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We were told that part of her brain is affected, whether by dementia, stroke, bleed or injury. With my adopted Mother, it went away over time. But I got so tickled when I came to visit and “teenage” her had to break up with her boyfriend because he liked someone else on the floor, lol.
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My Mother and another resident decided they were married and called each other by their previous spouses names. Each enjoyed having someone to walk with and share the day. They willingly went to their own rooms at night. However, when Mother needed a physical exam, her "husband" did not want another man examining her without him present. It was a major brouhaha before being worked out. Their relationship made them both happy and that made me happy. However, his wife lived in another area of the facility for those not needing such care. She volunteered every day and saw what was going on. I could not go up to her and ask how she did it and with such love. I now am so sorry I didn't learn the source of her strength. Ultimately I moved my mother due to my own move out of the area--she never mentioned him but she was never as happy either!
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Mom is happy so let her live in her make believe world. As you can see, this has a positive effect on her. My mom had ALZ and when her male physical therapist came, she was a different person. During one of his visit, she told him a young man makes an old woman feel good.
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Happiness is so fleeting , why interfere with her happiness? (even if only imagined) Happiness requires
a. something to do
b someone to love
c something to look forward to.
And this fantasy boyfriend is providing all of these. Let her be
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All these answers make me feel better about my mother's behavior towards her mailman. She lives on a rural route & the mailman is supposed to not get out of his truck to deliver anything that can fit in the mailbox.

Mother would hear him coming and grab 2 Hershey's Kisses and make her way to the front door--where she would be motioning for him to come up to the house. He would (the sweet guy) and she would tell him he had to give her a 'kiss' and she'd give him 2. HIGHLY inappropriate, but he'd maybe peck her on the cheek and take the candy. I witnessed this ONCE and about lost my mind. "Mother, this is sexual harassment!" (On the lowest possible level, but still, so mortifying,) She said 'oh, he loves it'.

Upon speaking to him one day, he admitted he in fact, did NOT 'love it' and was putting in for a transfer. Luckily it came through and she has a new mailman she hasn't been able to train.

And she does not have dementia. She's just kooky. She also thinks all the single men at the Sr Center 'want her'---and I have to give her snaps for thinking that could be true. She's 90 and a hard worn 90.

And yes, she watches those awful Hallmark movies every single day. I think they have rotted her brain. She is icky sweet flirtatious with all my sons in law--they have handled that far better than I would.
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We had similar problem. Mom thinks "young, attractive man" is flirting with her. Starts confabulating and getting out of hand, all due to him remembering she likes cantaloupe and asking her if she wanted some that day. Other ladies at her table comment: He's too young for you. Why is he after you? Which did not help. Earlier occurrence involved male aides giving ladies baths, watching them put on pajamas at night...it got to the point where I felt a little weird about it. A male aide takes selfie with my mom. Male aide says "you look great in jeans" (mom usually was wearing loose sweats up to that point before starting to come back to herself and dressing less casual). But it all fed into her fantasy that she is "hot", and that she is at work in the factory again where secretaries are infighting, jealous of management attentions, etc., from 50 years ago. Long story short, too many things happened, and she became casual about mentioning how much everyone was complimenting her, spying on her naked, how "cute" they all were. Turned into a giant investigation. Luckily she and I are able to still talk frankly (she is not mentally disabled with dementia) so I was able to help her understand what was reality and why it was important to be accurate and not let her ego and self-esteem get an innocent man fired, he has wife and kids, was only being friendly, she is inexperienced at 80 and having had three strokes, and having lived in an isolated fashion for so long, and she agreed that she was perhaps not perceiving their intentions correctly. She often refers to her care facility as "work" or "the factory" and her friends as "the other secretaries", but we are working on it. Good luck to you, just wanted to share the idea that we nipped it in the bud so no one would be fired, but it certainly does require some caution and we want to keep our loved ones safe, so cannot just dismiss such things.
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My mom selected a reputable local surgeon as her imaginary fiancee. She spoke to him daily on a dead phone line, sang to him, and changed her name on all her bills to his last name. While dining in a fast food restaurant, she informed me, at the top of her lungs, that she had had sex with him. This continued for several years. It dominated every conversation, every visit, and every phone call.

Did I handle any of this well? No. There was zero evidence that any of this was true, but my mom would not be moved from her belief. To indulge her fantasy would lead to hours of discussion about her wedding, what to wear, and so on. I simply could not, and would not do that. I did not care. After trying logic and evidence, I simply gave up and refused to discuss it with her.

