Yesterday was a really bad day for my mom slept most of the day when it came time for dinner could hardly get up tried to go to the bathroom sat on the toliet forgotton to lift her robe and nightgown up sat down couldnt eat just stared into space shes been battling dementia for abut two years and each day just gets worse its getting harder to watch the decline the woman I knew is gone and I have to ask why is this still going on shes 97 and has had a great life so why does she and everyone else have to keep going on like this things are only going to get worse each day .
I pray we will have hospice with us when the time comes. I was holding my Mother's hand when she died, although she was in the hospital after a liver bypass surgery that failed. It was peaceful, too, though. She simply was admiring flowers on my windowsil and took one last breath and told me how pretty they were and her hand went limp. It's ironic, but we were closer then than we had been all through my life.
Please don't leave this group now. You have a wealth of experience to offer many of us still as we wonder what is still in store for us.
We couldn't possibly have come through this so calmly and with such dignity without the help of the hospice team. They completely respected our wishes to have a quiet passing at home, if possible, but remained available by phone when I had questions throughout the night.
My prayers go out to everyone who are still on this difficult journey, and hope you also will be blessed, as we were. Thanks you everyone for your helpful words and support throughout.
Thinking of you...
Much as I appreciate my siblings attempts to help - they seem to suggest the reason my mother won't eat might just be because I'm not much of a cook. You should see the refrigerator tonight. Mountains of food, and they keep bringing in MORE. By the time my brother leaves on Tuesday, I'll be buried in leftovers. It's funny, we've never been much of a culinary family, but it seems like food is all anyone talks about around here anymore. If it wasn't so heartbreaking it would be funny to seem my sister with tears in her eyes trying to coax my mother to eat just one forkful of bow-tie pasta. According to my mother, my sister was a relentlessly picky eater, so in a way it's payback time. :(
The hospice people were sure my own mother had only a few days remaining, but she seems to be rallying for the second time. Still not eating, but is taking in liquids and is often quite alert. She's always been determined to do things on her own schedule, and I think she's quietly amused to have foiled everyone's expectations again. :)
Take care and enjoy the peace of mind that you deserve!
The next hurdle is the funeral and listening to people 's comments who really didn't help out much. I'll try to let it all roll off like water off of a duck's back.
Even though mom had dementia for 8 yrs, we still had a lot of good times, partied with the neighbors, went out for rides. Sure it was difficult, to give up some of life's pleasures, but now I can move on with peace in my heart.
I don't know you all well, but thanks for listening! :)
Sskape2, I understand what you're saying. Although I'm extremely grateful to the hospice people and all they've done and continue to do, I feel like my mother would like to do things her own way right up until her last moments. She spent the night shuttling between the hospital bed and her recliner chair a few feet away, at considerable difficulty. I'm pretty sure the hospice team would have her on much larger doses of anti-anxiety and pain medications. And want her to stay put! But I'll honor my mother's choices until it's out of my hands. Which might be very soon, since my siblings tend to take over once they arrive and they think I'm in denial, and that the hospice crisis team should be called.
Yesterday, before my sister arrived, my mother woke up from a long nap and was barely able to speak but she took my hand and mouthed the words "thank you". Whatever anyone else says, I know she's been grateful for the quiet and the freedom to move about as she pleases. And to take or not take which medications she chooses. That may all end today, but I'm also pretty sure she's also thankful for the chance to see the rest of the family again — especially after so many years of strife between them all.
This is not to say that putting off calling for help is the right thing for everyone. In my mother's case, she has no illnesses. It's just that, after a long lifetime, her heart is coming to a stop. Not to say that what the hospice team does isn't wonderful. They've been an amazing help, and we're fortunate to have them on call when the time comes.
I think it is so wrong for a helath care professional to make a prognosis like that, where do they get off playing god. I feel angry. my mom is suffering more than necessary in her last days. Now I do hope she passes quickly, to put an end to the suffering.( she has had dementia for 8 or so years)