My mom is 102 years old. Her wish was that she would never end up in a nursing home and would never be incontinent, experience dementia and be so helpless. I love her so much but I want her to find peace. I am guilt-ridden and despise myself for wanting her to pass. I know she has to but when I hold her hand, I don't want her to go. Please help, I love her so much and this pain has been going on for over a year. What do I do?
my 86year old father should start and end. He would like to live with me
but I know I couldnt live with him because he would try to take over my whole life
and control me as that is the way he has always been.
I am 2years off 70years of age myself, and I. I just want some peace and joy in the last years of my life.
The thing is, he never had to look after his mother and father in their old age
as they died in their early seventies when he was in his 40's He had all his time
free to do what he wanted up to age 86years with his extra marital affairs and girlfriends, but now selfishly he has no qualms wanting to move in with me
so I can look after him in his old age. He never thinks that he never sacrificed
his days and life to do that for his parents.
Frankly I feel my life and days are equal in value to the number of days he has
enjoyed, unencumbered, in his life. I still pick up my grandchildren and stay with
them for 3hours an afternoon, 4days a week and have spent my life caring
for my family and their families. I dont think I owe Dad the time.
Because he has never had to sacrifice his life as a full time carer to anyone.
I will do all I can do on a visiting shopping schedule and Drs appointments etc.
but Im dammed if I will sacrifice 5 or 10years of my 70's being his constant carer and around the clock carer. We all have limited time left to live in our later years
but he doesn't care about me or ruining my life as long as he gets someone to make his slave, so that he doesn't have to deal with carers or make decisions about moving into assisted living. I will be taking responsibility for my old age
care arrangements right to the end, this is my responsibility not the responsibility
of my children. Old people who burden their children are just being childish and selfish.
Dad has refused the help of carers, refused to have a monitored medi alert
bracelet or cooperate in putting his name down to review assisted living residences. Says Im perfectly able to care for myself, but trys to move in with me to care for him in his old age.
This selfish duplicity makes me angry. My brother meanwhile, because he lives
in another city thinks he can just let me sacrifice years of my life while he
doesnt.
I have said, they can put me in prison but I will not live with him or have him live with me.
And - one more thought - since this means HE has GREAT grandkids - do they brighten his life at all, does he care about them? (Wow - He was just 18 when you were born!)
😀♥️
Thank you for your kind understanding reply to my post.
Dad shows very little interest in his great grandchildren, and is critical of people in general and pretty self absorbed.
I have worried about what will happen when his mind becomes
more confused and he can no longer live by himself.
Your insight and advice about needing to have a plan in place
and somewhere set up for him
to go is
I am presently going through the steps to get his name on the list
at an aged home that has a good reputation. I rang them and they said I shoud get a centrelink(australian government)asset assesment done. It will take the government 5weeks to deal with it. So it is a step by step,unknown process for me, and I just keep on trying to advance a step at a time with it.
Happy New Year vstefans
Hope 2017 is a wondeful year for you.
you