My 3 sisters had nothing much to do with Daddy from the time they left home. Maybe saw him every couple of years. When Daddy got sick I took him in and took care of him for 8 years.He had Alzeimers. He had already made me his power of attorney back wheen Momma died and the executor of his will. They didn't like this when they found out about it - and they didn't visit him or me a single time in the whole 8 years.
Daddy died in August. They cam to the funeral but didn't speak to me. I went to court and filed the papers, but they said since the money was in a account with all of our names me and daddy and my sisters, on it it didn't have to 'go through probate. So I sent them a letter telling them how much money they were going to get from the inheritance once I paid all the final bills It was share and share alike so we all get a 1/4. Now they are all calling and saying there should have been more money becaue daddy trold them he had a big CD 20 years ago, and they want me to show them all the money I spent in the last 8 years.
I could go to the bank and get copies of the statements for 8 years i guess, because i don't have every receipt anymore. But do i have to? I haven't done anything wrong but they are making me feel like I am a thief. After staying out of daddys life all these years and not giving a hoot about him or when he was in the hospital or dying. Do they have any right to make me do this?
Take care of yourself and try to get this behind you,
Carol
Like your sisters, my mother circled around like a vulture until Dad passed away. Instead of "How is he doing?," "How are you holding up?," and "If there's anything I can do, call me," she said "Is that #!(* dead yet? ... I want what's mine."
They split when I was 3 1/2. We lived on W. 22nd St. in Manhattan. At her insistence, he took me to Brazil; where I grew up until the age of 19. She moved back to Puerto Rico w/ my 4 sisters to live in a hovel w/o utilities. None of my sisters finished school, as she taught them the fastest way to live on the lap of luxury was to find old men with money. Bank accounts depleted, they moved to their next target. For the first 5 years after their divorce, he sent money orders for child support. She returned them w/ nasty notes written on toilet paper. "MY daughters don't need charity," "I don't need a man to survive," "Shove the m/o up your ..." So he stopped. But kept copies of the money orders as well as the notes In case my sisters would ask about it someday.
I brought him to NYC to spend his last days w/ me and my sons. My sisters, who also live here and have made a career out of Welfare & SSI/SSD, never bothered to come by. I visited them once to let them know about his status and request assistance, but all they talked about was the poverty they went through because of Daddy. I showed them the money orders and notes. They dropped their dentures, then said they believed Mom. I told them he instructed me to give each one of them the $ he put into 4 savings accounts ($20+K each). They blew the $ in less than a month and called me to get more because they KNEW there was more somewhere and I didn't want to give it to them or spent it all on myself.
I gave them all the bank records: each account opened w/ $1,000USD, and deposits of $300 every month, no withdrawals, and the closing balance. They talked about selling property, valuables, etc.. I explained the only thing they're entitled to was the $ (child support) in the accounts, which is a lot more than my other 18 half-brothers/sisters in Brazil got. As to the property, they're more than welcome to fly down to the middle of the Amazon at their own expense and spend some time with us. They asked for roundtrip plane tickets.
To make a long story short: send them the bank statements along w/ their share. If that isn't enough -- which will never be because they've labeled you a "thief" for life -- they can always take you to court. It seems that tearing you down after they neglected your Dad over 8 years is the only way they can live with their conscience and guilt. You have nothing to hide. Let them sue you, and invite the rest of the family to the court proceedings so they can see with their own eyes what vultures really look like.
Makes me glad I'm the only surviving child. Before my brother died he lived closer to mom than I did and did nothing. I presume there's nobody who can step up and try to get nitpicky since I am the only heir. Not that it would matter...mom isn't wealthy, I work and we're certainly not living high off the hog. What she had to begin with wouldn't have covered 6 mos in AL.
I vote to sit back and watch them spin their wheels. Priceless.
And to this day she will say she was the ONLY one that took care of him... I don't even argue with her... I know what I did and didn't do, do not owe HER an explanation...... Inheritance, sure brings out the worst in people, but you are doing the right thing for yourself... them calling you a theif certainly doesn't make you one...... when they see how much it is going to cost them, I doubt they will persue going to court..... sounds like they got a very fair deal when they never helped.....the greatest thing about this whole deal is YOU!!!! You did what you felt was right, took care of your dad, and they can figure out the rest for themselves... good luck and prayers for you....
But, of course, that is a drastic step which you may not be prepared to take (I mean this sympathetically - reporting your sister in this way would be at the hard-nosed end of the scale).
As a compromise, you could write down the kind of incidents that have been reported to you and ask her to explain them. Or you could take the details to a specialist elder care lawyer and seek advice.
It isn't okay for your sister to abuse her POA. It is reasonable for you to ask for reassurances that your parents', now your father's, finances and care are being properly managed. The grey area that started this thread is about caregivers under pressure being suspected and badgered by uninvolved family members; that doesn't mean we're not sympathetic to your concerns, too.
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