For those that caretake from a distance or support siblings from afar, what are some of the things you do?
I'm burned out on my mom and have been for a long time. My sister knows this, but basically tells me she doesn't know what I want her to do. I think she wants to help, even though she has her own issues with our narc mother and has been pretty hands off since this whole thing started a few years ago.
My mom is too "competent" to be forced into professional care right now, so that's not something I need help with, yet. I don't even know what kind of help to ask for from a long distance sibling.
My sister is willing and able to take my mom for a week so I can get a break, but it's always hit or miss, infrequent and my mom has to agree, which she often won't.
Any advice on this?
Having her take mom for a time would be a great thing but if mom has a problem with not being at home it might be easier for your sister to come for a visit and you get out. You can book a get away or even swap houses with your sister for a few days. Or if you are caring for mom but have your own home, own life just going home and not having to deal with things for 3 or 4 days is a big help.
Or simple as it sounds the simple act of making dinner every night when you are a caregiver is exhausting. Order meals, have groceries or a meal delivered. Just make sure they know that a delivery is coming. (hate to have a bag of groceries sitting by the front door all day.
Hiring a cleaning service 1 time a month or even as a 1 time deal would be appreciated. (maybe)
And hiring a caregiver 1 day a week or more would help you out a lot. You might have to ease into it with mom but she will get used to it. (have them start while you are still there all day and just do little things then you "have to run to the store for an hour" or go for a walk. It will get mom used to someone new.
This is something that she may have to get used to anyway as she declines and you need more help. You will not be able to leave her alone and there will have to be someone there 24/7
Or can sis come to your place and you actually do leave? If mom won't agree to leave, then....
$ is always a nice help too. Unless mom can afford to hire a cleaning person, a helper of some sort, then sis could help with that.
And then, maybe you can plan for a week away to your sister’s still (you won’t have to pay for care that week), and when it will be hit and miss you won’t be nearly so burnt out and desperate for them to happen.