She is now in a facility and tells me that a group of men gather and sing to her at night, outside her window.
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From my reading here, it’s not uncommon. My LO had several delusions early on. One was that her doctor slept on a couch in her MC. Another, was that an old male friend was her roommate. Her roommate was a female with short hair who wore jeans, but in her mind it was David and she was very happy about it. I went along with it. Later, the softdrink delivery man took her on dates by picking her up on a horse to go get ice cream, She loved that a lot. There was no harm and it made her happy.
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This falls under the delusional disorder broad umbrella term. The larger word of course is mental illness. The person's mind tricks them with non reality and in this case, your mother's mind may have tricked her into thinking that this is a real relationship. Oftentimes, the person cannot distinguish reality from non reality.
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After reading all of these comments, I figure if I live long enough to end up in a nursing home, I hope I can have some of these hallucinations (only in my brain-not acted out)--my "social life" will be far more exciting than it has been so far! LOL
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This is not uncommon. Some people have delusions regarding relationships with other residents much to the dismay of their spouse. A person with dementia often suffers delusions of varying degree. As long as these delusions are not causing distress I would keep redirecting her. However, I'm thinking that the facility should be made aware. They may already know given that they have additional staffing for personal care.
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Wow- great responses and advice- I had. I idea how many others this happened to. So familia!!! My mom thought this male aide spent the night last night where they played “kissy kissy” etc. he wasn’t even on duty. Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences and offering suggestions! Glad I had courage to post!!
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When my mother moved into assisted living, she told my sister and me that two of the gentlemen at her dining table were in a good-natured competition for her affections. She said they thought she was younger than she was (although she looks every day of her 94 years, although a good 94 years). My sister was appalled. I told her that our father had probably never made our mother feel attractive the whole time they were married, not being free with any compliments, and if she wanted to have this fantasy now then that was fine with me. Fortunately, my mother is very discreet and never exhibited any outward behaviors that she thought this. I agree, however, that any "object of affection" outside the fantasy should be protected from any embarrassing situations.
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Carol2324 Mar 2020
I had my mother in a nursing facility and her roomate told me that a guy in the place was not being nice with my mom and others and that she could not talk much about it and to watch my mom closely. Shortly after that the lady was moved to another room and left my mom by herself. My mom when she would see him would get upset and would make a jester that she did not like him. I had seen things go on with my mom I was really concerned about and eventually I was right and it was too late. They gave her an overdose of her medicine and thought her sleepiness was due to being tired and she died shortly after that. She had no real medical condition accept her mind. I found out after asking questions about the guy in question, that he was living there but came off the streets and the nursing home let him stay there and. wash his clothes when I found that out I called supposedly the management and he was no longer there after that, however abuse started toward my mom. A lawyer informed me to remove my mom because he got similar reports within that nursing home. I got that message at the begining of that week and planned on my mom leaving the next Monday when she had a doctors appointment. That weekend she went to emergency of a possible overdose or stroke the stroke was rulled out. She died that Monday..The nursing home has sinced closed I never got closure or was able to take legal actions. So don't be shy to investigate to the point of being sure your mom is safe.
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These days, you can never be too careful. Obviously, the male aide was smart enough to bring another female aide when he assists your mom. He gets my HIGHEST respect because most males fail to heed the early warning signs. Also, this protects him from any sexual harassment complaint in case her "love" fantasy changes into a "rejection" fantasy. Better yet, she should have ONLY females assisting her. No male should EVER be alone with her.

As a home health aide, my first male client was a wonderful, clean man who suffered from dementia. Although a widower, he had lived a very full life. He had all the old photos, news clips, etc. to support every story he told about himself. I worked from 3 to 11 pm with him.

After a few weeks, I began to get a "funny vibe" as the sun began to set. He normally went to bed at 7 pm. It suddenly took him a long time to get settled in for sleep. He began to speak very sweetly. I halfway dismissed it -- until one night I caught him watching p#rn on his computer.

He did not know I saw him. I never said a word to him or anyone else. As I know this can happen with dementia patients, I did not want to embarrass him. I simply replaced him with a female client. And if I can help it, I will NOT be with another male client again!

P.S. Please keep in mind, the medications may confuse a patient's mental state. My male client (above) was on many prescribed, over-the-counter and holistic meds for dementia, hypertension, broken bones, etc.
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