Mom snapped yesterday, became incoherent and nonrespondent. Had to call 911 who transported her to the hospital....

Many towns now have groups who meet to talk to each other and this is very helpful-many hospitals have support groups and if you have a senior center or an office of the ageing in your area they will be able to assist you-it can be so helpful to talk to others during this time and I am glad you sisters can do this together-that will make it much easier on all of you-keep in touch and let us know how things are going-and you will be a great help to others-your expriences will be a Godsend to others.

Pamela, you've been through so much, and have grown exponentially as a result. Not everyone handles things the same way, as I'm sure you're aware. Sounds as if you're the responsible one, and the one to lead the way. Forgiveness goes a long way, and grace for your sis at this time. She may never "get it," as you have, but one can hope. She's probably looking to you to be the "strong" and compassionate one. From what you've demonstrated, it seems you are. The insight and maturity you've gained make that apparent. Trust God to help you. Sorry to hear about your mom's episode. So they finally gave her a diagnosis? Medications should help with some of her responses. Hugs and support help you, and will be invaluable for your sister, as well. I'll keep you and your mom, and family in prayer, Pamela. What a blessing you can be to them at this time. I pray the Lord give you wisdom and endurance.

Thank you all.

SS yes the Lord has spoken to me in so many ways, I can't even name. I just came back from there and as I kept asking mom questions her only answers were "A LRIGHT".

I went outside and cut some roses for mom, then I put a picture of all of us near her. I told my sister that the clock and the radio serve no purpose next to her now, as she has no concept on time, and I don't think she's capable of turning on the radio anymore. But do you know what the best thing of all was............me and my sister hugging and telling one another "I LOVE YOU AND WE'LL GET THROUGH THIS". Gosh how great God is to have brought us full circle, do you know what I mean. I actually felt like I had a sister, and I felt like we were really comforting one another. Lord that felt good. Even though I keep asking God why mom is suffering, maybe this is the reason to bring us together as 'SISTERS", and it doesn't get any better than that. I feel so good, I mean I'm sad for mom, but I'm happy for my sister and I working together, I mean isn't that how God displays himself.

I feel so good.

Mom eased into sleep, and I kissed her several times and told her I loved her. Don't know if she heard me, don't care, it just felt right.

I'll be back over there 2morrow, but I think mom can rest now, and maybe that's what's she's been waiting for.

Ain't God something, oh yes he is.

Amen, sister. I'm happy for your breakthrough with your sister. Only God could have done that. Man (men, and women) always mess things up without God in the mix. Anyway, I don't know why people suffer, but I hate to say it's so others can work things out. All things work together for them that love God, but I don't think he necessarily causes bad things to make them work that way.

Then again, I'm not God, so who knows his plan. Seems my ways aren't always the best. Still waiting for God to do something in my family. Or maybe he's trying to do something in me? Ugh! Meanwhile, my dad struggles with Alzheimer's. I hate it! But I don't blame God. I just don't understand the stupid disease. It's a cruel one, and hard on families.

Pamela, thanks for sharing your journey. It's awesome to know that God is working in it.

The Doctor at the hospital says there are basically no test for Dem/Alz. Is this true? They are checking her blood for Folic, and B12. Has anyone ever heard of this?

She also has a nerve exposed in her teeth and we want to have her tooth extracted. Don't know if it's safe but an infection in the mouth can cause all kinds of problems. Is it a good idea to proceed with that, or should be just let that be and focus on the Dem/Alz.?

It's pretty confussing.

Pamela, my heart goes out to you. You're not surprised by this, are you? I read everything I could get my hands on. There are some great Alz/Dementia books out there. The 36 Hour Day is very good to begin with, then there's a host of many more. Confused? More like shock, dismay, anger, bargaining, disbelief, then, dang, dang, dang. It's one of the most insidious diseases on the planet. I hate it! That diagnosis hits our psych like a ton of bricks. The more you read, the less confusing it feels. They say, "Don't tell the patient." Some say, "Do tell them." Whatever! My dad knew long before we did, and he told his closest friends long before us...until he could no longer conceal it. Wish he'd have told us! We could have helped! I know your mom will be blessed to have you as her angel, Pamela. Dement/Alz support groups are GREAT! Hugs, Pam.

