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Bearable you are a wonderful daughter and nurse. Don't be so hard on yourself. your Dad is comfortable and peaceful and his physical needs are bring met. You are 71 think of how you would like to be treated on your day off. Wouldn't it be nice if there was someone waiting on you.providing meals and then just leaving you alone to rest and sleep or do whatever with no responsibilities
The only thing I would add is if you or dad has any religious connections maybe have some one from his faith come in and give him the opportunity to feel the closeness of the Lord. Love goes a very long way and your love is something that helps him end his life so peacefully. Keep talking to him, just tell him your thoughts and what has happened during your day at work. Hugs and Blessings to you
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My dad is 94 and has lived with me for 2 years now. I am single, 71 and still working as a nurse at a hospital. I have had to cut down on my hours due to feeling exhausted from working, one way or another, 24/7. My exhaustion is mostly due to my nursely inclination of taking care of others first and neglecting my own needs. I feel guilty letting my dad sleep, but I have decided that I can't entertain him all the time. I make sure he has all the physical care he needs, teeth, eyes, heart, and I am always gentle with him and give him hugs, but I can't really take care of his psychological-emotional needs. This is a reflection of my own childhood where I didn't really have that either. So, just being gentle, respectful and giving hugs is all I can muster. So, regarding the sleeping thing, I have been "letting" him sleep on the days I am off work and am exhausted. He seems to really like it. I suppose it is the dementia, but I like to think he is meditating, sifting through his life, reconciling everything, I also think that on some level he knows I am exhausted, and he is sparing me. I love him immensely, and even though he doesn't always remember me, I remember him.
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That's similar to the idea we had: it's a quilting stand.
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LadeeC can you clamp an embroidery hoop to a table so she could do something like tapestry. Thread plenty of needles in advance and she could sew away for the 20 minute attention span till it's time for another nap
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Boredom .. yep, it's a real issue. We work like heck to find ways to at least make her laugh a bunch of times during the day. She's a little difficult to find things to keep her mind occupied: she doesn't like to read or play games/cards, doesn't do crosswords or any of those kinds of puzzles. We're concocting an idea for her to do some kind of sewing projects, because she used to love it and is always offering to help with mending .. and what do we do about being one-handed? She does love going thrift store shopping, but tires in about 20 minutes, then 20 minutes later forgets that she went. Seriously, a challenge.
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Oh, and a new development - she falls asleep sitting on the toilet. I have to call out to her or go check on her to be sure she's ok, which she takes as an invasion of her privacy. (sigh)
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My mom has slept at odd hours for years now, and the doctors find no real reason for it, other than the fact that she is very obese, which causes severe joint pain, for which she takes prescription pain meds, which make her sleepy. She also has sleep apnea, which disrupts her sleep (please don't suggest a CPAP, she won't use one or any other device to help). She has had a sleep study done, but didn't stay asleep long enough to do a proper study - because that's how she sleeps - never more than 2 hours at a time. Her day is: up in the a.m. to take her pills and go to the bathroom, I make her breakfast and she lays back down. Back up in an hour or so to watch tv for a couple of hours, then back down again for an hour - or maybe 10-20 minutes - I never know which it will be. Back up for lunch, bathroom and back down again for maybe 2 hours. Back up for dinner and to watch tv for about 4 hours, then back down, because she's about to fall out of her chair asleep. During the night, she's up 3-4 times. Same routine, just without the eating. (Though she insists on me making meals and fetching things for her during the day, I've noticed things missing in the kitchen after her overnight raids on the fridge. So it IS possible for her to do things herself, she just chooses not to and I'm tired of fighting the battle, so I do it myself during the day.)

At this point, I've accepted the fact that she is comfortable with this weird sleeping schedule of hers, and refuses to do anything to correct it - so I just deal with it. I have tried to convince her to have another sleep study done or to pursue the issue with other doctors, but she won't do it.
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My 90 year-old mother, who had a massive stroke, sleeps most of the day, and night, as well. She said - "what else do I have to do?". And I guess I have to agree with her.
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My Mum is 83 and at the moment has a chest infection, the Doctor has given her a puffer (as we call it) but she just can't seem to get it down to her lungs no matter what we try. She say's she only feels comfy in bed. Hate going into check just incase she has passed. Otherwise she is in good form. Any tricks with the puffer would be appricated.
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I think that this is a very good site to talk a little about elders. One we learn from each other and pass it down to our kids so that way they know what to do when it's our turn. I am 55 yrs old and certified nurse. I take care of an elder and she's going on 95. she use to go out with me a lot and eat out and have fun window shopping. but now all she does is fall asleep and her words are slurring.
I feel that she is tired cause she put a lot of work in her health and is time to feel relax and be pamper she deserve all the attention she can get. she had a healthy life and she took care of others and now she is being taking care of for all the good deed she did. I love her so dearly.
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My grandmother was in a nursing home, had vascular dementia, and was not sleeping at night. One night she got out into the parking garage, fell and then found. This ended up in a complete review of her medications. They then discovered that some meds given during the day should be given at night to help her sleep better.
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ReverseRoles- we didn't talk yet but check out the Abso product at McAuleyMedical- looks like a decent way for repositioning. About 3 foot square- five layers of material to keep moisture from skin and from the mattress. Might have more suggestions but need to know what abilities your mother still has, weight, etc.
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ReverseRoles- it has been a long time since we connected. I probably can make suggestions but need some info. I don't see a way to leave you a message on your profile so I have to go this route. I know you can get to me from my profile- would be glad to talk.
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When it's not being a royal pain to use, the hoyer is a godsend, isn't it? I thank the heavens that we're not at the point that we MUST use it.

