After a few months of moving Mom into assisted living, I'm having severe anxiety or panic attacks, nightmares and flashbacks. I can't sleep. Or maybe don't want to since the nightmares are so disturbing. I am not able to even take care of myselfseriously. I hate being out in public. I am seeking counseling. But so far it's like the therapist doesn't take me seriously.
I can relate to this post and it has me wondering if those who are attuned to those they care for as more prone to experiencing ptsd and related symptoms. We tread trying to keep our parents in good health and stable in their elder years and it dawned on me that we are straddling a precarious fence that leaves us exposed to these symptoms - - - -that of keeping them well and alive while simultaneously saying goodbye over time (however long).
What a conundrum! We bond with these people through compassion and care - we are able to put ourselves in their position through trying on the clothes of elderly-hood in attending and predicting their needs. How can we not think of losing them when it is ALWAYS there as a faint type background musak? We also have to face the strong sun and are forced to look into reality of life and death and that one day, we will be in their shoes. It's scary sometimes - a lot of times - and we worry about our own health and future and what will be left after caring for our loved ones. Preemptive grief for our parents (or family we care for) as well as mourning what we used to be oblivious to and are forced to acknowledge in caregiving roles. We also mourn ourselves and what we feel we are missing while caring for our parents (and family). We worry about how much time we have left when caregiving is done and what quality it will be!
The fear the fear the fear of the unknown - the HOW it will play out - and the fear of certainty (the knowledge that life ends as a certainty for all of us).
Anyone who has ever endured separation anxiety as a kid knows how painful it can be and far more - that it is not often recognized in adults and essentially is described with a riduculing label of "codependent". Now I get the vibe of co dependency - I do - but it is also legit to know separating is hard no matter the situation and loss is what precipitates fear. Fear is at the core of PTSD and Anxiety & depression. It drives us to act and sometimes it feels it is driving us crazy for co co puffs.
I don't have the answers but I think we are more aware of loaded issues than those who are not as exposed to these things on a daily and deep level.
I read and reread staring at the sun which is available online in PDF form. It is very helpful in learning to live life more richly without all the fear of death.
Best
I didn't think my life was terribly stressful--but as I entered therapy (found the best counselor after 18 years of trying!!) and many years on medication....I made a breakthrough last year and discovered the root cause of my anxiety. Unspeakable abuse, as a child and going on into my adult years. My eldest brother. Once I was able to say the words, speak the truth aout what had happened, my psych dr was ecstatic. "NOW we can treat you!!" 20 years. I REALLY have PTSD. KNOWING what was "wrong" and working at claiming the truth and dealing with it have been so hard, but I am stronger and better. I am almost 61. My abuser is dead. I have forgive him, someday, but not today.
Life can, and will throw at you things you could not believe--and we are resilient enough to handle it, somehow. I am a great believer in GOOD talk therapy. And meds, if necessary. And self care. And forgiveness, of ourselves and others. I'm just beginning to "let go" of a lot of "stuff" I felt was super important, and while still serving others and being a wife, mom and grandma (AND pt caregiver to my aging mother) I take care of ME now, for the first time in my life.
Maybe my last 20 years on earth will be the best. I have hope.
About 30 years ago, I started crying and couldn't stop. Fortunately, my subconscious mind had been taking care of me and I had brought a pamphlet home from work on our "CARE" program. Five free visits no one has to know. I called and they got me into one that day. She wasn't a good fit, my second helped me for about 3 years, then I was at a place where I needed to move on. A third helped me through my divorce, etc. I have recently tried a 4th who wasn't a good fit. I think he was having problems of his own.
I was lucky because I was able, among other things, to work through problems with my mother before she died. So, when she went, it was in peace for me. It helped me understand her better. She was mentally abusive, and like almost everyone else here my sibling was no help during both parents decline and death. He had issues with our family situation too.
I hope you can find someone to talk to and this forum is a wonderful place to find help.