Thoughts...

I have gone back and read post I have made and have been made to me over the past year or so.. I am an injured child but not an injured adult that I am working on. My mom is delusional I have learned that no matter how hard you try to tell them differently they will stand by what they think they have seen and heard so changing the subject is the best solution but if that doesn't work head nodding is the next best approach. Mean people do not get sweet in their last days, no one really has major personality changes even in the face of death. Learn from them what not to do and except as you age. My mother is a very bitter and sometimes lonely woman she has alienated everyone by her on choice. You need to be mindful of the people in your life that want to be there and look at their goodness not nit pick anything that you find unpleasant. Caregivers whether they are paid to do it or just do it because God has ordained it to be so or even they just want to have a hard job..One comment made to me was it is only one hour of your day...well, I can say that some of those hours have been spent well . but some are horrible. My mom is not happy in the nursing home, but I make sure she is very well taken care of. She is surrounded by caring people. We live in a very rural area so most are from here and I know them outside of work also. Do your very best and when it is not good enough do your best to not beat yourself up. I made the decision to not have my mom in my home. It would have been to hard for me to give her the care she deserved and I truly believe that it would have turned the home I have made with my husband and my grandchildren who visit regularly become a part of the dysfunction I was raised in I have worked and still work hard to prevent that. I have great admiration for those of you who do make that decision I cannot imagine how difficult it is to not even get a reprieve. I do get the physical reprieve and I try very hard to get away from the mental but my mom stays in my head a lot......Being an only child is tough in some ways but when I read about siblings fighting I at least do not have that. My husband's mother lives next door to us she will be 90 in March and he is her only child also so we have two parents to tend to. My MIL is great physically, but her mind is not so good. She is very pleasant to be around. My husband is her caregiver as I am my mothers.
This site has been a God send even though I am not as active as some when I have a bad day or when illness hits my mom this is the second place I go..I "try" to let my first choice be God, but sometimes I just need a face to look at and it becomes the nurses and aides at the nursing home. This is a hard road that we are on....I always say that the ones that their parents have already passed know the end of the story not knowing how bad it will get to me is the hardest. When they have called me to the nursing home at night it is scary to me not knowing what I am going to see or how it is going to go.
Anyway, I just thought for once I would just post my thoughts and not a whiny post or a scared post or a hurt post.
Love and peace to all who read this and know that you are not alone isn't that awesome ????