I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
HEY!! I lived. It is ok. The Hospice peeps called it "furniture skiing" Who Knew?
A two week vacation? Oh Yea! I'm down...who is parent sitting?
.
yup got the guilts,the tears, the hopefuls then the not hopefuls, emotional roller coaster is an understatement..Thank you all for sharing.
Linda
Mom told the Neurologist off today... why? Well, when we left I said "she's a feisty old lady ain't she"? The doc laughed.......... OMG You are taking up for HER and not listening to me!!! Sigh....
Lots of love to all of us dealing with this... it is not easy.
She is now full of love and does not remember being a nasty cranky old feisty b*tch
double sigh
Do I have my purse?
Did I forget something? Always thinking about the purse
Where is my purse?
Arrgghhh
Mom has been declining at an alarming pace? Either that or I've been really blind.... the hallucinations started a few weeks ago. Up all hours of the night wandering the house thinking there is people in there trying to kill her.... running telling the police men ( they know she's got AZ) that I beat her... oh man...
Today she had her Neurologist appt. GOOD GOD you'd thought I was committing her!... no Ma, just a check up to make sure the patch is doing its thing. Nope, she sat there, arms folded, eyes in death slits... told the Neurologist I was just trying to get her committed and I was lying about everything. The Dr just smiled and told her that I was just trying to keep her safe. Prescribed her Seroquel ... sigh. It would be easier to have a private consult with the doc vs. describing all that goes on in front of her. SHE FORGETS!! 20 minute drive to docs, 40 questions about where we are going. 40 answers all the same. YET, I never told her.
I took her to the little mall afterwards so we could walk around and window shop and have a nice lunch. NOPE! She wouldn't get out of the car.... after much persuasion she managed to get out...but then walked ten feet behind me. Every time I stopped, she stopped and glared. If I came close to her, she'd make that hissing noise. really? She hasn't spoke to me all day (whew)
So... my whine is; why do I get so mistreated for doing my best for her and my brothers get all the Disney Dad Glory?
Mom IS going to daycare 3 times a week.... after the seroquel kicks in.
Bedtime yet?
I can't have her go to the store with me anymore. Why you may ask? She will put 12 cans of tuna, 6 boxes of oatmeal, 4 boxes of denture cream, and 4 boxes of wine and then she will put that all back. She will forget all that and start over again. I can't do my own shopping because I have to supervise. It took us almost 2 hours to grocery shop for 6 items one day. The repeating stuff still is making me nutty.
When she's sleeping she might be uncomfortable so try a very small pillow under her knees or each leg on a soft pillow. She might have "restless legs" which is very annoying for the sufferer. It does not usually happen all the time but it gives you a strong desire to constantly move the legs. They take on a life of their own.
Ask her Dr about that. Sorry I can't help with the snoring or farting. lying on the side would help with snoring if she'd do that.
My whine moment today is about my own intolerances or "ew" issues that I just can't tolerate, but have to, because I'm the only one caring for mom.
I have a serious issue touching other people's feet. Not little baby "I'm gonna num num num kiss kiss kiss those itty bitty piggies" feet. We're talking about adult feet - specifically MOM'S feet. Cutting her nails, putting her socks & shoes on, etc - it's enough to send me into a shuddering fit, and I have to wash my hands when I'm done, because her feet just gross me out. I know it's a little nuts, but I just can't deal with them.
Today, it's Mom's cricket-like habit of rubbing her feet and legs together when she's laying down and the sound of her feet/legs rubbing together that's getting to me. It's like nails on a chalkboard to me. I know when she hasn't taken her pills, because her legs are so restless that she can't lay still - which was the case today. She laid down before taking the pills, and I think she was trying to play a symphony on her feet/legs.
I work from home, and Mom refuses to sleep anywhere but the living room, which is where my desk is. If I try to work from another room, she gets upset and says she's lonely. I'm seriously considering moving my desk into the kitchen, at least, so I can have some semblance of a professional working environment -one without someone snoring, farting, and rubbing her legs together while I'm trying to work....(sigh).
The challenges we face...I tell ya.....
My sense of humor is a bit twisted but it has saved me from the demons that torture others.
The one thing that does bother me though is the lack of support for caregivers.For instance, an elderly person living with family is unable (in my state) to take advantage of home health care services.In order to have help with bathing or other they must be bedridden or living on their own.
If the elderly person is reasonably good health they will not be admitted to hospital even if they have the flu. (my mom is 94 and doc said he could not "justify" admitting her under the current law.
