Does anyone else's parent cry when shown affection?
My mother is so old and frail, bent over and sad (yet, perfectly healthy, never sick). Its her negative outlook on everything that has ruined her life (and often ours). As long as I can remember she has been unhappy, negative and a "victim". She never seemed to take pleasure from anything. Meds didn't help, and she won't take them anyway. No matter what, she has always seen the glass as half empty. Yesterday I changed her bed, did her laundry, shopped and took her to lunch (my sister and I do it all because she is in independent living, should be in assisted but refuses). Her dementia is getting worse,and now she imagines things, lies, doesn't eat or bathe, doesn't remember anything after a few minutes. Other times she seems normal, but never cheerful or smiling. I want to hold her, make her feel better, but we have found it has the negative effect. When I left, I hugged her and told her I love her - AND SHE CRIED. I asked her why and she said she hates being old (its always about her). There is no sense trying to reason with her at all, so I don't know whether being tender is helpful or hurtful as hugging her is like hugging a stick, no response and she doesn't return it with any real feeling.
I'm sure that you felt terrible when your mom cried while you held her, but with dementia, tears will often come with any emotion. I truly believe that she was grateful to be held and to hear you say that you love her - so grateful that it brought on tears. Tears of joy and gratitude can be confusing, but think of this as a breakthrough as far as her emotional negativity is concerned.
She told you she hates being old. That's not at all uncommon. People lose so much independence as they age to say nothing of added pain and frailty. She cried out of gratitude that she’s loveable anyway.
What I'm trying to say is give yourself a pat on the back. You did something wonderful when you held your mom. Her tears mean that you touched he heart. Please continue to do this. Listen to her even when she's negative or doesn't make sense, and remind yourself that you are doing the right thing. You will always remember what you gave.
Keep up being such a wonderful daughter under hard conditions, and do try to take care of yourself, as well.
Carol
Keep hugging, keep telling her you love her no matter what. Those words stick even if your life hasn't been a bed of roses. Remember, everyone wants to know AND HEAR that they are loved.
Keep up the good work!
I agree with everyone else keep hugging whether there are tears or not. Oh and my mom forgets her crying within a couple of hours, so it's here and gone. I also think it's good to get those emotions out. Nothing better than a good cry!