She is absolutely refusing to entertain the idea of moving in with me or nursing home..assisted living is out of the question because she only has Medicare and Medicaid. I don't know what to do. I had POA papers drawn up for her to sign before she gets so bad she won't be competent enough to sign, but again refuses...I dont know what to do.
If she's OK on a day-to-day level for the moment, do what you can to show her you are on her side, if your relationship allows it. Don't confront her with too much reality at once. Together, plan another visit to the doctor to get more info, create a list of questions to ask the doctor. Consider going to a memory clinic, to gradually introduce her to some aspects of this diagnosis, in a supportive environment. Be on her side. Be angry at the doctor with her. Try everything with her--memory drugs, vitamins, computer games, whatever she thinks might work. Yes, you'll be humoring her, but get used to it, because she'll probably never understand or accept her impairment. If she feels you are on her side, everything else will be much easier.
Pick your battles. Back off the idea of moving for now, if she is not in immediate danger. Do whatever you can to get her to sign the POA documents. Is there a financial professional or legal professional she trusts, even just an insurance agent or tax accountant? If so, try talking with that person privately first, see if they would be willing to present the documents to mom. Maybe someone from her church or other social group could talk to her about how they signed POA documents. Maybe these discussions take place in her bank or some other familiar office-type setting, where she feels she is a respected adult. She may be much more receptive to almost anyone else besides you! You are still an irresponsible teenager in her mind.
You're going to have to become sneaky and manipulative, for her own good and for yours. You have to round up participants and create situations in which she thinks she is being presented with information and choices, but you have already decided which information and choices she will have. Every day, you must remind yourself, you can never trust her judgement again, you can never ask her advice again.
This advice may or may not work, depending on her personality, the level of impairment, your relationship with her, whether you live nearby, how often you can visit. Good luck!
I totally agree with the posts before mine. Try the gentle discussions and if they don't work, back off and deal with what inevitably happens, when it happens. Not much of a solution, but what can you do.
Does she let you go to doctor's appointments with her? If so, maybe you could ask the doctor in advance to address certain topics? If they're willing.
Sometimes you have to start out by approaching this gently. I frankly think that moving someone with dementia into your home is a very, very bad idea.
If she resists discussion, you may need to back off and let the inevitable bad fall or illness happen which will get her hospitalized and then placed in rehab. Rehab can turn into a long term care placement.