O, yeah: take care of her teeth, which will contribute to her comfort when it's done. You'll have the rest of her life to focus on the ebbs and flows of her disease. Prayers going your way.

Pamela, Make sure they check Mom for a UTI. My mom is just getting to the end of one, and let me tell you!!! Her mentality gets totally altered when she has a UTI. The dementia only makes it worse. Mom actually acts like she has had a stroke, leaning to the left quite heavily, unable to walk, drooling, and high anxiety, which makes her hyperventilate and look like she is seizing. A couple days on an antibiotic, and she is like a different person. So please make sure they do a urine culture. It can save a lot of heartache. We actually had Mom committed twice, before we realized she was having frequent UTIs.
Good luck to you and your family. You have a long road ahead. I have been home with Mom 24/7 for over 2 years now. It has been a challenge!

Hi Pamela,

there's a sense of peace in knowing and now that your sis is getting/giving support you will be fine.
You know that it's a rough road ahead and it's easier when people get it and cooperate.

There is really no medical test that they can do to ID ALZ/DEM, but behavior is behavior and that's essentially the end of it.

I took my Mom to the 'NJ institute for succesful aging' (I swear they exist) and they put her through a battery of psych and motor skill tests and told me in private that we had about 3 years left with her. They were pretty close, she lasted another 5 years but after those first 3 years she was unable to do the basic things like make a sandwich, bathe, etc. In the last year she couldn't navigate the bathroom and the poop issues.

Pamela, you're doing the right thing. Just love and love freely. you're an angel and you have grown so much and if i can speak for us all, I would say that we are proud of you and love you very much.

lovbob

Ditto! Excellent post, Bobbie!

Pam God bless you and give you strength you are a great role model for us all and so happy your sister is in it with you that must make such a difference for you both.

HI All -
I finally sat down in my cool office to read all of your posts on the Toothbrush incident. 2+ hours of clicking back through your lives.
You people ROCK! I'd love to be friends!

Pamela, Deefer is right on looking into a UTI. I haven't seen it mentioned here - but I'm new. Pretty experienced in the CG area.

In hot weather it is easy for seniors to become dehydrated, dillusional, often passing out. My Dad has a song about "I am DeHydrated" after many trips to the ER when he lived on his own & would crash in the foyer or hallways.

It was an AL residence & many of the seniors suffered from frequent UTIs. Conversation in the dining room was often about which drug a doctor prescribed.

Dad was in an era where drinking water wasn't a big deal when you had OJ, coffee or beer. I've learned to keep a keen nose for that "off" aroma of his urine. He is now on a full time cath so it's a bit easier to detect when I drain him, altho he is agreeingto drink water. UTIs HURT!!!

It's been quite a journey.
Blood, p*ss, sh*t & tears.
Sorry David Clayton Thomas.

I feel as if I am off base on this thread b/c my 90 YO father is bright, alert & ocassional pains. Spoiled rotten. Self absorbed much of the time.
Again, a generational situation where women took care of their men.
They raised me to be independent so here I am 24/7, being independent, alone, caring for his highness.
Not forever & I value our time together.

I applaud all you wonderful people who care for your loved ones.
Hopefully someday I can join your comments!

pamela, there really is no definite way to tell if someone has Alzheimer's. They only definite way is to do an autopsy after they pass. And, then that's no help. Mom's doc gave her the standard tests and noted her behavior. He diagnosed her with Alzheimer's from that. He has her on Aricept and Namenda. I think the meds have helped. As far as her tooth goes, if she is in pain then I would definitely have them go ahead and extract it. My heart goes out to you through all of this. It also gives me hope that perhaps my sister and I can somehow mend our relationship. We'll see. You're doing great, girl. :)

love,
miz

ripleymcknight, welcome!! :)

UTI was detected and deefer you are right, those antibiotics made a world of difference. I asked the Dr. about it, and he said UTI takes on a world of it's own in the elder and throws them wayyyyyyyy off. When the internal medicine doctor came in, he said he didn't believe it was after showing us her print out. Some were normal, and some that should have been abnormal were normal. Well I can't explain it entirely but I know that after that IV was given to her with those antibiotics, she came around somewhat.

