My 87 year old grandma that is suffering with dementia moved in with us about 5 months ago. It hasn't been bad for the most part...she has good days and bad days but, this past weekend she went completely crazy. She ran out of the house with a safety pin and a pair of fingernail clippers stating I was going to hurt her (I'm the only one who consistently is patient with her outbursts) and that I'm hiding her money upstairs (we live in a single-story home--no attic). I didn't try to argue with her because I've learned that they're beyond the point of reasoning. I chased her down in the rain and begged her to come back inside and eventually had to call 911 to have an ambulance take her to the hospital. She ended up having a UTI and is much better now--even embarrassed about how she acted--but, my gracious, I'm so nervous with her staying with us now. I haven't been able to get a good night's rest since. She was diagnosed about a year or so ago with mild dementia but, it was always forgetting to eat, take her medicine or forgetting what day of the week it was. She is still able to bathe, feed, and toilet herself. She even likes to go get our mail and walk around the yard. We have never had a problem with her. She would have paranoia about her money after the move into our place but, it never made her run away. My husband and I are both working full time and we really try so hard to take good care of her. We are both in our mid-20s and I'm pregnant with my second child and my first is 2.5 years old. I really don't want to put her in a nursing home but, I don't know if I'm doing her justice by keeping her home. I'm always on top of her medicine and doctors appointments but, with work and going on 2 young children...I don't know what the right option is. I would appreciate any and all advice from experienced Alzheimer's/dementia caregivers. Or anyone with experience with putting a loved one in assisted living/nursing home.
I agree that bells and whistles are far less important than the basics of good care.
You love your grandmother. Unfortunately, it is necessary to prepare for the worst because dementia only gets worse. This is a difficult and emotionally draining process. Take care of yourself and your pregnancy because nothing good will happen if you burn yourself out.
grandma in a nursing home. Your heart will tell you that. You have to realize that grandma is not doing anything to hurt you, its the disease taking over her mind.
you need to take into consideration the new baby and its needs, the toddlers needs, work, husband, his feelings, etc.
maybe there is other family members who can chip in and help to make it easier for you and your family.
you have a lot of thinking to do and decisions to make. the only thing I would tell you is DONT feel guilty if your decision is to put grandma into a nursing home. you took grandma in, you took care of her as best you could, and most important you love grandma and she knows that deep inside. you have nothing to feel bad about what ever decision you make.
I wish you the best with your growing family and grandma....
I seems as if her craziness was due to an infection, not full blown dementia.
My uncles wife was completely bedridden due to a muscular disorder and the caregivers took all the stress off of him.
He simply attended to her emotional needs.
Some patients thrive in a nursing home, others go downhill. It all depends on the individual.
You are young and have a family to raise and apparently a great love for our grandmother. It maybe best if you can find a wonderful Assistant Living place where she will have 24 hour care where her medication is administered, meals prepared for her and activities where she is interacting with others her age. You could go an visit with your kids and enjoy your time with her and she can spend sometime with your family and you have a peace of mind.
If possible call social services and see about having a Social worker assess your grandmother and also assist with finding the right type of place for your grandmother. It will take some of the pressure off of you and allow you to rest knowing she is well cared for.
Good Luck.
You are my daughter’s age.
We just moved my Mom to a care home after having her with us for one year, preceded by 6 years of caring for her in her own home.
During the past year, my daughter (a full-time college student) gave up her social life, many nights of sleep, and one of her part time jobs to help me care for Mom. My husband became our cook and took over care duties when no one else was available. I can’t begin to tell you how much it affected my health and job security. We ensured 24-hour care for her. And, spent thousands of dollars on in-home care just so we could go to work.
Based on our experience, and of others I’ve met along the way, I would tell you this -
First - love yourself, your children and your husband. Place these things first in your life. They should take priority over any care giving responsibilities you accept.
You are a kind, loving granddaughter (like my own daughter). No one else can take your place in that. Allow others - professionals - to “care” for your grandmother. They are trained and equipped.
Next, invest your time and energy now to find the best and affordable long term care placement for your grandmother.
Dementia is a degenerative disease. There are no cures. Your love will not be enough as the disease, inevitably, progresses.
Lastly, make your Grandmother’s move to a care home or assisted living a high priority. Transitioning to a new home is difficult for elders with dementia. The sooner your Grandmother can move, the sooner she will adjust to the change and learn to be happy there.
Wishing you all the best.
1. UTIs are just about the #1 cause with elderly. It's amazing that this infection which as maturing adults, we took for granted that the Dr gives us a drug for that and it goes away for years/years, now becomes something that will never go away and it affects them mentally.
2. Talk with her Dr. With my Mother, her Dr told her she only had 5 marbles left in her head and if she had 1 more issue happen HE will place her in a nursing home. She threatened to call the police and he told her to because he has the legal right and that he would have them take her when they get there
3. Mom had her last chance about 3 weeks later. Ended up in the hospital WITH A BAD UTI, so my husband and I did not have the choice other than find a place that I WOULD BE COMFORTABLE
4. You need to have her examined, the Dr tells you no more
5. Have a professional help you look for a suitable place....you'll be comfortable with
6. Buy yourself a quart of your favorite ice cream, watch the Notebook and cry, cry, cry
7. Then prepare yourself for everything that you'll be forced to do should you have to go Court to become her Appointed Guardianship/conservator
I wish you peace, luck and the ability to not feel guilty. There is nothing to feel guilty about.