I am 67 and my husband is 6 years older. we have no kids. My husband has heart failure related to being a combat Vet in Viet Nam. We left our home and my job about 9 years ago to help care for my mom and dad in another state. They were living in their own home. They moved there in 1997 to be closer to my sister/her husband and my parents' two grandson. My parents both began to experience major health issues over 10 years ago. My brother-in-law is very self-centered and was constantly complaining that I wasn't helping out enough, so my husband and I moved to the state where they all lived. I was very close to both of my parents. My father died about 6 years ago and my mom remained at her home with my sister and I helping her out with shopping, chores, etc. My two grown nephews did very little for her before or after my dad died. In the spring of this year, my youngest nephew murdered my sister by stabbing her to death in the backyard of the home in which she, her husband and he lived. My mother, who now had mild dementia and was 94, was so traumatized she said she could no longer go back home. We gladly brought her to live with us. My mom had a small amount of money in stocks of which my sister and I were named beneficiaries. My sister listed her two sons as her beneficiaries. But, my sister preceded my mom in death. My b-in-law started nosing into my mom's money and trying to tell me what to do with it, when etc. My mom wanted me to be the sole beneficiary as she is old fashioned and I never asked nor suggested she do this. My brother in law and oldest nephew have caused so many problems for us...nasty people. Called Adult Protective Services on us( but we were caring for my mom very well), stalked me and took pictures of me when I was at a casino with my own money on a Sat. a.m., accused me of lying, etc. etc. etc. None of this was true. Additionally, they all bullied together insisting they wanted to see my mom and we were told by her doctor and nurses to keep her away from outsiders due to Covid. My brother in law threated to call my employer if I didn't get those kids my mom's money(mom isn't even deceased ) and then wrote me a 3 page letter calling me a bitch and just attacking every area of my life. It was abusive. He was also abusive to my sister but she kept going back. Brother in law has turned my sister's family against me. So, why should I have to give my youngest nephew any of my mom's money when she dies since he murdered my sister and my mother was not the one who made him a secondary beneficiary, before she was murdered. I am so sick of this family and I do not have any contact with them because they are such abusive people. My mom does not have much money and we are saving it in case she needs to go to assisted living. They don't see to give a .... about my mom. Only call once in a blue moon and she ever said that if she didn't see them she "wouldn't die" because she hardly ever saw them before my sister was killed. What do I do about this money stuff? I want to be fair but I have been threatened, bullied, by b-in-law and his flying monkeys and it seems all they care about is my mom's money. She has very little and they think she has a lot, I think because she had more years ago but sister and b-in-law lived above their means and were always "borrowing" money from my mom who is almost poverty level, sometimes paying it back and sometimes not. We never did that. This is such a mess. Comments?
I think you would do well to consult (with your mother) and elder care attorney who can advise on mom's current will and how to best protect mom and you from this avaricious and abusive family.
MJ, all the wills I've seen prepared by attorneys for whom I worked specifically stated that any and all prior wills were rendered null and void when the new will was prepared. So that addresses anything that might have been done, even if someone can't locate the will.
MACinCT, could you elaborate on this? I'm confused. Beneficiaries are named in a Will, and that dictates who gets what. Or were you thinking of who might automatically be a beneficiary just by virtue of relationship?
"Benefieierys did not count in the will distribution, in fact the court insisted that those could not be changed for distribution."
Justice, have you considered requesting a restraining order against the family men who are harassing you, and your mother (whether they are or not, the protection would be desirable). If I were you, I'd document everything they said and did, with times, dates, copies of any texts, e-mails, etc. You could use it as support for getting a TRO, or requesting a longer lasting restraining order.
Your story is quite sad, yet frightening. It must be hell trying to cope with such harassment from such nasty men. I'll probably get criticized for this suggestion, but have you considered taking a Judo or other self protection class, or even learning to shoot a weapon, just for self defense?
And do you have good alarms at the house?
Ask your mother now how she would like her assets disbursed when she passes away. Have her wishes written up into a will and leave it at that. It would be nice to see your mother leave one crisp dollar bill to each of these 'men' in your family, and the rest of what would be their 'fair share' to an animal shelter.
My condolences over the loss of your sister, and for having such a terrible lot of people in your family.
If she is, that is the course I would take; she should seek legal advice about properly disinheriting the BIL and grandchildren if that is her intent. Simply leaving them out of the will won't do it and leaves it open to being disputed.
If mom has dementia, you can be almost certain that she will need NH care at the end of her life and there will be no money left to inherit.
Is she paying you for caregiving or for room and board? You might consider having her set up a caregiving contract with you.
I also agree with BarbBrooklyn. If would be the time for a new will. There are a lot of bone headed people that think if someone has money in the Stock Market it must be at least six figures, but that isn't always the case!! I would setup a caregiving contract. Just make sure everything is done "by the book." You can bet that your BIL will want to go through everything with a fine tooth comb, whether he has a right to or not.
You also need to get a "Personal Protection Order" on your BIL and nephew. The letter should do it and tell them that "you are afraid for your life."
I am sorry that you have to go through this and that you lost your sister.
Hugs!!!
I would lose all contact with these people. Set up a PO Box so your address is not out there. Change ur phone numbers. Set ur phone so only calls from your contact list will ring thru. They will go to VM but you can then block the call or delete.
You need to protect yourself. Since Mom now has Dementia you may not be able to change her Will. You should be able to get a copy from the lawyer who drew it up. If Mom understands what is going on, you maybe able to have her do a new Will overriding the one in place now. Same with beneficiaries. She maybe able to change them. Nothing is written in stone.
Your Mom is alive. No one is entitled to her money. Seems BIL has gotten his share over the years. I don't know where people get the idea that grands need to inherit. My daughters will inherit. If they want their children to have anything, then they can leave it to them. For now, if one of my girls die, the other inherits. I may change that eventually but that is how it is now.
I think you may want to consult with a lawyer. I also hope you have POA.
A new will supercedes any previous wills, and it isn't a bad idea to use that statement in the new will. She should also mention those relatives she is specifically excluding, like the murdering nephew and the brother-in-law. Get it notarized, too.
An attorney can write a good, ironclad will for not much money.
I can’t imagine how awful that must have been for you and your family.
I am glad that you have moved far away and your sister’s murderer is in jail.
I think speaking to an attorney is money well spent.
Your mom deserves to have her money distributed according to her wishes.
If your sister’s family has listened to a bully, they are no longer worth any concern from you. Be brave, and ignore the hollow insults since YOU are in the right.
The restraining order, if it gives you peace, confidence, and comfort, is an excellent idea.
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