I have posted here before some may know my history
my father lives in filth and feces and refuses help
his phone was off the hook for 1 1/2 days my husband went to check on him
he was laying in bed covered with feces etc.
he got up and went downstairs husb tried to talk to him but he said he knows what to do
I wanted to call 911 but he refused and was argumentative and mean, I know if the ambulance went over there he would fight tooth and nail
because it was so unsanitary I called for a wellness check and they said he is coherent and can walk with his walker and his doors aren't blocked there is nothing they can do
I have already called social services adult protective services and talked to 2 of his social services people in the hospital
bottom line as long as he makes sense when talking and has paths to his door and can walk (police said the walker)
There is nothing anyone can do
Husband tried to tell him he is upsetting me but he said I get too emotional
I want my absent sister to know what is going on idk
oh my this is too much
i am going to quite now
thanks
You're not his POA, your sister is. You've called APS and the local police and it's out of your hands now.
If I were you, I'd leave him to it. Don't even visit him anymore.
He has no POA
I am not visiting him anymore you are right, haven't seen him in 2 months, not talking any more either, I am worried tho what will happen when he passes
You have done what you could, and this isn't the first time you have attempted an intervention. It is clear now that you have no power here.
Your continuing to intervene here really is self-harming now for you. I am so sorry that this is so ongoing and that you still feel you must intervene here when you have no power to change anything, because you are creating a miserable time in your one and only life. You Dad already had his life, and he doesn't want you help. Your continuing to intercede for him will not make him happy. Your continuing to intercede here will not make YOU happy.
You have my utmost sympathy here, but not everything can be fixed and it's abundantly clear at this point that this is one of those things that cannot.
As to your sis, a simple note to her will suffice to inform here: Try this. "Hi, Sis. I went to see Dad and found that he, his room, his bed, was covered in feces. I was fearful for his health and called EMS and APS but they have told me they cannot intervene. I wanted to let you know I am stepping away unless he calls me, but wanted you to know what I found". Enclose any photos of "the mess" you might have taken.
At that point you will have done all you can.
My best out to you. It has been a while since we heard from you. I hope you are getting out in your OWN life and having good times, because I fear this won't change.
I am a huge proponent of you CAN'T change others action but you CAN change your reaction.
Please talk to a therapist since nothing that has ever been suggested to you on this forum has been seen by you as a solution.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/father-already-fell-twice-what-do-we-do-next-494238.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/managing-the-relationship-with-my-unhelpful-sister-494221.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/going-no-contact-494220.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/well-he-is-in-the-hospital-494082.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/i-have-posted-before-but-494066.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/i-am-distancing-but-it-feels-weird-494038.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/venting-493579.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/should-i-be-donewalk-away-493513.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/father-i-want-to-go-no-contact-492963.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/last-straw-i-hope-they-respected-his-request-494499.htm
why would you take the time to collect all of these urls and post them?
I am tired of crying please stop
I won't be back here :(
As for your sister, I don't know if you should contact her. That will only make problems for you, and you've had enough. If I were in this situation, I'd perhaps send sister a written note rather than talk to her in person or by phone, which only would give her an opening to blame you for who knows what. I really think you'd be better off to leave her out of this completely. I'm so sorry you're having this problem.
It's true I will not contact her, I was thinking the same thing, opening another box of chaos
ty