How can I stop 16 family members from visiting my 90 year old parent? I’ve explained that he is not able to tolerate noise and a lot of talking bc he lives alone. None of them understand and think it will be a great family reunion. Dad has said I can’t have that many in my house at once. They just don’t get it and say they are going and staying with him no matter what. What can I do?
I don't know how but whoever is in charge needs to be made to understand the seriousness of what they're planning. We're talking about real sensory overload for a man of 90 who is used to very little company - it would be the equivalent of strapping somebody to a chair under interrogation lights and turning the volume up to 11.
Use block capitals or whatever emphasis you like, they need to get it. THIS WILL NOT BE A LOVELY OCCASION FOR THE DEAR OLD BOY. THIS WILL BE HELL ON WHEELS. YOU WILL HURT HIM.
That they're prepared to do it in spite of his objections to me shows that they simply haven't grasped the reality of the issue. He is not being modest or self-effacing, he is dreading the whole idea. They must have their grand jolly reunion elsewhere and visit him briefly and in small, quiet groups.
Dad setting his own boundaries may be a little too hard for him... Wish we could do it..
Which poster was it that advises "I said no. Maybe you didn't hear me? I said no".
I know that you say that your dad has voiced his concerns to you about it, but have you then shared with the rest of your family what he said? If not, you need to do so, as it's dads house and he gets the final say.
I would give your family the option of either the park or the restaurant, and if they don't like it, then you must tell them that they cannot come. Good luck.
So sorry that your siblings are so far removed from dads life that they don't know he can't cope with a herd of people descending on his home.
I know we're not supposed to be judgemental but honestly there are just some people you want to give such a slap to, aren't there?
I think the best suggestion I remember was the 'ring-leader' being called + emailed with clear boundaries of what the invitation was ie X amount of people, for X amount of time, byo all snacks. Also made clear were the consequences ie if more than X arrive, some will have to leave. Guests must leave on time & will be shown the door. If the 'ring-leader' accepted this *In Charge* role, they fully accepted the responsibility to enforce it also.
I wonder how that turned out?
If there is a natural strong personality (ring-leader / bossy boots) you have a winning deal! That person may relish being put in charge as crowd control.
Basically if your home - your rules (or Dad's home - Dad's rules apply).
If they don't like it *tough toenails*. They can party on somewhere else for their.grand reunion.
You have told them that your father doesn’t want to have a house full of people. They aren’t doing anything for your father’s benefit. This behavior is for their own benefit. They should meet up at another location and visit with your dad. one or two people at a time
They should call you before hand. If they call your dad, he may be caught off guard and be embarrassed to say that it isn’t a ‘good time’ to visit. If they call you. You can check with your dad and he wouldn’t be uncomfortable telling you the truth as to how he feels about having company at that time.
Is dad able to talk to them himself and just say no?