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Start planning now. Tour homes that have memory care services. Depending on how many are in your area, you can visit one or two a day and get a good idea of whether or not they make your short list. Go alone or with a friend, who will remain objective and see things from another perspective. Talk to the residents, if possible. Once you have your short list, take your grandmother for a tour.

I agree that bells and whistles are far less important than the basics of good care.

You love your grandmother. Unfortunately, it is necessary to prepare for the worst because dementia only gets worse. This is a difficult and emotionally draining process. Take care of yourself and your pregnancy because nothing good will happen if you burn yourself out.
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You have your hands full. To be honest it doesn't get any better with time. No one can tell you if and when its time to put your
grandma in a nursing home. Your heart will tell you that. You have to realize that grandma is not doing anything to hurt you, its the disease taking over her mind.
you need to take into consideration the new baby and its needs, the toddlers needs, work, husband, his feelings, etc.
maybe there is other family members who can chip in and help to make it easier for you and your family.
you have a lot of thinking to do and decisions to make. the only thing I would tell you is DONT feel guilty if your decision is to put grandma into a nursing home. you took grandma in, you took care of her as best you could, and most important you love grandma and she knows that deep inside. you have nothing to feel bad about what ever decision you make.
I wish you the best with your growing family and grandma....
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Can you use your grandmother's money for round the clock caregivers?

I seems as if her craziness was due to an infection, not full blown dementia.

My uncles wife was completely bedridden due to a muscular disorder and the caregivers took all the stress off of him.

He simply attended to her emotional needs.

Some patients thrive in a nursing home, others go downhill. It all depends on the individual.
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Since an UTI was responsible for this bizarre behavior, let the medicine runs its course and see if things return to normal. But, keep in mind, that you may have to place her in a facility at some point. If her dementia worsens dramatically, you won’t have much choice. Stay strong and confident that you are in control of the situation, no matter what decision you end of making or when you make it. Hugs.
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You are a great grand daughter, my daughter took her grandmother in. The dementia got worse and the stress started to effect my daughter's health and the morale of everyone in the house. My mother started being a liability, it wasn't safe leaving her home alone, her attitude became very combative. My daughter told her earlier that she wouldn't put her in a nursing home, which she didn't. I had a talk with my daughter and let her know that it would be best if her grandmother went to assistant living. So we found a great place near by and my daughter goes to visit with her once a week.

You are young and have a family to raise and apparently a great love for our grandmother. It maybe best if you can find a wonderful Assistant Living place where she will have 24 hour care where her medication is administered, meals prepared for her and activities where she is interacting with others her age. You could go an visit with your kids and enjoy your time with her and she can spend sometime with your family and you have a peace of mind.

If possible call social services and see about having a Social worker assess your grandmother and also assist with finding the right type of place for your grandmother. It will take some of the pressure off of you and allow you to rest knowing she is well cared for.

Good Luck.
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Julezz gave an option of Adult Daycare for the day. A lot of good responses to help your decision making. I put my wife into adult Daycare while she was still in the early to middle stage of her Dementia. I made arrangements that they needed volunteers to help with adults and the Day care went along with this. She was good for about 1.5 years but then regressed to Memory Care for 19 months before she passed. I also had home health care come in for 4 hours a week to watch. Decisions-Decisons are sometimes hard to say when is it right. You will know but your young family needs to come first. I visited my wife everyday in Memory care where they have activities for them and social interaction. Good luck in your decision.
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Dear Spaulding,

You are my daughter’s age.

We just moved my Mom to a care home after having her with us for one year, preceded by 6 years of caring for her in her own home. 

During the past year, my daughter (a full-time college student) gave up her social life, many nights of sleep, and one of her part time jobs to help me care for Mom.  My husband became our cook and took over care duties when no one else was available.  I can’t begin to tell you how much it affected my health and job security. We ensured 24-hour care for her. And, spent thousands of dollars on in-home care just so we could go to work.

Based on our experience, and of others I’ve met along the way, I would tell you this -

First - love yourself, your children and your husband.  Place these things first in your life.  They should take priority over any care giving responsibilities you accept.

You are a kind, loving granddaughter (like my own daughter).  No one else can take your place in that.  Allow others - professionals - to “care” for your grandmother.  They are trained and equipped.

Next, invest your time and energy now to find the best and affordable long term care placement for your grandmother. 

Dementia is a degenerative disease. There are no cures. Your love will not be enough as the disease, inevitably, progresses.

Lastly, make your Grandmother’s move to a care home or assisted living a high priority. Transitioning to a new home is difficult for elders with dementia. The sooner your Grandmother can move, the sooner she will adjust to the change and learn to be happy there.

Wishing you all the best.
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Wow, I have people all around me telling me what an amazing job we are doing with our grandmother who is 92. She has only very minimal signs of dementia. So reading through your post, I can not imagine how you are feeling. My daughter works in a facility that deals with dementia patients and there are so many things that you may not be expecting or ready for. I would say that once you are to the point that this is affecting your ability to care for your own family (the little ones) or you feel that her safety is in jeopardy, then it is time. Once you are to this point, I would look at different assisted living/nursing homes and make your best decision. Good luck and may God bless you in the days ahead!
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Spaulding18,
1. UTIs are just about the #1 cause with elderly. It's amazing that this infection which as maturing adults, we took for granted that the Dr gives us a drug for that and it goes away for years/years, now becomes something that will never go away and it affects them mentally.
2. Talk with her Dr. With my Mother, her Dr told her she only had 5 marbles left in her head and if she had 1 more issue happen HE will place her in a nursing home. She threatened to call the police and he told her to because he has the legal right and that he would have them take her when they get there
3. Mom had her last chance about 3 weeks later. Ended up in the hospital WITH A BAD UTI, so my husband and I did not have the choice other than find a place that I WOULD BE COMFORTABLE
4. You need to have her examined, the Dr tells you no more
5. Have a professional help you look for a suitable place....you'll be comfortable with
6. Buy yourself a quart of your favorite ice cream, watch the Notebook and cry, cry, cry
7. Then prepare yourself for everything that you'll be forced to do should you have to go Court to become her Appointed Guardianship/conservator
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I am not dealing with this particular issue, however, just have to say what a wonderful, caring, patient person you are. I don’t know if I could be with all that you have going on. You didn’t ask, but I am going to say that I think it is too much for a young growing family to deal with these challenges as they will only increase with time. Congrats on the baby and best wishes
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Please heed the advice you've been given. It is not safe to have your grandmother around small (infant) children...what if she wants the baby to stop crying? Her mind is broken and will get worse. She is no longer responsible for her actions and a placement should be found for her. Love yourself and your family first! And do what is in the best interests of all and don't let guilt tell you what to do....some accidents cannot be recovered from. My blessings to you! Lindaz.
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Prayers coming for you and your family.
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There are many wonderful AL facilities with Memory Care Units that would be safer for your grandmother now as she ages and is not in full control of her mental capacities. She would also be happier, even if you don't think so now. And, remember, Spaulding 18,....things will never get better with dementia. You have more than your grandmother to consider in this equation. And protecting your little ones is paramount.
I wish you peace, luck and the ability to not feel guilty. There is nothing to feel guilty about.
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No way is it safe, physically or emotionally, to raise your babies with someone who is suffering from dementia.  And keep in mind that you are only able to postpone the inevitable,  not fix the disease.  Start your research into options before a life/death emergency descends on you.
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