As she suffers from dementia and my hubby and I are in our 60's we were advised to look into placement for her.Her income is very low(factory worker all her life) no assets, but decent insurance.What is open to her are shared room accommodations in a setting that caters to a population with all disabilities.
I've worked in these settings and it's less than ideal (to say nothing of understaffing).
Many caregivers are struck.There is no way out.There is no cavalry coming to share the burden.Our parents and grandparents are forced to move in with us at a time of life when most are struggling with their own health issues, financial problems or lack of training available only through books or coarses that few can afford.
Most are physically and mentally unprepared for what they are facing.The worse of which is facing your own mortality.Seeing every day what you might become or face in the not so distant future. A truly frightening thought for a youth driven society.
Aging Care is one of the few sites that offers practical hands on experience advice and support.It's a least a place to feel you belong when all desert you.
Thank you all for being here for me, for us and for those that follow us.
Soooo..the neighbors hear screams then maniacal laughter.
In addition to this Mother keeps her room dark. As soon as I open the curtains, she closes them. All winter she has lived like a bat. She's fair skinned anyway and now extremely pale from lack of sun. Lately, she has decided to sit with our dog on the porch. Great!! I thought... but....she goes into her own world, doesn't move for an hour and looks dead. It suddenly occurred to me that my neighbors may think I've done the old girl in and prop her up from time to time in order to collect her check(again maniacal laughter).
Last whine: Mother thinks she can still clean herself after toileting.Sometimes her efforts are good, other times not so much.A few days ago the stink that followed her drove my dog into the "I didn't do it" position.When I mentioned it to mom she became very indignant and despite the fact that my hubby was within a few feet of her,she dropped her pants and protective underwear to prove she was clean.Again I laughed.I couldn't stop, it made the situation worse.
When she dropped her drawers not only was she covered with poop skids but bits of toilet paper from crack to thighs..AND...she had a long piece of toilet paper hanging from her bottom like a tail. It wasn't funny but I couldn't stop laughing.Hubby running from the room didn't help either. Then to prove she had problems she made me show her in a mirror. It was hand mirror and not easily positioned to give her a look. As she moved the paper tail swayed from side to side. I am sure I'm going to h*ll for falling back onto her bed laughing uncontrollably. Sometimes I think of these episodes in bed before passing out and start giggling. My hubby looks at me funny too lately. Maybe I'm just paranoid or losing it completely? Maybe I lost my mind and didn't know it?
It can happen. It happened to poor old mother didn't it? Oh well, nite, nite fellow
inmates.
So....Mom's birthday is tomorrow which is also Mother's Day. I've been putting together this semi big deal as this is probably the last she'll recognize. Bought her a lovely outfit, did her hair, some make-up....she looks damn good for 79 BUT it's been non-stop complain complain complain about everything....I'm so tired right now I don't even want to go out....but I've 16 other people who have been great...wait, make that 12 other people as my siblings and their spouses don't count!! Grrr!!
Now she's threatening to stay home because she doesn't like all the wrinkles on her face. Sigh.... I cannot fix that, but I damn sure when all is said and done gonna try and fix all the wrinkles she's giving me!!!
Please please please mom, just go and have FUN and stop complaining already
Also the parent/child reversal role. I AM the parent here. My brothers are "Disney Dad's". I'm no fun. She just came home from a 1 night 2 day stay with one of my brothers. She's been up since 4:00 asking if I'm awake already. Fussing... I guess I don't move fast enough nor entertain her as much as "Disney Dad". She's been mumbling how she wished she'd stayed there and she want's to go back and stay with "what's his name". She hadn't seen him in a month so of course he's more fun than I am. Oh, he bought her one of those giant hanging baskets as an early Mother's Day present ( I told him what she wanted).... he hung it at his house so she can see it there.... uhm, it will be dead by the next time she visits him. Really?
So....barely after 10:00 A.M. and already whoooooooooosh.... I'm the enemy already. Maybe I need to try a different tactic, like, No Mom, you are going to leave the house, you are going to go run errands and have some d*mn fun with ME without the complaints. She does it for them she can do it for me. Sigh...
Jessie, my theory ---they are at their happiest being the center of attention and the more you sacrifice the better they feel because they actually feel pretty uncomfortable, miserable lost and alone. Just a theory, who knows.
So I hear many of you saying "Good luck with that my Mom has not cared about me my entire life" true I absolutely agree but there are moms out there who really care about their children. I don't think we see many on this site because they are not so drained and frustrated even if they too are tired. I hope the Dr was able to help you. Blessings