My SO of 12 years step father passed, towards the end I went up to go help and we went through a graphic ordeal helping him. I did my best to stay strong but experiencing that on top of losing someone I have known this long has been difficult.
Its been 3 months since he passed and I went up to stay with him and his mom but noticed my so started getting overly agressive towards me. His mom and him are best friends and he didnt want me to do anythign to stress her out like my disorganization.
After over 2 weeks I couldnt take it anymore and came home. He has only become more distant and I dont tlak to him till around 8 pm. He has been helping his mom with random projects that are not fully needed just wanting to change the house as much as possible. Meanwhile out house is literally falling apart. I have chrinic health issues and no money, still in school and looking for a job but after an incident where I mentioned I missed him and it was nice to hear form him he got anrgy passive agrgesive and siad all I do is complain...I just told him he seemed to be in a mood and just throws whatever I say back, like Im the one with an attitude.Afterwards I asked for space since it was late and we could talk about it tomorrow. He blew up my phone made me call him to argue and got angry when I kept saying I didn't want to continue. He has a history of emotional abuse but seemed better till his step dad passed. He is very sweet to his mom and I know if she heard how he can get with me she would be very disappointed but he makes sure to get after me in a car or when she is not in the room within ear shot. I was up with him past 1:00 am and he just says I am not being understanding or reasonable while completely blind about his behavior. He has fully checked out and I am not sure what todo as I have no money or income or health insurance without him.
I know I don't deserve this and after he cussed me out recently, screamed at me when I asked for him to stop, I don't think I want to stay in this anymore.
And the fact that you've tolerated his abuse for all these years lets me know that he's beaten you down so, that you believe that you deserve it.
Well I'm here to tell you that you DON'T deserve to be treated like that and in fact you deserve SO much better.
So pack your bags while he is away, go to a women's shelter if you have to, apply for food stamps, Medicaid and disability if need be. The folks at the women's shelter will help you with all of that.
And while you're at it change your phone number, or at least block your SO's number and his mothers.
There are resources out there to help you get back on your feet, but you're going to have to take the first step in asking for help. You can call 211 to find out what help is available in your area.
But please, whatever you do, DO NOT stay in this very abusive and dysfunctional relationship. 12 years is long enough. Time to move on and find joy and peace again in your life, and sadly that will never be with your asshole of a SO.
I would also recommend getting some good therapy to try and uncover why you feel you deserve to be treated so poorly, so you won't make the same mistake again.
You are stronger and smarter than you know, so get out there and start living the life that God has intended for you to live.
We see these Mommy’s boys all the time on this forum. It never ends well for the SO that will eternally play second fiddle. Dump him.
You say you are disabled . Have you tried contacting your county services for the disabled for help getting housing , a job , insurance on your own ? Tell them you are in an abusive relationship and need help getting out of it . Look on your county website for social services as well .
you’re in an abusive relationship.
I am relieved that this is a significant other and not a marriage and that there are not children involved.
I believe you would do well now to move on. I hope that the apartment is yours; if not I would move out. You seem to have an angry and violent SO; while I am very surprised if this is the first you suspected that, I am very happy it happened before a marriage, and certainly before children.
You now have an opportunity to address what you should be addressing, your education, your job hunting, and househunting if that's needed. Address your mental health issues with a good therapist; none of that online nonsense.
Wishing you the best moving forward. While it is difficult to end a 12 year old relationship I have twice done it, once with children, and have survived to be now with a wonderful and supportive guy for 38 years. The key is to learn from your mistakes. Relationships failure belongs to two people, not simply to one. Knowing your own part in things is key.
I wish you good luck, and am sorry there is so much grief involved, but this gives your SO time to help his mother adapt, adjust and make her own home safe.
Hopefully you two can remain friends.
Best to you. Take care. Hope you will do well.