One of the things we use is a 'adjustable & variable pressure air mattress' (got it from Amazon for under $80) for the bed. The thing is a godsend. Edna sleeps FLAT on her back for the night and pretty much sits in her recliner for the rest of the day, so the pressure at her coccyx area is almost constant. During the day, we can, and do, reposition her .. even slight changes of position change the pressure points .. but it wasn't enough. With the air mattress, you can change the firmness and the pump very slowly fills and unfills the chambered waffle pattern so that she never has the same pressure points for more than a few minutes. For us, that means we can actually sleep at night, without having to roll or change her position every two hours. We're on contiguous 24 hour shifts (4 days for me, 3 for my roomie), so we HAD to come up with a solution or go mostly sleepless during our 'shift'.

Since she's also incontinent, we've also come up with our own little 'butt butter' that we use to protect the skin: 3 parts petroleum jelly (could use A&D ointment), 1/2 part diaper cream (with the highest zinc oxide content we can find) and 1/2 part perineal-safe lotion (like baby lotion). I also save the soft, cloth-like wrappers that the incontinence pads are wrapped in, cut them in half, and use it as a bandage/barrier between buttocks and underwear, so that the cream isn't absorbed by the material. Her butt looks like a 2 year olds. Works like a charm for us.

These aren't really solutions to help with the actual turning process, but more like preventives from NEEDING to turn so often. Hope this helps!
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Please tell me, still need help Friendly Bed Guy, what can I afford to bring into my home to reposition Mom? Have a hoyer already, the turn2 or lavin legs didnt work, its a nightmare.Thx
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Thinking back to the last 2 years my father was at home (he had a bad infection at 93 that ended up with him in SNF) maybe he had the right idea. He slept at least 18 hours a day but moved from bed to liftchair to dinner table, etc, etc. Enough variety of movement and he used my Friendly Bed prototype for repositioning/exercise, and to escape bedsores. Everyone felt sleeping that much was bad but his body demanded it and every extra day at home was a blessing.
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Laddee C Your 2 cents is always worth millions!!
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On the one hand, your brother is right that prolonged sleeping and lack of activity can cause muscles to atrophy .. and remember that the heart and lungs are muscles. On the other, this is also the process of dying.

As hard as it is to accept, your father is clearly telling you that he's going, sooner rather than later. Please don't make dad feel guilty for it. Find your own peace with it, and make the last days (which, btw, could be YEARS still) filled with love and caring. If you still want to increase his activity, turn everything you do with him into a kind of game, with veiled purposes. Examples .. If he's still ambulatory, serve dinner at the table and get him to walk to it; if he's chair/bed bound get him to push and pull more and more to reach for things he wants/needs. Use your imagination. My charge, Edna, can't really stand or walk by herself, so needs our assistance: when she's rising or sitting from one place to the other, I reach around to hold her as she begins moving and when she's half way up (or down), I'll say, oops .. hang on a sec, I need a better grip, getting her to use her own muscles to rise and sit. I'll offer her my hand to help, and let HER do most of the lifting/pulling. You get the idea.

Otherwise, make him as comfortable as possible. Follow HIS lead.

Just my 2-cents worth.
LadeeC
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My father is 84 going to be 85 in April. He had a stroke about 5 years ago. He is currently living with me with a care taker from 9-4. My brother who lives out of town comes home once a month to help me care for dad. My dad likes to sleep. He used to get up at about 11am but lately, actually close to a year now, he does not want to get up. If no one forces him, he can sleep till 3-4pm or longer. Even when we force him to get up , he will doze off in the recliner. He lost interest in doing anything including changing and showering. He did not want to take medication, and has no appetite. I had an argument with my brother yesterday because we have different opinion how to care for our father. My brother does not like dad to sleep too much that could lead to aches ad pains that my dad often has. My brother wants my dad to do exercise and stay awake as much as possible. If dad stays in bed most of the time, he will only turns weaker. The end result would be he could easily fall an break his bones. The care taker could not meet my brother's standard. My brother is about to fire the care taker. I don't know what to do. I agree with my brother but it is just difficult to make dad understands our intention is for his own good. Should I just let him sleep until he gets up on his own or force him to do things that we want him to do?
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Ally you are a smart lady.
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My father was in a nursing home from August 2013 until his death last month. I commented to my daughter (an R.N.) about how much he was sleeping and she said that was normal as he was dying, and that he would continue to sleep more and more. He was 91 when he passed away, and she was right. He continued to sleep more until the very end.

