So my mom has slight cause of Dementia she still cares for herself I live with her. I am leaving for a week and my brother is gonna stay with her she gets really angry when I leave but then is ok. Should I tell her I am leaving or just do early morning when she is asleep?
You’re already expecting her to get upset. Don’t stay longer and prolong the agony for either of you. Say, “Goodbye Mom, I’m heading out. Your son will take great care of you.”
I was the hostess for every holiday gathering for my family. I enjoyed it for many years but when I grew tired of it I quit. My mom wasn’t happy about it. I decided that I wanted a complete break and made reservations at a hotel right on the beach! Best Thanksgiving in years!
My brothers looked after my mother while we were away. My younger brother is single and he stayed in my home with her. They did all of the holiday cooking that year while I enjoyed the beach with my family. My mom got over it and said that she was glad that we had a nice time.
I think she expected me to go back to cooking huge dinners for every holiday. I told her that I was done with it forever! My mom and brothers were surprised but I kept my word.
I started having the holiday meals catered for our immediate family. Everyone needs a break and we deserve to pamper ourselves once in awhile. So, go on your trip and have a great time! Leave the caregiving behind with your brother.
If a loss of control really did lead to this, then some other loss of control was going to do the same thing. Your sister would be in chains if she bucked the control and changed what she did.
In my own life, I can already see that it can be hard to cope with change as I get older. Unfortunately change keeps on happening!
We tell her so that she does not feel abandoned and think it was her fault that I left.
However, in your situation, we have learned to only tell our mom a few days prior to leaving now. She has a calendar to write it down on, yet she still asks when are we coming back. It’s a difficult situation but you are entitled to a break.
So let your brother take the reigns and enjoy yourself. Perhaps it’s also something your brother can help by letting your mom know that he’s coming to stay with her while you’re away, and they have some catch-up time together, putting a positive spin on it. Wishing you the best, and an enjoyable trip!
In my own case, my mom would often find a way to try to sabotage the trip by suddenly getting sick. When she didn’t do that she was begging to go along. It was always a gamble what she might do but it was never “Okay, have a nice trip!” so we stopped telling her. The funny thing now is that she often suspects we are on vacation even when we aren’t but since she has a caregiver it is none of her business and we just let her think whatever she wants to think.
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