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Karen, look up Teepa Snow. She has videos on YouTube about dealing with dementia behaviors. Truly wondrous and innovative stuff!
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Karen I hear that you are new to this. If you follow the answers and suggested research, you will find that your mother’s ‘memory lapses and confabulations’ are fairly normal, and you can have good ways to deal with them. Ways that make your mother feel better, and that you can swallow yourself. Have a look at the 'care topics on the right hand side of the screen, and find some topics that you can relate to. Good luck on a difficult journey! Margaret
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Look up the dementia FAST scale. It'll give you some idea of where your mom is on the journey, and where she's headed.

Yes, you indulge her, because there's really nothing else to be done. You won't be able to fix her memory problems, so more and more you'll have to let her take the lead with her version of reality and learn to make white lies to satisfy her desires for things that aren't real.

My mother invented a new husband when my dad died, ro for two years now we've had "Dan" as part of the family. I even went through the resentment of having my mother replace my dad with a stepfather I not only don't like, but I also can't see him. Still, he's real to her, he makes her feel safe especially during Covid isolation, and I've learned to live with the fact Mama doesn't remember her real husband of 66 years. Her reality is all that matters when we're together.
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With dementia it's becomes a fact of life that you have to repeat everything daily as if it were a new topic. It's a very difficult part of taking care of someone with memory loss. It gets really old after awhile. But that said, just gently remind her that it may have become lost in the move, and you don't know where it is or something similar. She may get angry, but try to let it blow over you if you can. You could even ask her if she has any idea where it might be, to help her feel that her opinions matter. Don't point out that she's already asked you as that will probably embarrass her. It's a tough road, good luck and All the Best to You
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KarenD1, it's good that in hindsight it's still clear that the correct decision was made in having your mom move in with you even though her condition is worse than you thought. Her condition(s) will almost certainly get worse, but learning the tricks of caregiving will help as will knowing what to expect next. My go-to bible when I became my dad's primary caregiver was the "The 36-Hour Day" that Gladimhere just recommended. But I digress from your question, so, yes, freely indulge your mom's forgetfulness. There's absolutely no need to cause her more stress by reminding her of things she does not and probably cannot remember. As it turns out, white lies are more golden than silence (to put a new twist on the Tremeloes' 1967 hit). Best wishes on this new and difficult, yet somehow still rewarding, journey.
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KarenD1 Dec 2020
Thank you all (and this site) for your help. I am totally new at this and have learned a lot in the last 48 hours.
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Yes, go along with her on whatever. There is nothing to gain by correcting or reminding her and plenty to lose. You will come to realize that her reality is hers. No amount of correcting will get her to remember and only results in embarrassment or eventually agitation for her.

Read the 36 hour day.
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