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Hothouseflower, It does seem like 9 x outta ten there is some sort of drama and anger in a family after a death. Probably more so after years of caregiving.

Another thing is you are much more venerable to insults and problems right now. Your whole family has a lot of healing to do.

Don't answer your sisters calls again. If she keeps calling maybe a text to tell her you need some time and if she keeps it up block her. You don't need that hothouseflower.

It's time for you to heal and find some peace.
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@hothouseflower I’m so sorry for everything you have been through. You have been through years of physically and emotionally draining caregiving that was never really your choice. Now mom has passed, which is huge, even if you were prepared for it. Dad is still having medical issues, and sister has the nerve to be mad at you over some photos ? That really hurts.

We were going to have one of those photo loops at my mom’s wake, but the whole thing fell through. It didn’t matter. She had a lovely service and many family and friends came to pay their respects. Im sure you had the same, even without all the photos. I’m sorry you’re dealing with sister’s anger on top of everything else.

I kind of identify in a small way because I’ve been dealing with a very difficult brother since moms death, getting in the way of cleaning out and selling mom’s house, and causing me angst at every turn.

But my caregiving days are over for now. Yours are not. You need a break and a great big ((((hug)))). I am praying for you. 🙏
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hothouse (((((hugs))))) just ((((((hugs))))). You didn't need or deserve this.
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Hothouse,

I realise you are just venting. I really had to get something off my chest the other day - there were no solutions to be had - and it really took a weight off! It gave me the strength to deal with another day. Nevertheless, here's my tuppence worth!

I'm so sorry that you have had to deal with your sister's unreasonable behaviour, on top of grieving for your mother and trying to accept your father's situation.
I don't think that grieving is an excuse for bad behaviour. I think it is an excuse for her feeling upset over something that is really quite trivial - her family photos of Mum being left out - but it doesn't excuse how she treated you, especially when it was clear that the mistake wasn't even your fault - but even if it was.

Your sister is looking for people to blame, as is clear from her reaction to your dad's infection. That has more to do with her character and how she views life than the reality of the situation.

For what it's worth, I think that you have a healthy perspective on your father's condition. I believe in quality of life over quantity. At 95, your dad has had plenty of the latter; now, it seems that the former is coming to an end. Acceptance of the inevitable will help bring you peace.

You can't change your sister's perspective and you are not responsible for her happiness.
Just think about yours, as well as the thigs you can actually change and are genuinely responsible for. Work towards your own wellbeing.
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A twist in the situation with MIL , DH has no power . Uggh . I’ll be back later when I can get my thoughts together . But I would like to share in case it helps someone else .
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So sorry way, fill us in when you can. Take care of yourself 💓
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Hi all, my good friend's newborn grandson is in the NICU in Edmonton, some positive thoughts and prayers would be appreciated.
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Cwillie ,

Oh that’s scary . I hope the baby does ok .

I found out last night my next door neighbor who has had her ( never a smoker ) metastatic lung cancer “ at bay” with a daily chemo pill is no longer stable . Due to a couple of other medical issues , an infection in an open wound ( dying tissue at an old radiation site where the radiation severely damaged the circulation ) and a blood clot in her leg due to a recent bout of Covid , she can’t get IV chemo again yet . I feel bad for her . Also Her daughter recently finished heavy duty chemo and now is getting radiation fighting an aggressive breast cancer, 38 years old , with 2 very young children .
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Prayers and heartfelt good wishes for the newborn in NICU!
Continuing......
💝💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞
and the parents too!
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cw: Prayers forthcoming. Hope that the newborn does well in the Edmonton hospital. 💙
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way: Prayers sent.
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I'm currently without a phone right now. My phone won't connect to a charger at all and I have a new one on the way as of a few days ago. Problem is, I have to keep my phone off and wait another couple of days to get the new one and I'm basically on house arrest in all but name right now.

I went and got mine and my mom's dinner at our country club the 1st full day without my phone and she had a panic attack while I was gone. Maybe it's a good thing she didn't have me during the 70s or even 80s. Overprotective parents of my generation wouldn't have lasted long the moment their kids left for college 40, 50 yrs ago.

I was gonna go to an event earlier today across town for literally a few minutes, but she pleaded with me not to go because I didn't have a phone. We initially considered having a friend come and watch her, but the friend was gonna go to the NH to help feed her 95 yr old mother at the time I was gonna leave the house. I brought up a couple of other friends of hers that could keep her company, but she wouldn't entertain it any further.

