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Thankfully my family stopped celebrating Holidays a few years ago. They are just another day on the calendar.
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I have to face it. After our parents pass away, there is little to no chance that our entire family will celebrate the holidays together anymore. We have gathered since we were little kids, in the 60's to celebrate Mother's Day, Father's Day, Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas. The only times anyone missed was when in the military over seas or sick in the hospital. That's it. And of course, the spouses, partners and children have grown up with it too. But, after their death's the siblings will likely not come together anymore. It's kind of sad, really. But, all things will eventually change.
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My mother decided that cooking for holiday meals was too much for her when she was in her 70's. It surprised me because she always had to be "in control" of everything. I took the lead and offered to host. Most Sundays my son has several friend hanging around for feeding 8-10 is no big deal. I actually have it pretty easy for Thanksgiving. I do the shopping for the bird, potatoes and dressing and one dessert. My older cousin and his grown daughter take care of the veggies and the other dessert and rolls. I prep and cook the turkey and dressing, hubby does the potatoes and turnip and is in charge of the clean up with our son and his girlfriend who also take care of setting things up. We always cook a bird too big for the number of people we have and everyone brings leftovers home. We are now at the point where cousin's daughter has her own house and she will be taking over Easter going forward. Many hands make light work, everyone needs to pitch in.
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With my ex's horrid family, we could assign things and they paid no attention. They would not do it. It was their right to be entertained in grand fashion with no responsibility. We even made a game of it - look under your plate and see your assigned task. Some got "help Dawndy in the kitchen after dinner." Some got "go for a swim in the pool and help unload the dishwasher when it's time." No one did any of it, they just headed for the bar and stayed buzzed. I left after 15 years of Thanksgivings with this bunch. In all that time we were never invited to any of his 3 kids' homes for any meal, much less a holiday. Never even saw where the youngest 2 lived after college despite traveling through their town several times a year. Even despite having them overnight as our guests in our Florida and mountain homes several times a year. They were 37, 34, and 31 when I divorced him. Old enough to take some responsibility for something. Now if he gets sick again, they will have to step up to the plate or he goes to a nursing home. Too bad he wasn't nice enough for me to stick around and keep caregiving!
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Boy, have things changed. Growing up there were six in my immediate family. My Dad wanted holidays at his house. Mom did it all. I helped with the final things and cleanup. Sister did nothing. We always had company. Now...one daughter is RN not sure if working or not. SIL on call, grandson worked. So I did the Bob Evans thing. Daughter, ended up not working, had the food at her house. All she had to do was heat up. Asked if she wanted help..NO. Asked something else...NO! Asked my other daughter where she got the napkins...got my head chopped off. Ate my dinner and left. Next year out to dinner or find a small breast to cook. If u want to come, come if not oh well. For several years Xmas has been lasagna. You can eat and run. After being part of big family celebrations, holidays are such a let down.
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I came back to find out what happened.

We kept the holidays going as long as we could - but health problems has pretty much put a stop to our holiday get-togethers. We still have fond memories and we don't have to wait for a holiday to get together. Best thing we ever did was go out for Chinese for Christmas when my dad wanted it - he was Jewish so didn't celebrate Christmas anyway.

You did good New2This!
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For all of you who have been following this.....today's newspaper had Boston Market advertising Christmas dinner for 12 for $120......Pick one up for the older folks and bring it to them!!!
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My advice: stop thinking of the problem from your point of view and start thinking of the problem from their point of view. She wants help in the kitchen (a need that will increase every year), and you can supply it. He wants extra unusual food in the fridge that he can can "leftovers", which you can supply also. Make them happy, do what they want. Stop talking about "sticking to your guns"; this is not a lawsuit.

There are grocery stores here that sell all the prepackaged ingredients for a "home cooked" holiday dinner (turkey, potatoes, veggie, gravy, etc.). The prepackage costs a little more, of course, but not outrageously more. Using a "caterer" on the other hand is ridiculous; I don't think anybody's surprised that it costs a fortune.
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Thanksgiving dinner is too much for my mom (80), even with our relatively small family. I suggested going out this year, the problem being, that the people who would be attending live in three different towns in three different directions. Driving in this area in winter can be a challenge or downright impossible, and it would be required to even get to an area that had a restaurant that was open on Thanksgiving. It would easily be a four-hour round trip for people in their 80s and 90s, which is too much for them even with someone else driving. Younger members of the family would be willing to drive, but then you circle back to will the weather cooperate, and it's STILL too much and too confusing for the elderly people! Personally I'd be happy to skip the whole big holiday but no one else would hear of it. So guess who got stuck making (and paying for) everything? And guess what? Weather was so bad that no one came anyway.
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bolliveb: OH MY GOD. OH MY SCREAMING BOOOOOTY! IT comes a time when the happy happy joy joy kumbayah big jolly merry family groaning board feast just has to come to an END. I had to drive in horrorshow weather to my mothers every. single. holiday. It was a nightmare, and we would sit there looking at each other and outside at the weather from h-ll while dear old mom would clash around in the kitchen for three hours. It was a nightmare. I am so glad it's over now. I will never have to get in my car and drive 100 miles for a big jolly family feast ever again... I dont miss it at ALL.
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Lassie, I'm with you. I have a story, not that I'd suggest anyone else do this, but "mom" went to a great deal of trouble cooking the family feast, helped by other female relatives. The men sat about watching football. Told that dinner was ready, they continued to watch...Reminded to come, they did not. "Mom" grabbed her biggest skillet, marched into the living room and smashed in the TV. Last family feast at that house.
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Hahahaha, way to go "Mom". You're my kinda' woman!
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Good for rovana-Mom! Haven't we all dreamed of doing the same! :-D
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