I had the talk yesterday with my dad and explained he can no longer live at home. His mobility has declined to the point he needs 2 peope to assist with his transfers. He is just the kindest sweetest man ever. He never complains and goes along with anything. So knowing that, I was not surprised that his response was "Ok, OK, I know." in his very soft voice. I feel so guilty and sad and I worry I don't know if he is scared or depressed. Not to mention how will I know if anything is wrong when I visit him.
You will be bound to worry about him, nothing you can do to prevent that. Choose your NH carefully, then get to know everyone who has contact with him, ask lots of questions and don't be afraid to speak up if something's not going right. And he is bound to be apprehensive, but there are many advantages to the change too - try to help him focus on those.
To make this transition as positive as possible, start having some "enthusiastic" conversations with Dad for example, about where Dad would like to move, what kind of place would he like (AL with assistance, etc.); and what things are precious to him that he would like to take with him (pictures, momentos, his special chair, a rug), etc. You can help him select things and if he has a favorite chair, end table, lamp -- maybe you can take those things with you and set it up in his new residence exactly as it is in his old house (so when he sits in his chair, the surroundings very closely resemble his home). I also suggest, you take pictures/video of his home, neighborhood, favorite hangouts, etc. and put in a book or on CD so he can view and remember.
Reassure him that home is where family is and that you and other family and friends will visit often. Maybe initially, set up a day - Thurs eve, Sunday eve where you visit and take him to lunch/dinner or you and your family have dinner with him. Maybe if he likes BBQ or Pizza, Arby's --whatever and you bring that carryout to him every Thurs eve and you sit together and share this special meal together. This will give him something regular to look forward to and acclimate to his new residence more positively.
I think it would be common/normal for your Dad to feel scared and a little depressed --as he's losing some control and realizing that he is losing some control and entering another phase of life (not necessarily welcomed!) but you can be reassuring by having a positive attitude, patience and try to let him know he and you both won't have to worry so much about something happening, his safety and wellbeing and you will still be spending some quality time together and that won't change.
God bless, and I hope he finds a great place to live and you can be thankful for alittle more relief from the day to day worry.
Let us know how things go.
i have no advise, i never even met my father.
but it sounds like he is so considerate, i guess you have to convince him that being honest with you about how he is doing, is the most important gift he can give YOU right now.
let him know. oh. just bless his heart. you are a very lucky girl.
My mother has been in an AL since July 2013. I literally have to make myself visit her. I don't like her being there anymore than she wants to be away from home. It is not easy and she did not agree to go, but she was at the point that she needed constant care. So I, as well as many others, know the guilt feeling. It is hard!!!