Elderly parent hallucinates, has renewed driver's license, and has guns in the home. Any advice?
My mother is at her wit's end. He has a history of heart condition, eye problems, skin cancer, and more recently, kidney disfunction. The hallucinations originally began months ago and tests revealed a kidney problem, which medication helped and thus relieved the hallucinations. The overlying problem is this: he "forgets" or refuses to take all of his medications reliably and the hallucinations have returned. There are guns in the house and Mom hid the key to the cabinet, but he literally insisted she make it available because he thinks people are prowling. He has had his driver's license renewed recently by mail (this is a major issue that should be addressed, and not just in this instance but for anyone like him) and insists on driving even though he has had THREE fender bender incidents lately just on our property! He insists that there are people stealing things from the barn, sees people in the house that aren't there, and blames everyone else for everything he thinks is out-of-place or broken. Memory loss and cognition have definitely been an issue for the last year and it is simply getting worse. He has had an MRI and there are no indications of stroke, he passed an Alzheimer's test with flying colors, and in general appears to just be a slightly addled old man in public. My questions are: What legal resources are there to remove this dangerous individual from the roadways? What can be done when the symptoms of a probable kidney problem re-appear (aka hallucinations) and the Dr. doesn't have an available appointment for weeks? Where can we turn for immediate help in this instance??? We can't wait for weeks to have supportive services or counselor assigned.
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If everyone thought the same way, we wouldn't need these types of forums.
On another note, now that your Dad has been diagnosed with dementia, there now will be better understanding why he is doing or will be doing the things he does. But note, your Dad won't understand why he can't drive or have his firearms. At least now legally you and your Mom know what you both can do to make it safer for everyone.
We needed to discuss this amongst ourselves. After all, there is a lot involved in making these kinds of decisions.
Your following "answers" were accusatory and riddled with unnecessary drama and for that I don't thank you one bit.
So, yes... in a way you were right. In another way, following a forceful course of action may have created more problems and that isn't/wasn't an option.
A fortuitous (kind-of?) turn of events facilitated exactly what we all wanted without forcing the issues.
As it was, it has been a very emotional and exhausting weekend for all of us. Things could have turned out much differently.
Just a suggestion: tone it down a notch.
They did a CT scan and blood work up and in the waiting for results he decided he'd had enough and wanted to go home.
Long story short, he vanished and no one could find him so they called the sherriff's office. Turns out he just walked out of the building because Mom wouldn't drive him home nor give him the keys.
Someone saw him walking on the highway and took him home.
The Dr. has diagnosed him with "dementia" so now has a legal obligation to inform the DMV that his license should be revoked. The sherriff's office is also now involved and he cannot have access to firearms. My Mom can now pursue home care so that she can have access to periods of respite and "back-up".
Ba8alou, I was turning to other people that have similiar problems for suggestions precisely because I am only human and can't possibly think of everything.
My anguish over the thought that he would hurt someone else (or himself) is what prompted me to this site.
This person wasn't a particularly pleasant individual to deal with when mentally healthy and has only been less and less pleasant with this progression. I would Never, Ever have put my mother in a situation where she would bear the brunt of his frustration and anger any more than necessary. She is already coping with a bitter, angry, confused person and forcing the situation may very well have led to physical violence.
IMHO there is always a better way to do things, and maybe the outcome for this particular situation is the best we could have hoped for.
"Passed an Alz test with flying colors"? Was this the who is the president remember these words? It's called a mini mental and it does not rule out dementia. Get an appointment for a neuropsychological workup, which measures overall cognitive functioning and reasoning.
If you take him to urgent care the presenting condition is "altered mental status" I'm like you, I always think I need to have it all figured out before I took mom. I've gotten over that.
Guns and altered mental status are not a good combination, I completely understand not wanting to rob an elder of his dignity or lifelong passion. My dad died a few days after his doctor told him he was no longer safe to drive; I think it killed his will to live. But he/and we didn't have to deal with the ongoing life long horror and guilt of dad having an accident that hurt or killed others. This is a situation in which the rights of the many may outweigh the rights of the one.
Good wishes! We try to be helpful here but we're only human.
Participants beware:
There are some nuggets of wisdom here as well as some not-so-helpful responses.
