Help! My mom has been taken advantage of by someone. He talked her out of her savings, sold 2 homes to her way above the value.

Is she married to this man?

How is your mother's decision making in other areas? Does anyone in the family have POA? You may need to talk to an Elder Law Attorney, and get some legal advice. If your Mom cannot make good decision, or her judgement is slipping, talk to her Primary Care Physician, and see about a Neurological evaluation. Someone in the family may need to get Guardianship and Conservatorship (through the Probate Court) to protect her and her assets. Unless she's married to this man...then it's out of your hands. If you suspect fraudulent activity, and can prove it, you may want to talk to the local police, for investigation, or to file a complaint. Widows can be so vulnerable, and this is not unusual. Good idea to check things out on your Mom's behalf.

Mom has a spring POA. It has to have 2 medical Drs. to fight this thing. I will check into the elder law attorney idea. Thanks!

You and your mother's doctors are in a difficult situation. If in fact she is well enough to handle her own financial affairs right now and revokes the POA or you resign your appointment, then your mother no longer has a valid POA, springing or otherwise. If she relapses and you need to take control of her financial affairs in the future, you will need to place her under a court ordered conservatorship which can be quite costly.

Check the spring POA to see if there is a clause that allows her to regain control of her affairs after she recovers without revoking it, but allows you to serve as her agent upon a relapse.

In the meantime, I strongly recommend you report the events you describe to any local authorities who will listen--including your county Department for Aging. This applies even if your mom is married to the person you claim is taking advantage of her. If you register these complaints now, you may be able to make a claim for Elder Abuse later. What you have described sounds very much like a premeditated scam at best and a case of elder abuse at worse. Best guidance is do for your mom what you would want done for you if you found yourself in her situation. Like I have said before in this Community: Sometimes Love must be as cold and hard as steele. This could be one of those times.

I'm sure some (if not many) of you have been through this. My mother, who will be 80 in May, recently had a minor stroke followed by a heart attack and stent placement. I have moved into her home to care for her. My two brother's and I are on the same page as far as her care, finances, will, etc. However, I have a nephew who at 33, has never held a job is unemployed and is living rent and bill free in a rental property of my mother's. He has lied and manipulated her to get into this place and plays on her sympathies to get additional money. Anyway, we need to sell this property but Mom refuses to hear of it. She also recently befriended a homeless couple (she was volunteering at a soup kitchen) allowed them into her home either for them to do paid work around the house, or to take showers, etc. They wound up stealing the family silver which they then pawned. My Mother seems sharp and has her wits about her on most subjects, but her heart of gold is causing money that my brothers and I are afraid she may need in the future to pour out to people with selfish motives. Any advice?

My father is 78 and has recently started dating a women who is 59. After about 2 months she has basically moved in with me. She has a key to the house and sleeps there every night. She works as a teacher so she is not around in the day time she said her school is closer to his house then hers so therefore she needs to stay at his house. Its been 4 1/2 months now and she has changed all her doctors to near my fathers house and she is now a new member of a church by my fathers house. When we call my father on the phone he puts us on speaker and she sits on the phone for every conversation we have. When I recently visited him I could not have a single conversation with my father. She will not let him leave her site. When I ask my father questions she answers for him. The family expressed our concern about their relationship and my father said to our surprise that we are just jealous. I really worried that she may be manipulating him. We don't want him to push us away and we don't know what to do.

I meant to write she has moved in with him not me.