I went by today to spend time with her. She is so out of it, and I hate this disease, it has robbed us badly but I am still more adjusted than sis. She's coming around though but is still trying to run in there every time mom calls for something. She and I were in the living room talking, and what do you know happens, "DING, DING, DING, DING" mom is in there ringing that damn bell. Well I'll just be darned. Can't do nothing, but can certainly ring that bell. Both my sister and I had to laugh at that one. I told my sister that when she's done everything that she can for mom, not to keep going in there because she will be wiped out, and you all know what I mean. When you've done everything you can, there's nothing more you can do. If she keeps letting her run her around, she's gonna be the next one who will need to see a doctor.

Sis says her caretaker says she gave her a bad time and has become combattive. I tell my sister that this is a symptom of the Dem/Alz. She wouldn't let the caretaker stand her up to change her, and would barely let my sister change her either. Later when I went over she asked me to change her, I checked the diaper, which was dry, but she said it again, so I just changed her anyway. She then told me that I don't do nothing right and tell Helen (I guess meaning my sister) to come and do it. She then said I don't know what I'm doing and told sister to change her. I showed sis the dry diaper I'd just removed, and that was all I could do.

Sis and I have agreed on going in together on a camcorder for the room just to make sure the caretaker is on the up and up. Mom cannot communicate now, and we want to make sure she is not being abused, although I know with this disease one can become hostile, we'd just rather see for ourselves. I'm glad we agree on that one.

She cannot communicate now, just mutters off numbers, my phone number she keeps saying over and over. sis says she talked about her dead cousin, her neighbor, and her sister. We just don't know what she's saying. We just don't know.

Unfortunately there will come a time when mom will be too much for us to handle, and I hate to even think of that, however it is something I will have to discuss with sis. I want to prepare her for that so she won't be shocked again like she was this time.

Yes it's about time for me to buy a couple of books. Gonna get that 36 hour book you mentioned SS, one for me and one for my sister. As a matter of fact I'm just gonna sit down in the bookstore and look in that Dem/Alz section.

We're gonna get the tooth pulled, as long as the medicine she's on doesn't prevent it.

I think I've rattled on enough. Thanks to all of you, and I love you all.

Pamela, I sat here reading through all the posts and I know what you are dealing with. UTI's are very common in the elderly and everytime I see these posts I feel obligated to mention how much D-mannose helped my mother.

Although antibiotics are the 'drug' of choice, there are other ways to deal with and even prevent UTI's from occuring. I do not have ANY vested interest in the product (D-Mannose) and If you are not familar with D-Mannose please read up on it by doing a google search.

Understand the 'mechanics' of D-Mannose, and I assure you as someone who dealt with this problem with my elderly mother, it is a product I can recommend with confidence.

With regards to 'tests that can show evidence of Alzheimer's,there are memory tests that an EXPERIENCED geriatric doctor can give that will help understand the 'stage' your mother is in.

A PET scan (positron emission tomography) that measures uptake of sugar in the brain significantly improves the accuracy of diagnosing a type of dementia often mistaken for Alzheimer's disease, a study led by a University of Utah dementia expert has found, Frontal Temporal Dementia.

Quote: FTD is a common cause of early onset dementia among people 45-64 years old and is marked by behavioral changes and language difficulties. Like Alzheimer's, it can take years to develop and, for now, is incurable. Although FTD is a separate disorder, it often meets clinical diagnostic criteria for Alzheimer's and often is misdiagnosed even by dementia experts. (Endquote)

Know more about what you are dealing with can help in the treatment early on. Medical treatments for later stages of dementia often prove useless and in many cases can make behaviors worse.

