I'm sending my father to hospice care tomorrow and I don't know if it's the grief or doubt that's making me question my decision. My elderly father has Parkinson's for over 20 years and dementia onset in the last year or so. He always had a very strong will to live but his quality of life went severely downhill a year ago. Pain medication stopped working for him and he was in severe pain most of the time. 10 days ago he was admitted into the ER for urosepsis and has been here ever since. While the infection has cleared, it left him severly weakened to the point where doctors say he will never physically recover or move again. He is awake for brief periods of the day but cannot do anything beyond opening his eyes and is only able to respond to noise and pain. The choices available were to have a feeding tube installed which could prolong his life for months or years, or to send him to hospice and await death. My father has a DNR order but I don't think he ever factored in being kept alive by a tube. I don't want him to be stuck in a broken body kept alive by a tube but I also hate making that choice for him. What if by some small unlikely chance he wanted to keep fighting? The doctors can't even say how much awareness he has left - if he even knows who or where he is. I chose to send him to hospice care and I'm overwhelmed by guilt at the thought that I'm letting him starve to death. Logically, I know that isn't what hospice care is but seeing him physically wasting away every day just destroys me.
But perhaps what defines a difficult decision is that it is one without clear correct choices.
In the OP's case, I privately feel that the doctors' suggesting a feeding tube was deeply unhelpful. It would probably make it possible to prolong the gentleman's life significantly. But my - again, private and personal - view is that in his state of health, and in the light of his having previously signed a DNR which indicates that heroic measures were not something he was prepared to undergo, if there is one thing that is definitely NOT the right option for him, it's a feeding tube.
It would be comforting for the OP, perhaps, if her father is still able to swallow without aspirating, to remember that hospice will not prevent her offering her father treats. If he is hungry and able to eat, no one will force her to starve him.
No to the feeding tube. It really is just a money maker for the doctor and hospital, plus many may not know, but it can be a way to contact sepsis. You (and he) will know when it is time to say goodbye.
God bless and comfort you during this very difficult time in your life.
I think the guilt would really be overwhelming if you didn't involve hospice, as he would continue to deteriorate.
Comfort yourself and know that you are doing the best thing you can by bringing hospice into the situation so that he can pass without further distress.
And take whatever time you can to relax and prepare to be available for him during his last days.
They will manage his pain.
For both of my parents, the doctors recommended Hospice to which I learned as much as I could about this time in a person's life, what happens to the body and the organs, etc. I didn't want my parents to be in terrible pain, so I was thankful Hospice was there.
Hope you can make a decision that you are comfortable with. And even then you will be second guessing yourself, which is quite normal for us to do.