Dear concerned, you should be very concerned. This sounds exactly like what I went through with my Father. My Dad lost his home, and much of what he worked all his life for. I didn't see all this because I lived out of state. I learned about all this, and Dementia, after most of the damage had already been done. Fortunately I was able to put a stop to it, and make sure Dad couldn't be hurt anymore by her. I was my Father's only child left, so he had a Living Will created years before. I was finally able to have the woman arrested for Elder Financial Abuse, only to have the DA release her, because he said there wasn't enough evidence. There was a mountain of evidence. Even the Department of Insurance in his state was involved and put the warrant out for her arrest. The DA was just too lazy, and they didn't want to spend the extra time or money to pursue the case in criminal court. This is how our justice system works. You are on your own. It doesn't cost that much to file for Guardianship/Conservatorship, if you do it yourself. I know this, I have done it myself without a lawyer. I did however waste $1,000 on other things I had the Attorney do that I could have done myself, at a minimal cost. Do you have a Power of Attorney, or does your Father have a Living Will in place? You must find a way to get her out of his house, because she will take everything he has. I know this by my own Father's experience, long story. There is not much you can do without a Power of Attorney. Does your father have dementia? Seniors who can be manipulated like this usually have some dementia, and do not realize what is happening to them. The very first thing that needs to happen, if it can, is that if he does have dementia, he must be declared by a Doctor (in letter form) to be incompetent. Try talking to your own family doctor if you have to. Then you can file for Guardianship/Conservatorship, then you could file a restraining order against her, and have her removed from your Father's home. But before that happens I think you have to file a report of Elder Abuse with Social Services, and a complaint to your local Police Department as well. And make sure the Police take it seriously (another long story of my own). You may want to consult with an Elder Law Attorney to see what can be done in your particular situation though. Also educate yourself, go online and learn as much as you can about Dementia/Alzheimers and Elder Abuse/Financial Abuse. If only I had been educated about Dementia/Alzheimer's sooner, Dad and I would have never had to go through what we did. I feel for all of those going through this same situation, it is a nightmare. The laws need to be changed somehow to protect our seniors. I have heard and read a lot of jibberish about organizations who claim they are advocates and out to protect seniors from Financial Abuse, even some lawyers. They get money for that, and their books they write about. I got a referral from a friend who worked for a huge law firm for a lawyer who claimed to be an advocate for seniors, did a write-up on the internet and everything. Pshhh, I spoke with him on the phone. He didn't even want to hear my story at all, unless I was going to give him $500.00/hr. And then he told me that the courts would just turn it around on me, and ask where was I when all this was happening to Dad. Not saying all attorney's are this way, but if there is one out there that would take the case on a contingent, I would love to meet him or her, and have just the case for them worth a lot of money. The money means nothing to me, they could have every penny of it, as long as this person was behind bars, so she could never hurt another senior again. But no, they let her out to find another victim. This in itself is the real crime. Don't know if any of this helps anyone, I hope it does. The very best of luck to all of you who must deal with this, my heart goes out to all of you.

Hi Nauseated,

Thanks so much for your response. Yesterday I did get the number for The National Center for Elder Abuse and I talked to someone today. The woman had told me exactly what you said that we need to go to the local precinct and explain to them with as much details and facts as possible to argue our case. She said they may or may not do a background check and hire an Investigator depending on how much evidence we have on her which is going to be hard to prove. Something is just not right with this woman and everyone in the family is concerned so we just need to find a way to protect my father before it is too late. My father is getting to the point where is becoming isolated from us and if anything starting to get angry and turn against someone of us. I don't know what kind of crap she is filling his head with but whatever she is doing it is working. Unfortunately I do think he may have a slight case of dementia but my siblings say he's fine.

Thanks again for your advice.

maybe you can denounce this man to the cops and with this police report you can go to court to get guardianship over your mom. get an order of protection to have him away from your mom and make him restore the money he stole from her/make him responsible for the rental property taxes owe.

Dear concerned, you are on the right track. Since this person is isolating your Father away from family members, that is definate proof that she is committing Elder Abuse. When you say local precinct does this also include Social Services? You should also file a report of elder abuse with them as well, and this will also protect you. They will send someone to speak with you, and to also speak with your Father as well. Dementia is so tricky, and they can hide it for years. My Father did just that. I am proud of you for taking action right away. Keep on it hard and fast. We are all here to support you on this very difficult journey. Take care of yourself as well.

doni,
I would get the police involved if that is at all possible. Document everything you can before you go to them and/or an attorney. Try to keep your emotions out of your log (just the facts). Dates and times also. Use a calendar to back track if yiu need to. This sounds like criminal activity to me. You may wish to do a background check on this person also. Previous questionable activities of this man may change your mother's opinion of this man if you can prove it. Chances are she may be the latest in a long line. Trust God & pray for justice.

