I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Today DH found out through the grapevine why he hasn’t heard from her .
It seems ( according to MIL) she got sideswiped while driving . At least that is what she told her other son . I’ll take that description with a grain of salt considering MIL’s lifelong distorted accounts of happenings where , She’s always innocent . 🙄🙄🙄
DH called his mother today to see if she would mention it to him and she didn’t . She still thinks DH doesn’t know .
It will be interesting to see if DH asks her about it when we visit her in two weeks . Hmmm 🤔🤨🧐
Frustrating!!!
No response from DMV is frustrating too.
Doesn't seem like there is much you can do. Maybe another call to DMV?
Must be awful waiting for a crisis to happen. ((((hugs))))
Of course she didn't tell DH, maybe now after an accident you can try DMV .
I think it's been a while since you and DH have been there. She may have gotten pretty frail since last time. People can really cover up things through a phone.
I know you both know it, but this is one of the most common things out there. Here in SF a woman hit the gas instead of break and plowed into an entire group of people waiting for a MUNI bus. 3 are dead including a child, and a baby remaining hospitalized.
My mother hit the gas and plowed through an entire plant nursery taking out a bunch of young trees rather than young kids.
My brother drove his pickup back and forth, back and forth between a truck-size dumpster and a palm tree until his head was smashed up front, back and side, then was lying in the arms of his neighbor saying "I knew something was wrong; I knew something was wrong".
This happened so often in my own family that I gave up my license in my early 70s, knowing I drove to infrequently to be a good driver with an impaired left eye.
I read a common remark in her case, plus Peter Nygard’s and more, involving criminal trials of old people, that galls me. The defence not wanting jail time due to their risk of dying in jail. I think some arrogant, irresponsible people need prison time to reflect upon their actions. Or their behaviours continue because there is no lifestyle altering consequence. I am having difficulty feeling sorry for them.
imagine she even did it on purpose. would she, or anyone, really admit to a judge, “i pressed that gas pedal on purpose. i was having fun speeding.”…?
of course not. people lie in front of judges all the time.
Being a NYC girl I took mass transit to work my whole career. I would never dream of driving into Manhattan during the rush hour.When I moved to the Bay Area I drove to work but decided the train was better for me. It took a bit longer but I could read or relax and did not have the stress.
we only have one car here in Cali and I let my husband use 95% of the The time. I drive occasionally just mostly for practice. I have become proficient using BART and love the half price Clipper card.
I can hang up my car keys any time and it will be fine with me.
because if she had said anything else, she might have gone to jail, for example for manslaughter.
it matters what you say before, during and even after trial — even what you say years later.
there are also potential civil lawsuits, like wrongful death.
hence, she says what she says.
My brother actually said riding with my dad driving, was scarier than being in a brigade in Afghanistan.
Nonetheless. as you get older, it is wise to give up driving while you are ahead. Sig other does the majority of the driving here too. I am debating what I am going to do next year when my next driver's medical comes up at age 88 (every 2 years in Alberta for those over 80). I think I will pass it and a driving test if required but it's getting to that time. We will keep the car as it is a great car for driving holidays.
It would take out some guess work and family drama . 15 year old is young . Is that legal anywhere anymore ?
MIL always argues that she is a safer driver than teens , ignoring the reasons we give her that are concerns .
I’m basing my judgement on what the Aunt told us . MIL has a lead foot and takes turns on 2 wheels , both of which she always did though.
But the aunt also said MIL doesn’t hit the brakes soon enough and ends up in the middle of an intersection , which we did see her do as well when we were behind her once . We also witnessed very wide turns. In a nutshell she’s too slow to respond the way she needs to .
Also I’m basing it on her immobility . I can’t imagine she can have great control .
My uncle, from what I here late 80s was a good driver. Family didn't have any concerns. Then he got a UTI, ended up in Canada, then came home to NY, and went the wrong way on the highway, and was in a bad accident.
And some accidents could of happened to any of us.
Probably best is to start with 60 year olds, to educate them on what to watch out for in the future, and when it's the right time to give up you license, to prepare people for there future
she’s tempting fate.
does MIL have options? can someone else drive her? people often continue driving because no one else will drive them and they can’t afford to take taxis everywhere.
MIL has plenty of options , that’s the thing that makes this so frustrating . She lives in a very active condo that has much younger retirees willing to drive people . One of her friends drives some people already . MIL admitted all she would have to do is put a want ad in the condo newsletter . She says other people put ads in it willing to drive people for a fee .
I do wonder though if she still gets a paper copy of the newsletter . MIL has no internet , computer , email , or smartphone or anything . She’s totally old school .
She knows a lot of people , she’s been on the HOA board forever . She is active in clubs . She would have no problem finding a driver . She finds everything that way like a handyman , and someone she pays to shovel her car out , by word of mouth since she has no computer . She’s like the mayor , she knows a lot of people .
She doesn’t want to have to schedule a driver . She doesn’t want to give up the being able to go out last minute . She also doesn’t cook . Eats out 3-4 dinners a week and brings home the leftovers .
She could stop paying the monthly lease payment and insurance on her car and pay a few different people to drive her .
What she really needs is an aide , she has her SO who has dementia and cancer being her butler while MIL sits barking orders to bring her things and help her get dressed. Last time we were there I felt so bad for the SO being her butler. And Yeah , she can’t dress herself because of such bad arthritis , her shoulders are frozen , but she drives . Her left leg is contracted from a bad knee replacement and has a dropped foot . She can barely walk with her cane that she leans too much weight on , refuses a walker. The cane gives to one side or the other and she falls outside . She wall and
furniture surfs inside . She’s fallen a number of times outside , EMS know her well now .
it’s the kind of nightmare so many of us caregivers have experienced. elderly people refusing walkers, etc., etc.
it’s rare to have an elderly LO who’s sweet and cooperative and appreciate and reasonable and in a good mood and kind and thoughtful and keeps their word and lifts the caregiver’s spirits up.
(i am lucky).
15 yr olds shouldn't be driving alone as far as I know. Of course that doesn't necessarily stop them. Personally I would rather that the age of getting a license was a bit older - say 18 at least. Here a 14 yo can get a learners - whoa!