It is legal in all 50 states to use a hidden camera to keep an 'eye' on the caregiver and your mother. However, it is illegal to record speech without a person's consent in the following 15 states: California, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Hawaii, Illinois, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, Oregon, Pennyslvania, and Washington.

A good diet, light exercise and simplified living helped me care for my mother and I also read and studied as much as I could on validation therapy, and other proper ways to handle myself around her. It wasn't easy at first, but after I learned to accept it was easier (for me).

God bless you Pam,and all of you still on this journey!

Do you folks allow any company for your parents. I know her best friend will want to come by, (then again maybe not) but in case she does, is it a good idea or a bad one for people to come and see her.

I know that since she's had the stroke, she didn't want people to see her, perhaps I'd better carry on those same wishes.

Again thank you MiaMadre, and I personally gave you a profile hug,

I've just come from 5 different bookstores and can you believe I couldn't find ONE thing on Dem/Alz. I'm now in the process of ordering two on line.

Pamela!!!!
I just read your post from 20 hours ago.
Rattle ON girl friend!
I can't imagine what your going thru now.

So sorry - stay safe.
I;ll be online since I rarely sleep

pamela,

My initial thought is to have your mom's friends over. However, if she is very much against it, it may just upset her. Maybe you could try it once (warn the friend) and see how it goes. They may still want to see her. It may be important to them.

I have gone to one seminar at a nursing home here and will probably go to more, if I can find the energy. They have good information and I learned of a support group in my area from someone there. I don't know if libraries have books on alz/dementia. It might be worth a shot. Cheaper too!! :) Hang in there, sweetie. I know it's rough.

love,
miz

Pamela, I borrowed many a book from the Alzheimer's Association, as they have a lending library of some GREAT books and DVDs. These will help you so much. I could fax you some handouts I've accumulated over the past few years if you like. Hugs. Know you're not alone, and there's tons of support for this leg of your journey.

Pamela. you are most welcomed. I know how difficult this journey can be, and any way I can lessen the stress for someone else, the better.

I know that Mom loved to have visitors (even at the nursing home) and we would stage 'tea parties' for the other ladies and Mom would feel like the host.

I ordered my books from Amazon (some of them used in fact) for a fraction of what they cost.

Learning to speak Alzheimer's is another great book.

Learning to speak Alzheimer's wow, there's a book with that name, I'm floored.

Thanks everyone, I've phoned the Alz. Assoc. and asked for mailings, put myself on their email list, and called sis and gave her the 24/7 hotline number as well.

All of your ideas are so wonderful, I certainly do thank you, everyone of you, I really do. It is so wonderful of you to come through for me. I'm floored, I really am. Thank you again. I am taking everyone's advice.

Love you all

Pam

I only wish this website had a CHAT room! That way we could connect 'live' online and exchance ideas.

u have email, we can do it real quick delete it before they delete it. I'll check right back

Pamela6148, your wisdom in the midst of your Mom's health crisis is inspiring to me, personally. May you be blessed with continued serenity as you, your sister and your Mom face uncertain days ahead. Thanks for sharing your story.

Yes. I've heard of those test and their fine. I want to mention that an infection can add to the dementia. So can a urninary tract infection and a visit to the hospital. Most people aren't aware of this. I know I wasn't when I got into the elderly health care industry.

DeAnna

yes - doc said b vitamins are important and i read that folic acid helps it to do its job - i started taking b vit. with folic acid - dont want to get alz if i can help it

pamela , how is ur mom ? hope shes comin around ok .
pa still the same . tmr he will be going to otolaryngology , throat doc . to see why he s not swallowing good . and cant spit out whats floatin around in back of his throat . hope its good news .
ure so sweet to go and help ur sister and hang out with her . i wish my sister would come here , she does once a while but not as often .,
keep us update how ur mom is . xoxo

If something is hurting her in her mouth that will rather complicate things... I would encourage you to talk with a dentist who specializes in Senior care.

Jaye, that's a great idea. :)