My family is thinking we should just observe the situation, but I'm just not sure if that is going to give this woman more time to actually do some damage or get my father to marry her. She hasn't stolen from him yet to my knowledge she is just extremely possesive of him. I can't tell if she is just a really insecure women (59 years old) or if she is up to something. My family always seems to try to see the best in people. I just don't want anything to happen to my dad or his savings.

I would get the police involved also. go to the police station and make a report and keep it with you. tell cops that there is a man using your mom who is not capable of spending $200,000.00 by herself. go to the aging department or court with this police report to see if you can get control over your mom's financial decisions.

Dear concerned, I too, and my Dad too tried to always see the best in people as well. Problem is, there are many out there that know that, and there are many people who are wolves wearing sheeps clothing. Evil comes in many forms, and as I have learned, can also come in the form of a friendly, helpful, sweet face. I don't want to sound pushy, but please talk with your family about some of the many stories you may have read here. There is an eerie similarity. Do not back away from this, you will regret it later. There is more to this woman than you know. My Dad too, also had a lady friend, sounded just like the same situation your Dad is in. That was another lady before the one that took almost everything he worked his whole life for, another long story, in which she ended up drinking herself to death unfortunately. Please do not make the same mistakes some of us have made in waiting until it is too long. Please fight as hard as you can for your Dad, trust me, you will not regret it. My best wishes to you, your Dad, and your family.

Doni originally posted this in Aug of 2009. I wonder whatever happened?

My family is also going thru something similar. My grandfather lived with us for years and years while I was still at home. He had numerous surgerys (5 pacemakers) and my mom and dad took him in during these times. Several years ago my mom could not longer take care of him, due to needing open heart surgery. We sent grandpa to live with my moms brother for a little while and he was unhappy. Since he was unhappy we moved him back into the assisted living community that he was living in before moving in with my parents. Shortly after moving there, this lady started making dinner for him everyday and spending a lot of time with him. Since then she had taken all personal belongings (sold them or moved them to her daughters house), got rid of his apartment, got POA from my mother, will not allow any family members to see him, changed up the funeral arrangements that we have had in place for 5 years and is refusing hospice to come in. DHS has been called because of the bed sores and what is to be believed over medicating.....We are at a loss and don't know what steps to take. Any help would be appreciated.

kmm123,
I would suggest you get the police involved. People like this are parasites and she may have prior reports against her.
Write down what you know and dates.....just the facts. Take this to the police and elder agencies (area agency on aging, etc.) in the area.

Hello:
My family is having the same problem but my gpa is in love with an employee at a restaurant. My gpa feels sorry for the waitress because she crys to him everyday about her sad life and how her children murdered people and now her family is against her and she has no one (ps my gpa gave her bail money for the one child). for 5 hours. How do I get my gpa to not go there. Clearly he thinks he is in love with her and my gma is still alive but her dementia is much farther along. I am in another state and my gpa is drifting further away because all he wants to talk about is this lady. We called corporate at the restaurant and noone has done a thing or even replied. We are sad

My father was living with my sister (while his wife recovered from surgery)who was taking care of him in her home with help from another lady and also me and my other sister were also helping out. She talked him into moving back and live in with a woman to take care of him. I wanted him to live with me but my very manipulative sister said living with this woman would be best. My Dad has dementia and short term memory loss due to a stroke. She had all his assets and accounts and car put in her name. She had him switch POA to her which was previously in my sisters name. My father receives a large amount of retirement money each month which my sister has total control of. She doesn't even work and yet has another woman keep my Dad. I want to know legally how we can protect my Dad from her running through all his money and having total control of everything. We aren't involved in any decisions for my Dad or how his money is being spent. The lady he lives with is a good friend of my sister so she asks like we are outsiders and that she is in charge of my Dads visitors and activities. My poor Dad has no clue and just complains that he has no control over his life or his money. Is there anyway we can force them to provide us with a monthly break-down of expenditures.

I would speak with his doctor ASAP and let him know what is going on. This is elder abuse, she is isolating your father from his family. Someone needs to be appointed guardian for him. I would ask the doctor to perform a simple memory test and from there, have the doctor recommend a nueropsych eval. It may sound better coming from the doctor then you. If he is found to have dementia someone will need to step up and become his guardian or POA for finances.

