Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
They just keep saying they are smart and would not have lived 83 years, they make you feel like you have insulted them but all you are doing is describing a certain situation that has nothing to do with their age or capacity to understand.
What situation are you describing that is so important for them to understand?
They are not listening to you, and you can't make them. Just stop talking. You can only control your actions, not anyone else's.
If you need to take action on their behalf due to dementia, then take any action that is necessary. You don't need to explain it. Anyone with dementia who needs intervention is not going to understand it.
Stop taking this so seriously. This is typical mother-daughter, carer and caree stuff. It is unimportant. Stop hoping for agreement. You won't get it. But do know that it takes two to argue, and if you are one of them then you own 50% of the squabble. AND if you are arguing with dementia? That is REALLY poor decision making, because you know at the beginning just where it will go--nowhere fast.
Stop right-fighting with someone who you already know isn't dealing with a full deck.
Tip #1 Someone who is willing to listen, not take things personal and who truly wants to understand you and not be defensive or automatically assume you are trying to interfere with their life, is usually called a therapist … that you pay.
I agree with your parents that to live to an old age does mean that a person has navigated difficult situations before. That they know there are bumps in the road.
Tip #2 If you are saying that you are trying to tell the folks that their house is on fire and they need to run yet they refuse to hear your words then perhaps you should take this moment to escape yourself after calling for the proper authorities. you apparently are the wrong messenger.
Tip #3 There are many situations where we wish we could make a better decision. Sometimes because poor as it may be, it’s the winner of the ugly girl contest. There are no good solutions. None of us are getting out alive.
Tip#4 One conversation you may want to have is with yourself. Pick up the book Boundaries and decide what your position is regarding how involved you wish to be with your parents lives. Establish your boundaries and remember they are your boundaries, not theirs. Theirs appear to be in place. Boundaries are necessary for good communication.
Bonus Tip. On this forum boundaries are sometimes nudged as responders try to break through the “fog” new posters are sometimes trapped in. FOG - Fear, Obligation and Guilt. Look that up and see if it resonates.
Does the person you are speaking of have dementia? Because of course there is no "normal" in dementia, and that person is losing the ability to compute. Thing is that they will not recognize this, and you cannot convince them, because denial is part of it. YOU are the rational one. YOU are the one who is well. So YOU are the one called upon to understand. NOT THEM!
As to, if they are WELL, the argument that they didn't get to 83 by being dumb? That's true enough. I got to 83. But much of that is good genes and good luck, right? Not being smart. And the sad thing is that now SMART is going into reverse. Much like shifting a car. We are, in fact, PROVEN by brain studies of our white matter and our grey matter by MRI, proven now to be LOSING our smarts. So your beloved SMART elder is starting to have a brain that looks a bit like swiss cheese. And so do I. So you can let your loved one know that an OLD RN on AC just his or her age told you so!
Best of luck. Negotiating age gaps through life is just a part of it all. A DIFFICULT part!
Absent yourself from the premises. Refuse to engage. However, I fear that there is some reason that you must be involved with this person and would not want to give up on them entirely. What is it?
There's not enough context to understand what is going on... are you trying to have a conversation with someone who is in need of care and is in denial? Are you this person's caregiver or PoA?
The way you not get upset is to not be vested in any outcome. Stop talking to them about it. If it's about some care decision they need to make or legal step they need to take, then all you can do is inform them of what will happen if necessary actions aren't taken -- then you say, "Don't call me when it does." You cannot force a resistant adult to do anything. You need to accept the outcome of their poor choices.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
What situation are you describing that is so important for them to understand?
They are not listening to you, and you can't make them. Just stop talking. You can only control your actions, not anyone else's.
If you need to take action on their behalf due to dementia, then take any action that is necessary. You don't need to explain it. Anyone with dementia who needs intervention is not going to understand it.
Stop right-fighting with someone who you already know isn't dealing with a full deck.
Someone who is willing to listen, not take things personal and who truly wants to understand you and not be defensive or automatically assume you are trying to interfere with their life, is usually called a therapist … that you pay.
I agree with your parents that to live to an old age does mean that a person has navigated difficult situations before. That they know there are bumps in the road.
Tip #2
If you are saying that you are trying to tell the folks that their house is on fire and they need to run yet they refuse to hear your words then perhaps you should take this moment to escape yourself after calling for the proper authorities. you apparently are the wrong messenger.
Tip #3
There are many situations where we wish we could make a better decision. Sometimes because poor as it may be, it’s the winner of the ugly girl contest. There are no good solutions. None of us are getting out alive.
Tip#4
One conversation you may want to have is with yourself.
Pick up the book Boundaries and decide what your position is regarding how involved you wish to be with your parents lives. Establish your boundaries and remember they are your boundaries, not theirs. Theirs appear to be in place. Boundaries are necessary for good communication.
Bonus Tip.
On this forum boundaries are sometimes nudged as responders try to break through the “fog” new posters are sometimes trapped in.
FOG - Fear, Obligation and Guilt. Look that up and see if it resonates.
You're welcome 😊
Because of course there is no "normal" in dementia, and that person is losing the ability to compute. Thing is that they will not recognize this, and you cannot convince them, because denial is part of it. YOU are the rational one. YOU are the one who is well. So YOU are the one called upon to understand. NOT THEM!
As to, if they are WELL, the argument that they didn't get to 83 by being dumb? That's true enough. I got to 83. But much of that is good genes and good luck, right? Not being smart. And the sad thing is that now SMART is going into reverse. Much like shifting a car. We are, in fact, PROVEN by brain studies of our white matter and our grey matter by MRI, proven now to be LOSING our smarts. So your beloved SMART elder is starting to have a brain that looks a bit like swiss cheese. And so do I. So you can let your loved one know that an OLD RN on AC just his or her age told you so!
Best of luck. Negotiating age gaps through life is just a part of it all. A DIFFICULT part!
The way you not get upset is to not be vested in any outcome. Stop talking to them about it. If it's about some care decision they need to make or legal step they need to take, then all you can do is inform them of what will happen if necessary actions aren't taken -- then you say, "Don't call me when it does." You cannot force a resistant adult to do anything. You need to accept the outcome of their poor choices.