My grandfather had a stroke a couple of years ago and currently lives with my grandma. He is declining quickly. He no longer showers and recently is wetting himself. When anyone tries to offer help he is physically and verbally abusive. What should I do?
and then purchase water resistance pads for his easy chair(small) and his bed(large)
but maybe you are already doing those things?
Resistance to care is common with dementia, if that's what he has. Sometimes, measures have to be taken to protect the patient and their family members if they are abusive.
But, the most important thing that I would consider is whether grandmother will call 911 if he is abusive. Regardless, of what's wrong with him, if he harms her, it will be bad for the both of them. If she's not willing or able to protect herself by getting him help, I'd consult with an attorney about stepping in with court action to get control or I'd report it to social services.
How do you get him to go? Tell him that you heard from Medicare and he has to go to his doctor or they will stop his insurance. That’s not true, of course, but he may believe it.
Grandpa is probably from the era when the wife took care of the husband, no matter what. “In sickness and in health” and all that. My husband subscribes to the same theory, but luckily he is not abusive.
Grandma needs help. Medicare or Medicaid will pay for a certain amount of hours weekly for someone to come in to help her. Or, the doctor may suggest Grandpa needs to go to a nursing home. If you have family support, Grandma will need all of them to get involved. It’s not easy.