Both of my elderly parents have been exploited (financially and sexually). It seems to happen more frequently when family and caregivers attempt to care for their parent(s) who live in another state or town. After reading all of your comments and stories, and dealing with the exploitation of both parents, the best advice is to follow your instincts and to act quickly. Take the time to document the facts, report the incidents, and follow through. Don't give up, although, the events that unfold are exhausting. The person who exploited my father took advantage of the fact that I was 1,500 miles away. She thought she had the upper hand . . . until I started calling the Sheriff's department, filing reports, and telling every agency, physician, and bank what was happening. It amazes me how blind and deaf these people were to the abuse. Some even defended the abuser! Finally, I took the bull by the horns and removed my father completely from the situation, but I had to wait until his health failed to do it. Be vigilant. Be creative. Take charge and don't take any B.S.

A year or so into becoming the guardian for my mom a younger man suddenly came on the scene. At the time she was 78 and he was about 60. This guy had done some handyman work for my mother and stepfather and once her heard of the stepfathers death he conveniently showed up to pay his respects. ( I personally think he realized mom was a lonely widow and was hoping for a cash cow) Low and behold he kept coming around.
At first I didn't want to come right out and tell mom he was probably trying to use her but I did drop some hints and of course she poo poo'd my suspicions.
Since I took care of all mom's financials at that point and paid all of her bills I took my POA, closed out her checking and savings account at her old bank and started new accounts in her name at another bank. I felt much safer then because I knew that even if this guy put mom in the car and took her to the bank there would not be any money for her to draw out!
Sure enough I went over one day to visit and check on her and this guys car was in the driveway but when I went in he did not come into the living area. Another words he was hiding somewhere in the house. I asked her where he was and why didn't he come out and visit with me? I could tell she was trying to be evasive.
I keep watching for him and talking to mom and I KNEW he was listening to our conversation. Suddenly she says that she and this guy were thinking they might trade in her car on a newer vehicle and travel around the country!
At that point I said "Mom, you can't trade in your car becaus you signed that over to me 3 months ago" and she said oh yeah I forgot. Then she asked me, "Do I have any money? " And I said mom you know you only get social security and I handle that for you.
After that we talked a while longer and low and behold she never heard from him again! Isn't that strange? They were going to travel the country and then once he hears me talking about her finances and lack of car title he boogies!
Thank God I was already set up and taking care of her before he found out about her husbands death or he would have cleaned her out and left her God knows where.

Making the perpetrator restore the money is a very good idea, but the main question is what if it's already gone? This will be a whole new battle if the person happens to be unemployed or on some kind of public assistance. Getting guardianship of your love one before this becomes a bigger problem is a very good idea. Doing a background check on the person in question is also a good idea. That way, you'll know if he has a job So his wages can be garnished if needed.

Is there anyone that has been helped by any outside agency. It seems that these situations are not easily resolved

My Mother in -Law was moved in the middle of the night to a different state by someone who was supposedly her friend. We now have limited contact. and she will not tell us where she lives. She had two strokes before all of this happened and her decision making ability has been compromised. In addition she inherited a large amount of money and this is the sole reason that she was moved out of state. What can I do who can I turn to for help.

Can I get guardianship of my dad who has dementia/Alzheimer's if he has a POA and it's someone that has taken advantage of him financially? She is not family. She is an ex from 30 years ago and my dad is married and has been for 16 years.

What you describe sounds to me like something I heard plenty about on the Dr. Phil show. What you're describing sounds much like the cat fishing cases Dr. Phil has handled, and unfortunately this seems to be very common. It sounds to me like you really need to either go for guardianship or somehow get the proper channels involved so they can get the ball rolling in that direction. If you know who this is who took advantage of your mom, you can go after them through the legal system. It all starts by first scouring the records. Find out first who sold her the house, this should be on public record. Anytime someone buys or transfers a home, there are records somewhere

