistance in the future. Felons can't collect public assistance in any way, no senior housing, no food stamps, no insurance except Medicare which isn't assistance. It is pretty serious, as it should be.
Do any of you have POA or HIPAA release to get her medical records? She will probably need someone that is willing to be the bad guy help her get her mess straightened out and you or someone will need authority in writing to help get it sorted out.
Good luck, this is an award winning mess.
How does that work for the OP’s mom? Is there still a penalty even if she pays the money back? So sad that she caused herself and her family this grief. Maybe her decline in her cognitive abilities have clouded her judgment. Hope they can settle it to where she can receive the help she will need for her care.
Can you make it?
Boots on the ground may be a good idea, to find out.
You can arrange for her care, you do not have to be the caregiver.
It demonstrates a lot of love and concern when you just visit, imo.
What does the "other" daughter have to say?
How long has the caregiver said that she will look into the phone situation for you? Can you ask her to put your Mom on the phone?
So sorry you have these concerns. You do what you feel is right.
Also, you can google the nearest Senior Center, start asking questions.
If they are close enough, maybe you can arrange for delivery of meals on wheels. They will actually see your Mother almost daily.
Or, their Supportive Services Department, or the Area Agency on Aging may be able to arrange a welfare check.
When all else fails, call the local police or Sheriff's office number. Tell them you cannot reach your mother by phone (for how long?) and ask them to make a welfare check on her. How old is she?
Best of luck!
Would you rather see her placed in a facility? How old is your mom? She is dealing with mental decline that won’t improve.
Does she still have the money at home? If so, pay it back, have Medicaid reinstated and have her placed. The caregiver was wrong if she tried to hide money. The caregiver needs to be ethical. She can’t listen to a person with dementia. The caregiver may be burning out and mom would be better off with a staff that is qualified to handle dementia. Do you have an objection to her being placed? It doesn’t matter what she wants at this point because she needs to be in a safe place.
Your mom accused her son in law of stealing and he is innocent so I doubt if daughter and son in law will help her.
Where do you come in? Do you plan on taking mom in with you?
I am a bit confused. Who selected this caregiver? Fill us in on a bit more please. Best of luck to you and your family.
My thought, given that she DOES have a friend there, is that this friend will call the EMS when your mother fails in some way. From there the Social Workers will reach out to family members they can locate to see if someone will assume guardianship. That is to say they are going to want someone to take on whatever care they can get them to take on.
I would tell that social worker WHEN she/he calls that your Mother has refused help from her family, doesn't trust family, and will require guardianship of the state. They will get her on medicaid and find her safe placement.
I am sorry to say this, but it's basically what I would do in your circumstance. Then, when Mother was placed safely I would visit and send notes when able. The sad fact is that not everything can be fixed. There are no magic wands.
Life is quite unbearable for some people, and they do long for release. That is not something easily fixed either.
I am so sorry. I know you feel that you must "fix this". But honestly, there is no way I can imagine that you can do so. Perhaps others will have some better ideas.
this can and should get resolved.
Has she been diagnosed with dementia?
Is someone been appointed her Guardian? If not she should have either a Court appointed guardian or a family member should be appointed.
I am curious about the caregiver...how much control does this person have?
A bit more info is needed.
And it might be a good idea to discuss this with an Elder Care Attorney