I actually believe that was a blessing as opposed to laying in a bed staring at the ceiling.
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My Dad is 81 and has late stage alzheimers. He naps a lot, he loves to be sitting up and napping but he is also happy to go to bed in the middle of the day for a nap too. We find that he is much clearer when he gets plenty of sleep and nap times. If he is forced to stay awake i.e. some misguided nurses - he becomes disorientated and stressed and the longer that goes on the harder it is for him to go to sleep. We find quite often that although he looks like he is asleep, he is still listening and he will pipe up if he finds something amusing. So don't feel bad if she wants to be quiet. I sometimes think that it is easier for dad to think when he has his eyes closed, he can dwell on whatever memory he is enjoying at the moment. Why shouldn't he be able to have some peace and quiet to do that.
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Nadia,
Can you make this a new question so we can help you decide what to do,
The original question we are discussing is about elders sleeping all the time. So if you can start over as a new question and give us more details about why your mother is in a nursing home, what is wrong with her and why you think she is unhappy. how many people in the family will help or if you can afford caregivers. one person can not do this alone
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That is very normal, Pete sleeps all the time. He eats breakfast and then goes to sleep. Then lunch sleep, and Dinner sleep. But when I go home I think he stays up at nigth. Thats what the girls say at the assist living place where he lives. But he sleeps sitting up in the chair or in bed. It does not matter where he is. But the funny thing is most eldery do that, so she is fine.
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you can see it in her she is not happy
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we are heartbroken we want to take our mother from the nursing home but do not know what to do could we cope ect? please help she is 86
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At one level I agree with Alss. Too many people ship off a loved one as soon as they hear the diagnosis of dementia. My mom is almost 91 and has Alzheimer's. I have been caring for her and my disabled brother for 4 years. It certainly isn't easy. It's what I not only need to do, but what I WANT to do.

I understand people have families, jobs and can't stay home to look after their loved ones. But, nursing homes cost a lot of money. IMO, that money could be better spent having somebody in during the day to care for him/her. Of course, not everyone can be placed in that same box. There are exceptions. But, I think we need to make it easier for home care. There aren't enough nursing homes and the ones available are under employed and over worked.

Mom sleeps almost all day. She'll be up long enough to eat, then doze off once again. My brother hates seeing her sleep and gives her a nudge if he's sitting beside her. I keep telling him not to wake her. If she wants to sleep, let her sleep. She's beyond the point of being interested in things, doesn't understand or follow anything on TV and her once favourite hobbies of reading, crocheting and baking have long gone by the wayside. She can't follow even the simplest of instructions.

I've had people ask me why I haven't put her in a nursing home. When I look at Mom, once a vibrant woman, who at 80 would climb a ladder to the roof to clean out the eavestroughs, all I see is a weak, wounded bird who needs my love, help and understanding.

IMO, putting her in a nursing home is only passing on the problem. As long as I am able, she'll be home where she belongs. She deserves better than to be shoved off onto people she doesn't know.
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Hi, my Mom passed away, it was a year July 15, 2012. My reverent prayer was to keep my Mama at home where she wanted to be, and God gave me the strength to do so. Over the course of the previous year Mama slept most of the time, she watched TV a lot(Hallmark), but she would engage everyone in conversation when awake, and she only had pain medication at night for her knees. She to was completely bedridden and income was low enough for her to be in a Nursing home, but I couldn't bear to see her in there, so it was more me than Mama. I was 68 years old, but in Good health, having worked in a nursing home in my 20's gave me a lot of experience working with the elderly, but like I said I needed and wanted to take care of my Mother, but the sleeping is normal. God Bless you in all your efforts!
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My mom has dementia and is sleeping more too.. Sometimes she sleeps over 8 hours. I let Mom sleep. She watches her TV and then dozes off. What else do they have to do? Sleep eat and watch TV.. I cant afford a home for Mom so as hard as it may be at times, Mom will stay with me.. Mom is bedridden. I do the best I can for her and that is good enough :)
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is it sleeping or boredom cuz she cant [or feels like she cant] do anything? or maybe pain like toothache she is hiding?... heres my tip:... sing-a-long type songs... the song of music.... oklahoma...hymns or a song she will be able to hum along or even sing to... mason university did a study that indicates the ppl that belted out the show tunes in the sing-a-longs had the most increase in brain activity long after the sing-a-long was over.. even sinatra or perry como stuff if that was what your dementia patient likes to listen to
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