Take them all with a grain of salt and good luck to us all!!
And thanks for the update regarding having to need a diagnosis and the right to bear arms.
If your family member is experiencing hallucinations or cognitive disfunction, an over-the-counter UTI test may not show anything alarming (to you) but they may have major kidney issues that can be diagnosed by a visit to a physician.
http://kidney.niddk.nih.gov/kudiseases/pubs/kdd/
"Diabetic kidney disease takes many years to develop. In some people, the filtering function of the kidneys is actually higher than normal in the first few years of their diabetes.
Over several years, people who are developing kidney disease will have small amounts of the blood protein albumin begin to leak into their urine. This first stage of CKD is called microalbuminuria. The kidney's filtration function usually remains normal during this period.
As the disease progresses, more albumin leaks into the urine. This stage may be called macroalbuminuria or proteinuria. As the amount of albumin in the urine increases, the kidneys' filtering function usually begins to drop. The body retains various wastes as filtration falls. As kidney damage develops, blood pressure often rises as well.
Overall, kidney damage rarely occurs in the first 10 years of diabetes, and usually 15 to 25 years will pass before kidney failure occurs. For people who live with diabetes for more than 25 years without any signs of kidney failure, the risk of ever developing it decreases."
It was suggested to me to call the police non-emergency line to see what legal actions can be taken.
If your family member has been diagnosed with a degenerative cognition issue, firearms can be removed from the home by local law enforcement. Their "right to bear arms" is revoked and they will be unable to procure another.
This may not be a solution if no such diagnosis (dementia, ALZ, etc) has been declared.
It may also not be a solution if your family member becomes increasingly belligerent, angry, spiteful, agitated or vindictive over perceived disrespect.
No such diagnosis has been declared in this case, so this isn't an option. However, even if he had been diagnosed I, personally, wouldn't take this action. I wouldn't willingly put my family in a situation that escalates the feeling of helplessness and fear in an elderly family member and sleep well at night.
As for taking him to ER, I am trying to convince my mother that with every day she delays treatment, she is causing irreparable damage to his kidneys. Forcing the issue of treatment (and poss. dialysis) may actually be the best thing for both of them. In the best of scenarios his kidney functions will be evaluated and immediate action will be taken.
I'm hoping that he gets treated for his underlying symptoms and the hallucinations will stop, and in the longer term, a trained professional can frequent the home and give her some much-needed respite.
I don't forget that she is also frightened, tired, and (when you are in the middle of a situation not always able to clearly see things for what they are) so caught up in daily acitivities that the dangers apparent to others aren't at the forefront of your mind.
It's such a delicate balance between doing what is right and rocking the boat just so.
Wish me luck. :`)
I believe we are going to have to take him to the ER at some point this weekend (they have company for dinner today so all should be well - it's worse when he is alone or just with her).
In the meantime, the guns can indeed be disarmed and that will be done ASAP so it looks like he is armed and protected and doesn't just go buy more ammo when he sees it's gone.
There is actually a form through the DMV you can request a driver's license re-evaluation for a variety of reasons but that takes time. In the meantime we are going to temporarily disable his truck so it can't be driven.
Curious, what does your Mom want to do?
You should be able to *surreptitiously* remove the firing pins/bolts/breeches from guns, but I have no knowledge of that, just have seen it on many TV shows and did a quick Google search. The police department would also probably be able to advise you on that and/or do it while your father is away from the house.
I think you are acting responsibly and have plenty of backbone. Good luck and keep us posted.
Let's hope.
However, also a thought....
I don't suppose your mom would consider calling the police and then, seeing what her options are? My FIL had ALZ and my MIL kept him at home. There was a female officer that was really good with him. a few times. (He beat a neighbor's raccoon statue to bits.)
As for the guns, remove all the ammo from the house, or hide it somewhere. I realize your parents live on a farm and rifles are the way of life, but once it becomes a safety issue something needs to be done. If your Dad thinks people are prowling, a family member could be accidently shot if you Dad mistakes that person as a prowler. Let Dad have his rifles, but no ammo, as the feel of the rifle in his hands makes him feel he is protecting his family.
As for driving, contact the DMV in your area, explain what is happening and ask for suggestions.
Hopefully all this can be worked out so everyone can feel safe.