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Dad has end stage chf. It’s getting worse now. He’s feeling more tired and his shortness of breath is getting more severe. Took him to hospital and they sent him home to hospice (his ef is 10%).. three years ago he was in hospice (ef was 10-15%).. but he got better and they discharged him after a year. It’s getting to a point where he’s taking morphine to feel relief..he didn’t have to 3 years ago. .. I know morpihine doesn’t hasten death, but when it resorted to that it’s never good. I feel useless not being able to do anything except offering drugs. All I can do is push medicine to him. I used to take care of all his medical problems and now I just can’t do anything except drugging him up and waiting til his heart gives out.

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You are doing more than drugging him. You are providing love and support to your Dad. He has reached the stage where that is what he needs most. The morphine will keep him comfortable.
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Dear "Nikki850,"

I'm sorry you're feeling so sad and helpless. It's not easy watching a loved one decline when they are in the end stage of their illness. You've been taking care of your dad as best as you can for years.

Your right, morphine doesn't hasten death as many believe but, please know that he needs it to prevent needless pain and suffering. My dad had it given to him when he was on hospice towards the end of his Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer. I'm glad he had it because I didn't want him to have any pain - that would have been harder for me to watch than to have him sleeping/resting peacefully. He was always comfortable from that point on.

You'll need to let things take their course naturally no matter how hard it is to accept that his body is giving out. Just be there for him - their hearing is the last to go so you could read, sing, play his favorite music. Those were the types of things I did in spite of the fact that he reached the point of being in a deep sleep.
God knows what's going on - He is ultimately in control - just turn the reins over to Him and enjoy your dad for as long as he has left.

I will be praying for God to comfort you and bring you some peace as you go through each day. Take care of yourself in the meantime and your dad as well. Sending you a hug -
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It is frustrating when we feel helpless, but take comfort in the fact that pain relief is huge. That’s not a small thing. At some point recovery may not be possible. Can you talk with the hospice social worker or chaplain? They may be able to give you some support.
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Morphine is not just given for pain at end of life, but it also is effective in helping with the feeling of shortness of breath, which it sounds like your dad really needs right now, so just know that what you are doing now in his journey is making sure that he is comfortable and when the time comes, he can go in peace, and you can rest in the knowledge that you did everything possible for your dad.
He's lucky to have you, and I pray for God's peace and comfort to be with you in the days to come.
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"Sunnygirl1,"

Very good point about talking with the hospice social worker or chaplain. Like you said they should be giving her the support she needs - they are supposed to be in contact with the family periodically or if someone needs their help before their scheduled time, she can reach out to them.

With my dad, we had the chaplain come and now with my mom the social worker as well as the chaplain contacts me frequently to see if I have any issues I'd like to discuss. If it weren't for the pandemic, the chaplain would be visiting.
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I’m so sorry you’re walking this path, but also know your dad is blessed that you’re there with him. I did this a few months back with my sweet dad after so long with end stage CHF. He was so very tired and ready for it to end. The morphine eased his shortness of breath and gave him comfort. In the last days we also used Ativan and Haldol to ensure his peace. I talked to him and held his hand. In the end, though it’s one of the hardest things ever, I felt privileged to have helped him. Sometimes all we have to offer is helping with comfort and making sure last wishes are met. I wish you both peace
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I’m in a very similar situation. My mom is end stage CHF and has been on Hospice in home care since March. It’s a grueling roller coaster of a ride, from my experience. The morphine will help, don’t be afraid to give it to your dad. Always here if you want to trade caregiving stories...I have a lot of waiting around time on my hands these days. Stay strong and be sure to get some rest if you can.
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