Is vascular dementia always directly related to a stroke?

I know nikki its tough and as you say it hasnt even got bad yet? god help us!
I know how you feel as ive no money no job and hate this shitty town so am miserable all the time?
Lucky your kids are grown up and can take care of themselves but having no money on top of this is very stressful. I dont even have a car since last year and thats tough BUT i hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel as i am waiting for money to come through from a court case as i had a very bad accident and am suing them. Pray i get this sorted soon and get my life back on track.
If i were you i would try and get back working and maybe get your mum into a ALF we cant give up our lives like this its so depressing as ive said before i dont even know who i am anymore.
I went shopping with a friend yesterday and she just annoyed me so i snapped and went home. Seems everyone is pissing me off lately and i know its me as im not happy and seem to have nothing to look forward to week to week just even enough to go out every weekend and feel normal again?
I live in a small town and jobs are very scarce gosh if i could work i would this is not living i feel like i am just existing but 5yrs now is too much and if i continue like this i may kiss my life goodbye.
Do you have a husband or boyfriend even? Do you get out with friends? so important not to make her your whole life she will drain the life out of you.
Seems your mum is same as mine at the moment my advice get a job asap as she seems to be coping now then when she gets worse she will have to go to ALF and you will feel alot less stressed and more independent?
Do your kids help at all? so important to get support from anyone its the pits as much as we love them this is very hard on us. I know my mum would live longer in a NH but she wont go i can see us getting a court order she just wont do anything shes told to keep safe and well its sucking the life out of me.
Well all i have is hope that money will come soon and ill be off and try and get my life back again.
You need to set boundaries work out how much care your mum needs get her all she needs then walk away from her and do your own thing if she complains or tries the old emotional abuse crap just ignore her im telling you the more you back away the less shell bother you!
My mum gets up at 1pm i cook her lunch then im gone even for a walk or go to town for coffee i come back around 5pm then cook her dinner and am on this site when she watches what she wants. this is my "groundhog day" i spend as little time with her as her negativity just drains you.
She goes to bed around midnight so then i watch tv then go to bed and this is my life?? I do go to a friend 3 times a week for the night just to get away.
Basically im doing all i can to survive each day until things pick up!

oh, Kazaa, oh Kazaa.
Let me try to answer all this.... as far as kids helping. Not much. Can't really blame them. Son is 17, it's an "online" world in his world... he's even attending an alternative school because he screwed around Freshmen and Sophomore year in HS.... only NOW is he "getting it" that he needs a damn diploma. He is definitely an "indoor kid" I mean you wouldn't know he was here. He can take Grandma in very small doses... if she needs bags carried from the car to the house across the street he always helps... he'll pet her little dog, hug her, and come home.
My daughter is 13. Her life is her friends and horses. Grandma will let her and her friends swim in the pool she has in her enclosed screened in area (yeah like we need the pool my mother has never put a toe in) but only upon conditions of things like "help" and crazy stuff. It's not direct either. It's like the ESSENCE of "if she hugs me and gives me time I will allow her and her friend to swim"... she never outright says it, but she's not one of the grandmas who bakes cookies with you or really enjoys time with you if you're a kid. I know this because while she was a good mother, she never played with me. And she was a stay at home mom. Always cooking or something.
So no the kids are no help and frankly I don't want to make them.
I have a long-term boyfriend. He works long hours. He tells me his problems so it's not like I can really get an ear to tell him mine because when I do he wants to find a solution for me of course, so he says, get her in ALF. But here's the thing. Mom told me if I were to even suggest it BEFORE she can no longer walk (I guess she feels if she can't walk anymore she would accept an ALF) if I were to do it before then? She told me she would sell the house and move 5 hours away to live near her twin sister in the same condo. Talk about the blind leading the blind. Please. I have to do my mom's checkbook and bills. I have to count her pills, for crissakes. I cook every night for her and bring it to her like the galloping gourmet. i entertain her because I drive. GRANTED she DID buy me the car, so I don't mind that so much but sometimes I can't get my own crap done, you know? She's always "waiting" for me and I HATE THAT I FEEL... Angry and then guilty for feeling angry!!! Today her hairdresser called me. We are friends, she and I. Well, we USED to be friends. Apparently mom (who goes weekly) told Gina she didn't have any money with her; where could it have went, did she leave it home, yada yada.... Gina calls me. Says just come in and pay for her. I parked to do that and mom walks out, "I found my money. It was in my purse." Well no kidding. I knew. I took her to grab $300 cash 2 days ago from the bank.
There is NO WAY she could live 5 hours away. Her twin, Lucy, is worse than she is. She has an in-home cook and caregiver for 2 hours a day that family pays for. They pay themselves out of pocket because Lucy has them in the will. What a mess.
Anyhow, mom isn't incompetent, and if she decides to "sell the house and move" I don't know what I will be able to do. I know it's crazy as she relies on me a lot, but she told me until she's in a wheelchair or can't walk, she wants to stay in HER HOUSE. ok then. Like everyone else says I guess we have to wait for an accident.
I am frustrated, tired, guilty, loving her, hating me sometimes.
I just know I am worried about money and no, she told me if I get a job, she WILL move.
I can't allow that. I really can't. She will sink mentally I know it.
Right now she is ok.... seriously I am going to have to wait for her to fall and break something before I can get her into ALF... unless her memory declines more...

oh and time out with friends? yeah... no. Time with bf is about all I get which is okay with me... I have no money to go out and frankly I'm exhausted anyway. I work from home and balance that along with taking care of the house and mom. I am SO tired of not being able to live comfortably. I pay heavy bills to be here across the street from her. I told her the other day hey can you chip in a little for grocery here? She's like "Whhhaaattt???" I said mom I feed you a home cooked meal like 6 nights out of 7. She says to me, well I'm only one person! In otherwords, no.... I don't know. I'm tired, I need a vacation (but I don't think I could come back to any of this) and I'm sick of struggling financially and emotionally. I am literally the LYNCHPIN of this entire family! If I left or died the whole thing would fall apart in pieces.

Nikki sounds like your mum is blackmailing you with her threats and looks like she is winning. I would not FEED her until she pays for groceries we would all like to spend money on our parents when they older thats fine if we can afford it but youre struggling so demand money from her or she buys her own food?

PS nikki i am here sucking the life out of an E-CIG!!!!! got one yesterday so far so good just hope i dont stay on it too long but i had to take something im not superwoman!