They did not want me to live with them & wanted for nothing. In January my sister called & asked could I come. She was sick. I left my 2 pups & boyfriend of 23 yrs to come help. Well my sis passed away in a month. My mother expects me to live the rest of my life taking care of her. My mother moans & groans every time I am in earshot of her. She doesn’ t sleep for days sometimes & becomes extremely violent & attacks me with her cane. We are very poor since my sister got Disability & a pension (twice the money as mom) which enabled them to get by. I miss my life with my beau & pups in Tx & am so depressed I don’t know what to do.
Can she be left alone if you need to go home? I know finding a proper placement takes time.
The longer you stay the more enmeshed in this mess you'll become. If you can, get a daily CG for a couple of hours and do the rest of the stuff from a distance. You won't need to come back until she'd got a place, if you want.
And DON'T broach any arguments from her. She doesn't get to hit you b/c you're not meeting her expectations.
Secondly, I'm so glad you are reaching out for help.
You need to return to your life AND you must stay & care for your Mother. Holding these two thoughts/ideas together is causing h377! How can you do both?
What if you changed the thought a little: You will care for your Mother. Remove the word *stay*.
Separate the idea of 'caring' from being her 24/7 maid to a loving daughter who calls, visits sometimes, speaks to her medicos by phone & arranges new clothes etc by mail when she needs them.
How does that look?
The facts I see: This is basically an emergency situation. Your sister & Mother's fulltime carer has sadly passed away. Mother needs 24/7 care. She can't afford or organise private pay in-home carers. You can't do it because you live elsewhere. Therefore the only option I see is placement in a care facility. She is aggressive & abusive (we know it's the dementia) but that will be enough to advise her Doctor she is being delivered to a hospital as *she is a danger to herself & you*. I don't usually recommend an ER Drop - but I do here.
Come back & update.
Start out by taking mom to the doctor and explaining to her/him that mom is attacking you physically and that you will be leaving to go back to Texas.
Ask the doctor to order a psychiatric evaluation for mom to get her agitation under control through meds.
Ask for a "needs assessment" to find out if mom meets the criteria to be in a nursing home.
Go back to Medicaid and ask for help in creating a Miller Trust.
Call the Area Agency on Aging. And contact others that can help that are familiar with Georgia rules. You can do this with proper help.
https://www.medicaidplanningassistance.org/medicaid-eligibility-georgia/
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