She got emotional and talked about how I didn't understand things from her perspective and pulled the "I got you this/that" card regarding the new phone, which is my birthday gift, and dinner every week from our country club. The phone is more out of necessity than desire and as far as the weekly country club dinner, it's always her preference, not mine. She's the one that gets that ball rolling regarding that dinner decision, not me. She has gotten me a phone and weekly club dinner, but she won't give me things like respected wishes, seriousness, and extra help, let alone give me my life back. Several months back, she talked about how various relatives have had at least one son and that I can mark it down when it comes to having a boy. She doesn't grasp my perspective and that if caregiving continues on, I'll be marking down being unmarried and childless instead.

She then talked about how she was "making strides" in her recovery prior to my dad's passing. We all know that was a complete lie and she had long started to be up and around the house on a less frequent basis by that point. She was also resisting calls by my dad to start PT and she would chew out her "best friend" in response to the PT suggestions. She was unmotivated before my dad passed, as well as paranoid over Covid.

Btw, the 6th anniversary of her becoming immobile was a few days ago and when I made note of it, she said it was water under the bridge. Her still being immobile and stuck in the den of our house say otherwise.
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Blickbob, you need to set some major boundaries, and find a way to get breaks , for your mental health.
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Blickbob, you don't have a phone at the moment so Mom cannot call you. But Mom has a phone, right?

Ask Mom who else can she call if she did have an emergency?

Plus who would she call if you didn't come home on time.. (anyone can trip in the street, car breaks down etc)

Can she use the phone? Or does she have a personal emergency button?
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My friends dog is very ill, she lost her husband and dad recently, so I told her I'll take her sweet pup to the vet for her when she is ready.

Not something I'm looking forward to doing, for sure!
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Anxiety , That’s sad , so many recent losses for your friend .
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Yeah the poor little gals , test results came back negative for other things, so it's most likely pancreatic cancer.

So she is hopping to spend the weekend with her and I'll take her Monday. 😢
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OMG , I'm an idiot, 😠 I just realized the occupational therapist at moms today, was trying to get me to walk out with her.

She asked if my car was blocking her and looked at me odd.

Now I'm realizing why.
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Just testing see if this works, couldnt get on the forum this morning
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That's the problem when people give hints and talk in code Anxietynacy, the message often does not get through.
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Was just diagnosed with gout in my left foot. Terrible pain. This foot was operated on in January and I have a 6 month post opp appointment this Tuesday so I was trying to hold on until then but last night the pain felt like a 12 out of 10. I really thought a fracture had somehow developed so this diagnosis is actually a relief in disguise. 3 prescribed medications are kicking in and am feeling better.
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River, so happy for you that you are getting treatment that helps. I pray you do not have any more flair ups.

Good luck with your follow up visit.
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River, so sorry to hear about the gout. It, like kidney stones, is infamous for its pure HURT. I DO agree with you that having the information helps with the pain, because fearing its a fracture adds fear and fear always adds to pain. It helps to have an answer. Wishing you the best in treatment.
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I got an update from my friend - her little grandson has been released from the hospital and is improving at a remarkable rate, we are all so thankful!!
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CWillie, Praise The Lord!

So happy for all involved.
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Having no quality time with my mom bc my aunt and uncle won't step up to care for my grandma.
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Southall, I'm sure your mom would rather be spending time with you too. It's not just one person caregiving, it effects the whole family, in one way or another.
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Cwillie,
The improvement in the baby grandson is some really good news!

Thanking God for answered prayers!

And thank you Cwillie for updating us.
Even so, there will be continued prayers for this little one.

I needed this good news!
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My whine moment is I just found out they are redoing a bridge that connects my town to moms, so that's going to be very frustrating 😖, months of patients, to get back and forth.
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Sinus pain has been really bad these last few days. We had a couple of days of heavy wildfire smoke which was probably at least part of it. Not as bad today, but then I am taking more meds for it too. I know for me allergens are worse this time of year and all that combined with the construction nearby doesn't help.

I bought better filters for the furnace and a small but good air purifier for the bedroom. It's been raining a bit and I hope it rains more to clean the air, 🌧⛈🌦

nacy - road construction is a pain everywhere. It's all over the place in Edmonton.
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