Hello, after reading through many of these conversations I felt compelled to share my story. My father is 63. Three years ago he met a woman (55 years old) online while he was managing a business on his own. Three months later, my father suffered a mild heart attack in his home. He was airlifted and taken to the nearest city hospital and was recovered and returned home within a few weeks. I live quite a distance away from him and wanted to go see him with my kids. He told me his lady friend was staying over which I didn't mind as it gave me an opportunity to meet her. She seemed friendly enough upon meeting her and I was happy to see my father happy around her. However, alarm bells began to ring when I caught her looking at houses for sale on the computer. She didn't own her own home at the time and was on stress leave from work, paid for by the government. More alarm bells rang when she proceeded to tell me that she was waiting for my father to ask her to move in. She couldn't be looking for work and helping my father (who was due to have a triple bypass surgery in 3 months) at the same time, she told me. They had known each other for 12 weeks at this stage. I offered to help him out but he told me she had already offered. She ended up moving in with my father and he had his surgery in the city. My brother who lives in the city, went to see him in the hospital and commented how clingy she was with him while he was there. Since the surgery, my father ended up selling his business and retiring. He bought a house for him and her to live in and within 3 weeks, he had a stroke. I didn't get news of the stroke from her until much later that day, but made plans immediately to go and see him in hospital. While my father was in hospital she rang my brother and grandmother and told them both that she didn't have any money. Within minutes of arriving at the hospital (10 hour drive away), she came into his room acting overly anxious. I asked to speak to her outside his room as it was making me feel uncomfortable. She then tells me "not to take her house away from her" and "your father wants me in his will". I thought these were very strange responses especially when my father just had a stroke! I was polite though and told her that it wasn't my intention. My father had made me POA prior to him meeting her and I was there to help. Still she kept a very close eye on me and never left my father's side, let alone give us any time alone together. The whole time I was there, I just couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right with her. I guess those comments she made to me in the hospital sent more alarms bell ringing. Anyway fast forward a couple of months and my father enters rehab for his stroke. My grandmother (his mother) calls me to tell me that my dad had changed his POA and will. He made her POA and put her in the will. I questioned dad's capacity to make big changes so soon after having his stroke but he insisted it was just easier this way. Since rehab, my father has bought 2 more houses and moved twice. Meanwhile, us kids get no contact from him since the stroke. No visits, no phonecalls and not even gifts for the grandkids at Xmas time. When we call, its put on loudspeaker and she listens in and comments when she wants to. Around Xmas time I question her once in a series of textes about why is it her grandkids get acknowledged and mine don't when Dad cant do these things for himself? She kept blaming my father for being stubborn and tight with his money. I reminded her of an earlier conversation where she promised she would help get dad reconnected with his family. But she tells me he doesn't want to go anywhere. Since the phone call she has blocked my phone number and all contact with my father. My brother is told a whole bunch of lies about me which included the conversation in the hospital and telling my brother that I am just after my inheritance (her words) , and that I pulled her out of the hospital room and demanded to know all his account numbers! and to top it off, my father now blames me for splitting him and a previous partner up and said he will never forgive me for. I'm now so confused. I'm being blamed for something I never did and now I have no way of contacting my father to tell him. I don't even know where they live and they aren't giving out their address (she doesn't want me turning up to abuse her she said). All I wanted to do was to send my dad photos of the grand kids but she tells my brother she doesn't want the photos in her house. I've called the elderly abuse hotline regarding this matter but they said if my father is happy then there is really not much they can do. I could apply to have his capacity reassessed but I know that that is just going to cause any even bigger wedge between my father and I. Other family members are telling me to just let him be. But I know we will never talk again if that is the case. I have always had a close relationship with my dad and know that since the stroke his short term memory is affected and some aspects of his personality has changed. It doesn't help when she publishes images of monkeys and apes with their middle digit up on facebook and instagram, I know these quotes are aimed at us (my brothers and I) and that my father would have no clue of this going on. Pre-stroke, my father would never have let it got to this. He would never have blocked me after a disagreement. Before the stroke, he never disclosed any of his financial details to her and bought the first house in his name. She had access to $10K in an account prior to when dad was in hospital with his stroke. So I don't know why she was worried about having no money. Some things she says just doesn't add up. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks.

First of all, start your own thread about this.

Secondly, while I can tell you are upset, this is very hard to read given that it is not broken up into paragraphs.

Thirdly, talk with a lawyer and make a personal visit yourself to your father's house.