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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope you have a support system locally that can help you with appointments, and care for both of you if you need to recooperate. Some drugs do not cause nausea...hopefully your type of cancer allows you to take those.
I would tell him, even if you need to tell him repeatedly.
@lizzyo... I do hope you have a GREAT support system. You needed one before you need one even more now. I have said 2 of the most difficult things to go when you are or become a caregiver is 1. ASK for help 2. ACCEPT help Please do both. Tell your medical team what you are dealing with at home. Your stress and your mental health effect you, often more than you realize. If there are "in person" support groups in your area join one. It might take a meeting or 2, or you might have to find another to get the "right fit". It is sorta like shoes they all seem good at the start but if the fit isn't right you just are not comfortable. And if your husband can participate look for an Adult Day Program in your area. He will get a break, you will and you both need that. If your husband is a Veteran contact your local Veterans Assistance Commission and see if he qualifies for any help from the VA. (If you are a Veteran same advice goes for you)
I think I would simply tell him at what seems an appropriate time and tell him it is treatable ( no details) so you will need some help and you might not be feeling well for a while. He very well may not remember but then you can say I’m going to the doctor…to get treatment…it’s the treatment making me sick or just I’m sick, remember I told you about this. This way his brain can consume what it can handle and even if he doesn’t remember the details (which may be a blessing) something about you needing treatments might sound familiar at least eventually.
We often wait to tell my mom about bigger things until they happen or right before because she gets anxious and worries which causes all kinds of problems and being able to see and talk to us helps that a lot. Your choices are a bit trickier since you live with him if he also has a tendency to get anxious. But I also feel strongly that there is a fine line between treating a challenged loved one like the adult they know they are and a child you hide things from is a very delicate one and presented well their brains will help take care of them which is why I try to let Mom lead the conversation to where she needs to go, sometimes that changing the subject and then coming back around to the one I have in mind later after her brain has done some processing. Let him be your husband as much as he is able and give him some time to do that.
My thoughts and as much strength as I can give are with you.
the best way would be to tell him just like you would if he did not have his diagnosis. BUT be prepared that he may not recall why you are Goin to the doctor all the time You are tired You may have to go into the hospital I think now would be a great time to look for a Caregiver...for BOTH of you. You will need help yourself and you will need help with him. And getting someone in now he may be more willing to accept that the help is for you. Now once you tell him it is time to make appointment for both of you to talk to an Elder Care Attorney. Set up all your paperwork. Who will be POA for YOU for HIM? What will happen to him if something happens to you and you are unable to make decisions for yourself or for him? ("Special Needs Trust" for both of you maybe?) Much of this greatly depends on the type of cancer you have been diagnosed with the stage and the potential outcome. 🙏for both of you.
Just tell him, especially if you're going to need treatment like chemo or radiation, b/c he's going to need to know. Plans need to be made regarding leaving him with caregivers while you are at the doctor's office, if you are his primary caregiver, and things of that nature, not to mention long term plans for his care as well as yours. If DH forgets that you have this diagnosis, you may need to tell him repeatedly if the need arises. You give no details about what treatment you will require, if any..........but if you do not need treatment, then you don't have to mention anything to your husband. It all depends on the situation you have going on.
My condolences on your diagnosis, and I hope it's something that's easily treated and curable.
Wishing you the best of luck with all you have on your plate.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I would tell him, even if you need to tell him repeatedly.
Best wishes.
I do hope you have a GREAT support system. You needed one before you need one even more now.
I have said 2 of the most difficult things to go when you are or become a caregiver is
1. ASK for help
2. ACCEPT help
Please do both.
Tell your medical team what you are dealing with at home.
Your stress and your mental health effect you, often more than you realize.
If there are "in person" support groups in your area join one. It might take a meeting or 2, or you might have to find another to get the "right fit". It is sorta like shoes they all seem good at the start but if the fit isn't right you just are not comfortable.
And if your husband can participate look for an Adult Day Program in your area. He will get a break, you will and you both need that.
If your husband is a Veteran contact your local Veterans Assistance Commission and see if he qualifies for any help from the VA. (If you are a Veteran same advice goes for you)
We often wait to tell my mom about bigger things until they happen or right before because she gets anxious and worries which causes all kinds of problems and being able to see and talk to us helps that a lot. Your choices are a bit trickier since you live with him if he also has a tendency to get anxious. But I also feel strongly that there is a fine line between treating a challenged loved one like the adult they know they are and a child you hide things from is a very delicate one and presented well their brains will help take care of them which is why I try to let Mom lead the conversation to where she needs to go, sometimes that changing the subject and then coming back around to the one I have in mind later after her brain has done some processing. Let him be your husband as much as he is able and give him some time to do that.
My thoughts and as much strength as I can give are with you.
BUT be prepared that he may not recall why you are
Goin to the doctor all the time
You are tired
You may have to go into the hospital
I think now would be a great time to look for a Caregiver...for BOTH of you.
You will need help yourself and you will need help with him. And getting someone in now he may be more willing to accept that the help is for you.
Now once you tell him it is time to make appointment for both of you to talk to an Elder Care Attorney. Set up all your paperwork. Who will be POA for YOU for HIM? What will happen to him if something happens to you and you are unable to make decisions for yourself or for him? ("Special Needs Trust" for both of you maybe?)
Much of this greatly depends on the type of cancer you have been diagnosed with the stage and the potential outcome.
🙏for both of you.
My condolences on your diagnosis, and I hope it's something that's easily treated and curable.
Wishing you the best of luck with all you have on your plate.
What are your concerns about telling your husband? What has your doctor said about your cancer? Is it treatable?