So a while back I wrote about my mom who has 100k or so in the bank, all her rent/food/utilities paid via ss and pension. She told me she wanted me to send her money each month to help her. I did so for awhile when I thought she had 10k in the bank, not 100k. She kept this amount hidden from me, as did my brother who controls her finances.
So I told her I would not send her money because she didn't need it. She is 80 now and has enough to meet her needs and more.
She called me hateful for making this decision. I didn't make it out of hate, though. I just told her to spend her money and stop not spending it.
So, she cut me out of her life and will over this.
I don't have alot of money.
Why do I write this to you strangers? I don't know. She has never loved me I think. I cannot remember a time where I felt her real love and pride for me. All I can remember for decades is a woman who disapproved of me. I remember a woman who has made me want to commit suicide more than once. A woman who verbally abuses me and gaslights me. Who goes to other family members and gets their pity due to bad bad bad bad me.
I finally feel like I can heal now. Money be damned.
My question is this: Why is my mom so mean? She loves my siblings, but complains about them to. She says I am the truthful one. But she treats me badly. Why does a parent chose one child to hate?
He may have been manipulating and telling lies to get her to write you off. I would call APS about needing an investigation into her finances. This kind of crime is rampant, but recently there have been crackdowns and the penalties are harsh.
If I were in your situation, I would be thinking long and hard about attending her funeral. Some might say it would be taking the high road, but it would be at your emotional expense; you can't put a dollar amount on that.
You did the kind and nice thing by helping her when you thought there was a need; I guess you can say that no good deed goes unpunished. We've probably all experienced this, but it doesn't change the fact that you are a good, caring, and loving person. No one, not even your own mother or brother can take that away from you. You're the kind of person that I would like to have as a friend, and I'm sure many others would say the same! Please, Hold your head high and keep being you!
WTH?
I mulled this over (she had been INSISTING that I read her will and I was able to put it off for years). She WANTED me to see this.
It isn't legal and actually it's just mean. I asked my son (he's an attorney) what it meant and he said it was called a "posthumous FU". Tacky as all get out and NOT legal, but meant to hurt.
I have not brought this up with her and I won't. Not worth it.
I don't think we will ever know why someone doesn't like or love us. For some reason maybe ur Mom didn't bond with you. You were the baby that kept her up all night. You could rack your brain and never get an answer. But what u can do, is go on from here. Say good, nothing keeping you from doing what you want and going where you want. I would move away and start new. When the call comes, you need to help with Mom, say sorry she lost that privilage when she chose to write me out of her Will. I took that as I was no longer her daughter. So, I moved on.
I have been in your shoes where favoritism to siblings has been shown. It’s difficult, especially as a child and it does carry over into our adult lives as well. We can survive and heal, one step at the time.
I read an interesting biography awhile back. It helps to hear other’s perspective. I relate to certain people in certain situations and am drawn to their writing.
This particular writer explained how we can suffer tremendously as a child, and into adulthood and go on to live a happy and healthy life. He took time out for himself to find out who he was, not who others felt that he was. He discovered that he could learn to see himself based on his own opinion rather than those who hurt him throughout his life.
He discovered that he was grateful for all the hurt and misery in his life because he would not be who he was without those experiences.
Life didn’t make a positive turn for him until his 30’s. When the turn occurred though, it was a complete turn around. It took time. It didn’t happen overnight but the transformation was amazing. He became a steamroller! He said that he would have never been nearly as motivated as he was had he not experienced the pain that he went through. Interesting, right?
I believe his story rings true for many people. After disappointing experiences and trauma in our lives we experience hurt, pain, confusion, anger, anxiety, depression and yes, sometimes suicidal thoughts as well. It doesn’t have to end there. We can learn to start anew. It can be through friends, others that we meet, therapists, support groups, our faith, books we read, etc.
Don’t give up. Others are pulling for you. You are not alone. There are beautiful hearts in this world. When we are at our lowest sometimes that is when we find out who really cares and who can’t be bothered.
We can choose to walk away from toxic relationships, including money that is being used to manipulate you. That my friend, is so liberating to do. That is priceless!
I wish you the very best life has to offer. I wish you peace and joy.
It's also nothing personal. It may have to do with her reminding you of someone she hates, or is jealous of. Or where you are in the birth order. Or who you father is, or isn't.
The human psyche is very complex and not easily teased apart.
Have you ever been in therapy? The real question isnt why your mother hates you. The real question is "what are the tools I need to move forward in life?".
Your mother sounds like a very insecure person who equates money and love. On some level, to her, you prove your love (and your worth) by giving her money. She thinks she wields control over you by denying you her money. You take back that power when you tell her that you don't care for her money.