When declare that it is a scam, she replies, "but they need our help". We argue constantly about junk mail, as well as telemarketing calls. At the moment she is buying much merchandise from "Publishers Clearing House" for items that are cheap Chinese junk, and that are already in the house. Her false hope is that we are going to win a million dollars. I have insisted that we go to counseling, threatened divorce, become exceedingly angry; nothing works! How do I get through to this woman?
for each one, as if he were paying bills. He gives me stacks every
week to mail...
People often like to give to the national Humane Society. Most of that money goes to the fundraisers and fundraising projects. A few cents of each dollar goes to the local shelters. However, a donation to your local humane society goes to the animals.
Talk to your wife about donating locally. That will give you some control over the amount spent, since maybe she'll let you be in charge of what you decide.
I have a phone that announces who's calling or says where the call is coming from.. I never pick it up unless I know exactly who it is... All you have to do is add the name to the number you want to pick up..
You could shut of the ringer and check it during the day for messages and call back who you need to..
I research one that seems suspicious, especially new military, animal and Native American charities. For the last, I found that one of the aggressive charities had been engaged in fraud, was sued, and the list goes on. After pointing that out, that outfit's literature was put in the recycle bin.
But I do know the problem. It was an issue we discussed in the caregiving course I took through the Alzheimer's Assn. Many of the issues raised in the literature handouts addressed common older behavior patterns, one of which was susceptibility to "charitable" solicitations, and sometimes political solicitations (which are much worse!).
One of the possible vulnerabilities we came up with is that the people who are susceptible often are people who have a history and tradition of helping others, whether it's family plus neighbors, church members, doing volunteer work, etc. Now that they're aging, the physical help is not longer possible.
Yet the need to help remains. Enter the Beltway Bandits with their sob story pleas.
I've called some of them and threatened to get injunctions; I've called others and told them I know how much their CEO makes and that's multiple times what my father gets on SS, so let their CEO's contribute. Some listen. Some don't.
And they sell lists, so one charity donation ends up producing several other charity solicitations.
What I've done is find ways to help people other than doing physical work, by supporting good organizations such as Scouts, military and animal organizations which I've vetted, as well as neighbors and friends who help. When someone does something for Dad, I suggest thinking of ways he can help them, and generally most everyone can use a little bit of help one way or other, whether it's a nice little dress for the little neighbor girl, help with a neighbor who's ill or having financial difficulty, a MOW donation, etc.
Other options are monetary or food contributions to food pantries, using cards sent by charities to donate to nursing homes, long term care hospitals, VA hospitals and VA homes. I would think there are a lot of military people at Bethesda who could would enjoy knowing that someone they never met is concerned about their war injuries.
That kind of charity is "up close and personal" and I think brings more rewards than sending a check to a conglomerate type charity.
I have discovered that sometimes mental decline manifests itself in different ways. Sometimes it causes people to be obsessed with something. Sometimes it makes people neglect things, it makes people repeat themselves or forget things. Still, other times, people just exhibit poor judgment.
I would consider everything that you have observed about your wife and whether you think she just is not able to process the truth about the junk mail. She may not be able to understand what you are asking her to do. There are various reasons this may be happening. I'd consider that possibility and try to protect her and you.
I think that I might figure a way to get a post office box and stop all incoming mail. You can get most statements sent by email. I'd explore keeping the mail out of her sight.
Use a fake checkbook
Oh, I am glad I am re-reading the post. Mom's mail is forwarded to you! Awesome. You have already intercepted it. Cool!
If mom has no POSTAGE STAMPS, she cannot mail out anything. Politely say, Okay mom, I'll mail this for you, which will be the fake checkbook...
How's that? I think it would work for my mom. Not sure what other folks think. My point is I don't want to fight with her. So, whatever it takes to keep the peace and make them think they are buying whatever, so be it.
If the item never arrives *hehe*, you can say, "See mom? They are a bunch of scammers, they took your money".
I know, it is one more thing to deal with. Not earth shattering, but bothersome nevertheless.
M88
Dan, did your wife work outside of the house and have her own credit cards and her own checking account? Or was everything that was bought you paid the bills?
If couples aren't cross trained regarding finances, the one who would just shop until they dropped think money grows on the trees, the bank account will always be readily available. If your wife doesn't have her own checking account to pay for these things, might be time to set one up. That way when her credit card becomes due, well she needs to write the check from her account. Oops, not enough money in her account? Well, lesson learned the hard way. You take away the credit card.