sparkles87 Posted September 2017
How do I discretely inform my parent's doctors that they are having memory issues?
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I would never want to embarrass them or take away their dignity. Any ideas? Thank you in advance for your help and experience.
Sparkles
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-Docs are almost impossible to get hold of. Too busy for meeting, wont return calls.
-No do they seem to understand the need for confidentiality and protecting the caregiver from parents anger.
I FINALLY got my dads doc to return my call. I expressed my concerns about dads failing memory and was quite clear, DO NOT TELL DAD I SPOKE WITH YOU!
Week later, dad goes in for checkup, doc says, Your Son called. He's worried about your memory.
Was a big mess for a couple days. Dad thought I was trying to declare him insane and get his money. Luckily, he forgot all about it in about 3 days.
Moral of story, be ever so clear with the docs: KEEP THIS PRIVATE!
I've also found that although docs understand alz, dementia etc. they don't have a clue as to how to handle it in person. They will take to me about dad like he is not there or attempt to talk to dad and elicit information about his memory, health etc. Dad will tell anybody that he's just fine, eats right, memory is perfect and so on.
The obvious solution is for the doc to meet privately with the caregiver AFTER examining the elder patient.
And this is helpful information from the Alzheimer's Association: "Medicare now covers care planning services for people recently diagnosed with cognitive impairment, including Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias.
Care planning allows individuals and their caregivers to learn about medical and nonmedical treatments, clinical trials and services available in the community, and
additional information and support that can contribute to a higher quality of life.
Under this new coverage, physicians, physician assistants, nurse practitioners, clinical
nurse specialists and certified nurse midwives can provide detailed care planning that
includes:
• Evaluating cognition and function.
• Measuring neuropsychiatric symptoms.
• Medication reconciliation.
• Evaluating safety (including driving ability).
• Identifying caregivers and caregiver needs.
• Identifying and assessing care directives.
• Planning for palliative care needs.
• Referrals to community services for both the beneficiary and his or her
caregiver.
Experts note that care planning for individuals with dementia is an ongoing process
and that a formal update to a care plan should occur at least once per year."
You are in for a long haul. The patient will be upset because it is upsetting to know that your memory is going. Let the doctors do their job and be supportive of your loved one as they go through this process.
Try to video any unusual behavior of your parent that you could show his doc on your IPhone. It's so difficult in the beginning stages to preserve their dignity.
Same experiences here. Just irks me that is the case when others are present.
Have decided that I am not a parrot, have stopped trying to repeat or make him understand what I said. He corrects me, wanting me to use the words he would have used. With more practice, maybe just not answering him at all will help. What does it matter, anyway, most of the time? He does not listen anyway.
Finding that if I say nothing at all, he can argue semantics and misinformation all by himself. Like this morning....I say the keys are hanging on the hook. He says Oh, and goes to find them. No they're not...he says, they are not here. Oh, here they are, no, that is not them, he says. Then, he does not share he has them, as I sit here, watching it all play itself out....only calm I can get this way is to disengage from the conversation.
But I still love him, and he still can take me on an upset ride if I let my guard down.
I am not a 24 hr. professional, but a person, a wife too.
Emailed my SIL and referred to hubby by his father's name then corrected. SIL replied I am married to FIL as well!!!!!!
However, it is more likely that our husbands are brothers, same behaviors, same genes?
What do you think might happen if you did not tell the doctors anything?
Do you think that the doctors might discover that on their own?
Or maybe not.....