Hi all, have been reading these boards for a while now. They've helped me to not feel alone as a caregiver. I found Dad passed away on his bed last Tuesday am. I thought he was just taking his cat nap as he always did. But, when I checked on him & his position didn't change in an hour, I went in, tapped his arm asking him to wake up. Nothing. I called for my adult son who just came home, he took one look at him & said yep, he's gone.
I was in shock, still am. Just spoke to him the day & night before. He wished me a happy Mother's day 2 days earlier.
He had CHF, COPD for years. Was on Hospice 9 years! Mom passed away in 2014, then we moved him in with our family. He's been with us 6 years, off of Hospice 2 years & had new friends at the Senior center.
It's been a rollercoaster of stress, emotions. Good times & a lot of bad.
But, he went peacefully in his sleep. the way he wanted. For that I'm grateful. My husband & I need to clear his stuff out his room, clean & paint it. Then we can turn it into a guest room.
I don't know where to start. I see his things everywhere & see "him".
We've crammed all of my parents house into ours & we've been bursting at the seams for 6 years. It's time. I know. But, its hard.💔❤
This is fresh and raw, you do not need to do anything with Dad's things until you are ready. It is hard.
There is no right way to grieve and there is not correct time line for cleaning out Dad's things. Some like my Mum, needed something to do after my step dad died. Cleaning out his clothes gave her something to do and she had completed the task within a month. My Dad still has not let go of some of his mother's things and she died almost 40 years ago. Now Dad is extreme and is a hoarder, but you get the idea.
I am not sure if you have siblings, but you do have children. Ask each of them if there is something of Grandpa's that they would like as a memento. You may be surprised at what they choose. Then in small steps, launder his clothes and instead of putting them back in his dresser and closet, bag or box them up. Here Thrift shops are closed, but shelters are open, ask if they will accept the donation.
Me, I would have to buy a new bed. If Dad's bed is clean, I am sure someone would love to receive it.
The idea is to slowly remove Dad's things from his room as you retain your memories of the good times and create a new space in your home for guests.
With the other furniture items that are taking up room in your house, again ask your kids, siblings and grandkids if there is something they want. To make it fair, put names in a hat and people can choose one item when their name is drawn. This is assuming they are not bequeathed to a specific person in the Will.
Death is even more challenging during Covid as all our death rituals are disrupted.
Hugs to you!
His room became a storage of sorts while we readied our home for sale, just couldn't continue to live there with all the reminders of 13 years of Caregiving, too depressing for me, it was time to move on, downsize and prepare ourselves for our own Senior years, having learned that lesson 2 times over with downsizing our own parents.
I hope you take your time, grieve and try to remember all of the good times, it's the only thing that helped me through it. Take care!
friendship.
I miss my father every day of my life, but over time I’ve learned to actually look for him in times of joy or trouble and believe it or not, when I need him I’m always quite sure he’s there.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. The next few months and years will be hard. Grief goes at its own pace. But it'll get better.
I still "talk" to my Dad, 3 years after his passing.
My brother isn't getting anything. He couldn't even call us back when we tried to notify him. Never came to the funeral & found out he wasn't even going to tell his 20 yr old daughter that her Grandpa passed away!
He's my only sibling. We were never close! Dad stopped talking to him 2 years ago after he threatened me & my family.
My husband & sons will go through his things together.
Dad did just give my youngest son a gold bracelet of his for his college graduation last week. ❤
I think "seeing" someone everywhere is part of the bonds we form over the years. I still experience that with my family, going as far back in deaths as over 20 years. It can be troubling, so I have to encourage myself to shift to the happier times and memories.
Give yourself plenty of time before tackling any projects.
May God grant you grieving mercies and comfort during this difficult time.
Your dad was very blessed to have you and your family to take him in and care for him in his last years.
Remember that this has been going on for years, be kind to yourself and take the time you need to get through this season of your life.
Great big warm hug!